Hard News by Russell Brown


This whole, glorious trainwreck

You thought nothing could possibly be weirder than an operatic life of denunciation and poo-flinging amongst the objectivist libertarians? You thought wrong. Clearly, you are not apprised of Whaleoil's astonishing foray into the land of the gossip queens.

It goes like this: Cameron 'Whaleoil' Slater, self-regarding attack dog of the wingnutosphere, has become the confidant of Sunday Star Tmes gossip columnist Bridget Saunders; she channels his yawn-inducing tips about political rivals and he plays the unstinting schoolgirl bully to Saunders' grammatically-challenged rival Rachel Glucina, who is referred to by Slater and his chums, including Cathy Odgers, as "the Pork Chop".

Now, Slater is accusing some 23 year-old would-be fashionista socialite written up by Glucina of faking her credentials. If only we could care as much as he does.

But for a flavour of events, let's cross live to Slater, allegedly a grown man:

You know Pearl….if that really is your name it is a big warning flag when info about you suddenly disappears from circulation….like a BIG RED FLAG!!! It screams GOTCHA! Plus unfortunately for you I happen to know how to take a screenshot in case just such and occurrence happens. You aren’t playing amateur gossip columnists masquerading as journalists here deary, I’m a blogger and I happen to be good at it.

Pearl will be finding out at about the same time that Pork Chop reads this that her little fan club of Ricardo and Glucina will dump her like a whore with the clap once they realise that they have been had. Their little tittle-tattling around town on your behalf will dry up faster than a keg in Henderson on Saturday night.

Your call on where you want this to go, but I’ll give you a hint, it’ll all turn out bad for you baby!

The target of this hilarious teenage invective regards Slater's claims about her as defamatory, and has thus hired a lawyer. Who happens to be Steven Price, poor bugger.

Slater, apparently unfamiliar with the idea that lawyers are paid to act under instructions, has railed at Price's "hypocrisy" in drafting a letter to his hosting company (which has resulted in the material being shifted to an offshore website with which Slater rather unconvincingly claims to have no connection) , and complained about being "harassed by a mad cow, her mad father and now by her mad lawyer."

Adding to the general sense of derangement are the comments sections associated with these ravings, where, to take but one example, a poster called 'why this is important' declares " The other reason it is important to show her up for the liar that she is, is because if her lies were accepted as truth by the general public, who’s to say she won’t start spreading horrible lies about other people and ruining their lives."

Eh? But it gets even better with the arrival of comparably mad participant from the left; a "radical" (and possibly fictional) lesbian called HairyArmPit, who accuses Slater of misogyny (well, duh) and gets this back from the man himself:

Listen here StinkyArmPit since when is it misogynist to call someone for all the bullshit they are trolling all over town.

Your are deluded and clearly lonely.

According to you on your blog you are banned from here, so it is with great mirth that I watch for your every “banned” post.

Sad, lonely, lesso….get a life.

And then Mrs Whaleoil wades in:

I question whether you on the other hand have any standards of decency at all.

You brag about the lesbian orgies you have at your place and in the same breath on your site discuss with another poster how to set CYPS on Whaleoil and I to try to have our children removed from us.

You are fanatically anti pro lifers and have no respect whatsoever for the rights of innocent unborn children yet claim to care about our ‘innocent children’

I am sure that you and your friends will make fantastic foster parents for our children.

Your example of angry womanhood and regular casual and multiple partners will be a real eye opener for them and will help make them feel secure in your family unit and loved I am sure.

In surveying this whole, glorious trainwreck I have sought in vain for anyone who brings even a hint of irony to proceedings. It's not there. These people really do take themselves seriously. They're barking. And in seeking a way to characterise this fluttering nonsense, I keep coming back to one phrase. I trust you will take my proper meaning when I say this:

Whaleoil? So. Gay.

PS: No, I haven't linked to all this jolliness I've quoted. Apart from the element of linking to potentially defamatory material, that would be just a bit like getting involved.


Am I the only one who, on hearing that the police had arrested an Iraqi man over the Vogel lane apartment stabbings -- but could only identify the sex of one of two corpses -- thought "fuck me, this is a weird spell we're going through"?

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