On an individual level, yes. But on a societal level, you do have to note that these choices are made within a particular context, and are part of a larger pattern. I’m all about choosing your choice, but I also think it’s wilfully obtuse to ignore how those choices seem to go overwhelmingly one way.
And, to redress that overwhelming imbalance, some of us have to choose to (if we are priviledged enough to be able to) go the other way.
they send all greetings or presents to the family using my supposed married name. YOU WILL NOT WIN THIS ONE, IN-LAWS. I will keep it up until I die if necessary.
Can you return to sender with "addressee unknown"? Seriously, that is bollocks.
I just want to be “person who exists and is an adult autonomous female and apparently requires a title on forms”, which is why Ms works for me.
Me too! I love Ms.
I also like partner. To me, it connotes equality and working together, rather than the more possessive connotations I get from wife and husband.
And this is the bit I don’t get. Your family tree is a genetic legacy not a tree of names. It doesn’t matter what you are called you are still genetically related to your ancestors and decendants regardless of what they call each other. Theoretically my family name ends with my brother’s daughters but it certainly doesn’t end the genetic line.
Right, but when my daughter had to do this exercise for school the other day, when I looked at her tree, and she had the same surname as me and my mother, this felt right to me. (In the same way that if her tree had been swamped by her father's name, it would have felt less satisfactory to me, like she and I had lost something). I'm not saying everyone does or should feel this way, but to me this seems very equitable. (And nothing to do with genetics.)
Or a hitched warlock
wearing a chastity belt
Awesome. Because I have male friends called Nat, I had assumed you, also, were male. Hello!
Hello! I'm not sure too much of what I write on here depends on whether I'm male or female. Hope not anyway.
p.s. Deborah, I really hate being addressed as "Mrs" too. Not exactly sure why. It seems so 1950s or something...
but she’s also concerned about either of us having issues being accepted as the parent of a child without having the same name. I wouldn’t know if this is actually a significant issue these days or not.
This is so not an issue. You have a passport, the kid has a passport, that's all that matters. In fact, the only administrative issues I've heard about recently are stories where someone (usually a woman) has changed their name, and the marriage certificate and passport are out of sync, and that has caused problems.
We're not married, and we gave one of our kids my surname and the other one his. I like the symmetry of this, and the fact that both names stay in the family tree for a bit. Can't ever imagine changing mine. As everyone is relating in this thread, there are many and varied reasons for all of these choices; it would be nice to see it balance out a bit gender-wise though.
and also frankly bemused by the spectacle of women adopting their husband’s surname (is this practice staging a comeback?).
Me too, and yes I think it is
Surname decisions are now a free choice, but statistics suggest that most couples still take the traditional road. A 2009 study published in the journal Social Behavior and Personality examined New York Times wedding announcements from 1971 to 2005, and found that the number of brides keeping their surname was about 1 percent in the 1980s, rising to 9 percent in the 1980s and 23 percent in the 1990s, before declining slightly to 18 percent in the 2000s. Brides with more education or a high-powered occupation were more likely to keep their names, as were older brides.
And it’s a valid question, the one about where does someone like Katie Thompson get public exposure – it’s a similar situation for Delaney Davidson, who’s last two albums have been in lots of “best of” end of year lists, but who could just as well not exist as far as radio or TV coverage goes.
Sad But True was the bFM album of the week a few week ago, and Charlotte Ryan had Marlon Williams on Morning Glory to talk about that album, which is a collaboration between him and Delaney Davison. Perhaps not the exposure you're quite thinking about but some at least...