Posts by kowhai montgomery

  • Speaker: Not even a statistic, in reply to BenWilson,

    Hi Ben, this is such a great conversation I am enjoying the respect and care that is being shown.

    Just wanted to shout out to you in particular I remember ages ago commenting on here and sometimes finding the way you were coming across a bit 'challenging' I feel like you have really evolved in the way that you engage in these convos. I hope that doesn't sound patronising, it really isn't intended to be. Just wanted you to know that from my perspective you are 'doing it right'.

    wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 485 posts Report Reply

  • Up Front: Lighting the Dark,

    I guess what I would say too is, on a public forum like this with my full name, I know this will turn up if anyone googles me. Even a veiled reference to this topic really does feel taboo. Most women don't want to talk about what it feels like to experience these realities. We don't *really* get to talk about these things that often.

    This community has matured in handling these kinda convos which is excellent. Long may it continue.

    Listening is good though.

    I, for one, will be posting lots more light hearted things on other threads so this convo doesn't rank high on my google rankings *shrugs*

    wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 485 posts Report Reply

  • Up Front: Lighting the Dark,

    I once told a guy who seemed to want to be educated about such things about one of my experiences. His response was instructive.

    In my case nothing ‘seriously bad’ happened but only because of the evasive strategies I took to protect myself once I clocked where the situation was heading. Oh, and because I was REALLY lucky. This guy was seriously thinking of raping me. No question about it in my mind at all. I had drunk a lot and he was walking me home, I had just broken up with a boyfriend. We were getting along, and then he turned on me. I described in detail what what happened next to this guy who seemed to want to be educated about such things….

    His response: ‘but how do you *know* that he was a threat, isn’t that a bit unfair suggesting that he might be a rapist’ or words to that effect.

    So I learnt that sometimes men don’t really want to hear the truth about your experiences because it might be a bit challenging and they might end up identifying with the guy and feel a bit defensive.

    wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 485 posts Report Reply

  • Hard News: Autism and celebrity, in reply to DeepRed,

    That really it an interesting thing to share, thank you. This agrees with my experiences in Japan, particularly teaching Junior High School and teaching the odd class with drop out/hikikomori kids.

    wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 485 posts Report Reply

  • Hard News: Rape and unreason,

    Do you have any other suggestions on how to reduce sexual violence? Any suggestions that are directed at your sons or other men?

    wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 485 posts Report Reply

  • Hard News: Rape and unreason,

    Much love Helen.

    wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 485 posts Report Reply

  • Hard News: Rape and unreason, in reply to Nat D,

    I firmly agree with all of this.

    wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 485 posts Report Reply

  • Hard News: Rape and unreason, in reply to Isabel Hitchings,

    Totally this! I have consented to things but been pretty concerned about the approach from guys that have been socialised to aggressively give it a go when they think you are a wee bit vulnerable. Enthusiastic sexy consent for the win. Lets teach our kids this.

    wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 485 posts Report Reply

  • Hard News: Rape and unreason, in reply to Jackie Clark,

    Totally understand that. Sometimes I don't want to amplify the quiet voices because I want them to feel safe and not be exposed to 'The Internet' more than necessary...

    wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 485 posts Report Reply

  • Hard News: Rape and unreason, in reply to Jackie Clark,

    That is a really, really good point. I am taking it onboard. *ponders*

    wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 485 posts Report Reply

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