Woah, Nelly -- what an extraordinary combination of coincidences. Of course, if you'd actually tried to deliberately burn down your house then it wouldn't have lit all all (2LT).
This deserves to be a guest post, really...
And in case you missed the photo in Ian’s link, here’s Sir George’s impressive Totalisator in Sydney (click on photo to see full size image).
P.S. And apologies for the delay in replying to the comments on this thread (once again, Ian Dalziel writes a comment cleverer and funnier than the original post) – had long day of intense activities with my wild children yesterday.
Oh, and in correcting my original LibreOffice document, I see that it autocorrects ‘Totalisator’ to ‘Totalizer’.
No doubt John Armstrong would have noticed. That’s the difference between a political journalist with 75 years experience in the gallery – and me with a handful of engineering degrees and a broken-down stenographer whose main claim to fame is a criminal record like a roll of loo-paper.
Mind you, we do give you all the hard facts here (albeit sometimes misspelt). Not like some ‘proper’ political journalists in some Auckland daily newspapers who take a germ of fact from a press release, and pad it out with 999 words of complete and utter opinion.
Totalizer or Totalisator? ….or have I missed the punchline? There is probably a truss-flange involved somewhere.
Well fucken hell – thank you Evan Yates! Yes, there are devices called totalizers in engineering for calculating the total amount of various things (of which the TABs totalisator is an example), but it turns out that Sir George had to be a clever wanker and give his invention a slightly different name. Had he no thought for the reputations of future political journalists?
And here was I thinking what a good job I’d done on this column – working in Foreskin’s Lament, Hicksville, The Denniston Rose, Heart of Coal, Point that thing, Twilight and My Favourite Martian, etc. I mean, you don’t get that from John Bloody Armstrong in Granny Herald. And written while repairing a wardrobe; not to mention typed out in 15 minutes.
But then Sir George goes and ruins it all by his clever-clever spelling. What a bastard! Well, I hope you’re happy with yourself, Sir George. You make me sick!
(Hugely embarrassing misspelling now corrected – thank you, Evan and Ian).
Our 88-year-old stenographer, Miss Spong, has asked me to thank all those who sent Christmas gifts to her prison cell. Unfortunately she remains on remand as a consequence of an incident in which a guard was 'shanked'.
Despite her trials and tribulations, Miss Spong valiantly managed to submit her transcriptions to Public Address the same day that she was released from solitary confinement. What a trouper!
Thanks David, your post has put a smile on my face.
A pleasure, Angela! Only sorry that I couldn't respond to a heartfelt request for a children's Christmas story (I did that for a couple of years on PA). You can blame Gerry Brownlee and his pals for my current (and ongoing) lack of time to devote to writing.
Apologies for the belated appearance of this week’s political round-up. Our 88-year-old stenographer, Miss Spong, has unfortunately had personal issues that have resulted in delayed delivery of our transcriptions.
Happily, however, Miss Spong has selflessly pulled out all the stops and tirelessly worked all weekend in her prison cell to finish the job. What a trouper.
Best wishes for getting bailed before Christmas, Miss Spong!
Have a terrible cold today, which has at least had the virtue of giving me a chance to sit down at a computer and catch up on my PA reading.
Really enjoyed Jimmy's reviews: Interstellar is one of the few current movies I've seen, and Jimmy really nails it. My favourite bit was the head-butting spacesuit fight scene (disclaimer: I am from West Auckland).
I've only done a tiny amount of editing work but I wondered if the PA fund could come up with a second camera to be used to simultaneously shoot a side/isometric view of Jimmy. Then he could switch to another view for a second and then back to the front view to smooth over some of the cuts.
Similarly there's the trick of switching to a second (or less) of a relevant scene from the movie being reviewed to smooth over a cut.
I found that this sort of thing seemed to work quite well for the stuff I did, but then I hardly know anything about editing -- so it perhaps it isn't a very useful suggestion.
Anyway, jolly watchable stuff from Jimmy -- very entertaining!
P.S. If only Rob Stowell were here to offer some of his expertise...
The measured cost of our ‘rockstar’ economy?
Oh, ye of little faith!
Arguably the New Zealand economy is indeed like a rock star -- think Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, or Jim Morrison. Or, for a more contemporary rocker, Amy Winehouse.
trouble up at Pitman…
I really should subcontract you to do the sub-headings, Ian!
Incidentally, I've always thought headlines are something the British newspapers do really well. My favourite was when a large chocolate retail chain went bankrupt: "Top Choc Shop Flop Shock". Try saying that quickly.