And she's telling the truth, she did attempt to hold her tongue about my cracker-cooking. One email did slip through though, and the indignation was well evident.
In my own defence all I can say is that the recipe for a curry was something drafted so that any damn fool with a frying pan could turn out a respectable dinner for 'da missus'. And by all accounts it seems to have worked well, a few recommendations came in, and a few ideas were swapped.
Which is a little not-so-masculine really.
Truth be told, when I make that recipe myself I like to have made the curry paste from scratch. You know, tamarind paste, shrimp paste, lemongrass, whole chilli, the whole kit and kaboodle. But trying to convince some of the guys that cooking isn't just something 'for chicks' is always a battle at the best of times.
This all naturally leads to the stereotype that guys can't cook, which is patent bullshit, or that only women should cook, which can be a risk to health. Plenty of people can't cook, and it's my humble opinion that they're the worse for it. Fact is, cooking is a social thing. You cook for people because it's good for everyone. There's nothing more satisfying than getting a big feed together and sharing it.
Ah well. I suppose some people feel the same way about any number of hobbies.
There is one thing I've been pondering for a fair while now though, and have tried talking it over with a few people. The thing about cooking is that sometimes the types of guys who consider it women's work stand out as a bit backwards. Not only do they realise that cooking has also long been the preserve of men, but they seem to not understand why it is that the missus puts on a feed for you every night.
The first time I really thought about 'cooking' was not long after I left home. As it was my brothers and I were made to cook dinner every few days; first because it was a job around the house (and was worlds better than cleaning the dunny), and second because it just isn't a bad skill to learn. But even then I left home with very little knowledge about the hows and the whys. I pretty soon realised that if I ever wanted a decent meal again I had three options. Buy it. Get a wife to do it for me. Or go home and have Mum do it.
None of these things were sustainable or suitable options.
Of the three, subcontracting the job to 'the missus' is of course the most likely to succeed long-term. But I wanted to kind of get on with my life, you know? An Eve to my Adam would doubtless lead to that dreaded inevitability, rugrats. You can't maintain a hard-core rock and roll lifestyle with kids around. Well, you can, but the instruction booklets say it's not advisable.
Where I'm going with this is my later realisation about my grandparents generation. Whereas among my parents generation cooking in men is merely uncommon, among the next level up it's positively rare. But what I noticed is that this is for a fairly decent reason.
Back in the day, my grandparents made a bargain. The grandmother would cook, clean, and look after the mini-mes, while the grandfather would be a breadwinner. And it was hard yakka on both fronts.
These days thing seem to have changed though, with feminism and whatnot breaking down those old stereotypes the bargain has been shattered, women and men swap roles frequently and easily and no-one really kicks up a fuss. New Zealand is, it seems, nice and liberal in that regard.
I think I've noticed another kind of way the bargain has been shattered, and that's the one where feminism has kind of half-backfired. What I mean by that is that a woman may well be liberated, making her own cash, but still be expected to tow the line on the domestic duties.
It's a strange one, because you can have a couple both working, but the missus is still required to be the one who does the domestic bullshit. And frankly that seems to be a bit of a stink way to end up. The bargain was a good thing if you ignore all that man-owns-woman crap, and could still work in this day and age if it's made explicit who plays which role.
I mean, it is fair. If one partner is expected to maintain the house, the other one should be willing to part with their cash to cover the costs. Which gender taking on the role of domestic servant is really up to the couple, the important thing being that unless you're willing to fork out to cover costs, you'd better put on that damn pinny and get into the kitchen.
And the lesson to be gleaned from all this is that if you expect something for nothing, you're leaning towards being a bit of an asshole.