I don't understand this Ben. I'm not sure what you mean.
To me, personally, rape culture means this: that I feel (felt) responsible, that society makes me feel responsible, for my own safety.
That if I step outside the bounds of what is deemed "safe", then it's my fault, whatever happens to me.
That the perpetrator is seen as someone who cannot be changed, and therefore the victim is always at fault.
At age 50, I always have to be aware of walking alone.
After a lifetime of this shit, yes, I am not happy about it. And something needs to change.
Rape culture is really about entitlement, in my view. This is my space, I am in this space, if you are in my space and you get hurt, more fool you.
Except that often we are in our own spaces.
Clarification would be good, on what you mean.
If I could like this a million times I would. I would. I very would.
It wasn't until I met Emma that I started to rethink my own rape. It was in the early 80's, I eventually gave in, I never thought of it as rape.
The framing is not important, what is important is that we continue to try to change this culture in whatever ways we can.
And Katrina, you have my love. Thank you for telling this part of your story. You never know where words will land, and on whom they will have an impact. I trust that your words will have impact on many.
What I found, going to the gym, is that you start to feel really connected with your body, figuring out which bits do what things, stuff like that. Enjoy!
Moz, you weren't to know the relationship, you are correct.
However, you will be aware of my postings. And I think I would be correct in saying I have never threatened sexual violence before.
I can't control what you read into things, but I would have happily explained to you, had you asked.
She has to be muzzled, by law (she bit a suspicious looking person over a year ago), but yes, it crosses my mind that no-one else is there at that time of night, and I could likely unmuzzle her when we're there.
I was, literally, walking through the dark with Ruby, last night.
The park I go to to exercise her at around 6 is now pretty dark these nights, and generally I feel safe. As a woman, however, my first thoughts as I enter are what I would do were I to be jumped on from behind.
It's a very large park - around 4km, and because Ruby is offleash (and there are hares out and about at the time of night) she's off and running having a lovely time.
She's also muzzled so were an attacker to appear, my thoughts are that, given she is scared of suspicious strangers, and has a very scary bark, that would scare them off. Then I think, well, would she come back when I called out for her in that situation? Could I get her near enough to me to remove her muzzle? Because it is at the front of my mind, and I have no compunction, that I would use her as a weapon if needs be. And then I worry about that too - about what would happen if the attacker tried to hurt her? No, I decide. Let them try. Unmuzzled, feeling threatened, she would bite, without question.
These are the thoughts that rumble through my mind, as I watch the shadows behind me (part of the park is lit from an industrial site over the road), as I scan constantly.
I'm pretty tired of it to be honest.
And the changes are a long way from coming.
I like Emma's piece because it suggests that it's possible, and I know that it's possible. It's an ongoing discussion, and much as I would wish that people would just hurry the fuck up, and do what's needed to be done, I understand that this is all a process.
I'm going to pash you so hard the next time I see you.
I’m here, in Auckland, Shulgin. If there’ anything I can do, let me know. Email me. Even just for a talk. If you need a friend, I’m here.
Also, I'm a bit of a dog person. Well, a complete dog nutter really. So there's that.
I love chutneys and relishes. Just so you all know.
And my birthday is soonish.