My foolish adventure this past weekend was a foray into designer lifestyling. Living in a rental property usually means you can't live out your full home renovation fantasies, but if you're really sneaky it's not too difficult to make small adjustments that the landlord might like.
A few months back for example I converted half of the front garden into a small patio with a few old red bricks I found out back behind the shed. It was like a spider combat zone out there, but once I convinced the more poisonous, evil little bastards to make for the darkness and recovered the essential resource everything was honky-dory. You know what they say, those desert-country spiders are the more dangerous ones.
Anyhow, the patio is nifty, Mr De Fazio actually thinks it looks good to, and it complements the mint I've let go nuts in the remaining garden nicely (when its 28 degrees at 8pm you can water the mint and it lets out a great cool-air smell, heartily complementing the aroma of "stale Carlton Draught" in the recycle bin). But, I'd better be careful about adding more stuff in case he puts up the rent.
Ignoring my own good sense, and seen as the view from my office is the much sought-after "grey paling fence" neglected by the advertising in the latest IKEA catalogue I thought I'd better spruce the place up with a few well placed pot-plants. The next stage involved me sagely noticing that a down-pipe from the guttering over the kitchen empties just there, and if I dammed it right I could use the rainwater for the wee herb garden I potted. Very clever methinks.
Removing the spouting already there, I find some stray PVC piping and knock up a shorter vertical down pipe, with a horizontal bit that juts out at a 95 degrees to carry the water across to where the reservoir is going to be. I fix this piping to the paling fence with some old wire left over from when I rather badly restored an old HQ (3kgs of bog, and still it wasn't enough... a story for another day).
Vua-la. Now I have a system to catch rainwater without damaging Mr De Fazio's house. I set up a pot to hold the water, but notice that the vertical pipe is too short, and confirm this with a test of water tipped in at the top. If there's too much it overshoots the pot. Too little and the trickle will fall short. The answer? I jury-rig some corrugated iron in the pot to as a splash-guard.
Feeling very proud of myself I retire to watch a DVD and await the first rain, so I can put some fish in there to keep the mosquitoes down.
On Monday I was reading the papers online, and upon glancing out the window noticed it was raining very lightly. Success! The first of the water was gently coming from the down pipe with the sound of... a tinkle.
I've built a urinal sound effect 5 feet from my workspace.
Excellent.
Personally I'm blaming this screw-up on globalisation. Damn Japanese and their smart-alec koi ponds. If I wasn't so concerned to be all green and 'cosmopolitan' I would have let the run-off be wasted and water my coriander out of the town supply. In fact, it wouldn't even be coriander. It would be more mint. Or parsley, and not some fancy-schmancy Asian herb.
Yeah... globalisation... Who the hell are these people who turn up here with their newfangled ideas and delicious food tempting me away from good old traditions like mint and new potatoes? Or minted peas. Or mint-sauce and roast lamb.
I reckon the good news about globalisation could be that it's the perfect scape-goat. The bad news is that it's also so easy to ignore. The one thing it hasn't been in the current election campaign is useful.
Watching the Insiders special on the lead-up to Saturdays poll last night on the ABC was very interesting indeed. They interviewed the leaders and Howard was running the usual scare-campaign interest rates and the death of the economy should Labor get up, but Latham was having none of it and continued to try and draw the focus back to education and his new policies of Medicare Gold.
What immediately grabbed my attention to Latham many months ago his was labelling the Liberals a "conga-line of suck-holes" because of their staunch pro-American policy. I laughed so hard at the time I almost feel off the couch. But he might have a point. For example, allegations were made on Dateline last night that Halliburton is now supplying many of the Australian defence contracts, while many local companies didn't get a look in. Surprise, surprise. Giving him the Labor leadership was a bit of a risk, but if he can get rid of Howard it will all be worth it (and Crean was never really a contender).
To try and be completely objective, Howard is a really good leader. He's a wily political figure and shrewd reader of the public mood, he has been a good Prime Minister and a more than able financial manager. His grabbing of the political middle-ground and ability to appeal directly to the man in the street is consummately Australian in the tradition of Menzies and Hawke. It's just a pity that he's a conservative, "big end of town" son of a bitch.
What has annoyed me most about this election cycle is the emphasis on interest rates as the key point to scare the horses. Interest rates, interest rates, it's a mantra the Coalition has been using since day one. The frightening thing? If Labor gets up we'll apparently have double-digit interest rates again.
Much like the 13% rates Australia had when Howard was himself Treasurer.
What both sides seem to have to conveniently ignore is that it's an era of low interest rates globally. The implication? No matter who's in Government, interest rates are highly unlikely to spiral out of control, unless the Government in question goes completely nuts on spending and forces them up themselves. Much like the Coalition is threatening to do.
Now, I'm the first to admit that I know far too little about economics to make more than a gut call on interest rates, but you can't argue with these guys.
Mind you, with Howard's long-standing willingness to try and discredit any expert who doesn't strictly agree with him, and that's any expert, from medical doctors, to intelligence spooks, to defence chiefs, to academics, to former diplomatic staff, there's a chance that these economists don't actually know what they're on about. After it, it's the economy, and these guys are only economists right?
While Howard is bandying about these scare tactics, Labor can't really say that it's a 'global thing' without making themselves seem economically impotent and therefore less able managers than Howard. Catch-22.
All this criticism aside, I am going to begrudgingly admit that Howard is likely to carry the day, though by an incredibly slim margin.
The factor that finally put it in Howard's pocket is likely to have been this weeks preference deal made between Latham and the Greens over Tasmanian forests. I'd like to think that Latham was just acting rationally in the convicted manner he tries to project, but there's a good chance that it's a blunder.
What's going on in Tasmanian is that a number of key marginal seats there, but also in Victoria and NSW, have large numbers of chainsaw-happy blokes all too willing to turn ancient trees into woodchip. We aren't even talking about making nice expensive wooden furniture. We're talking pulp for photocopy paper, the kind of stuff every office in Tokyo throws out by the tonne.
Latham's plan is to stop the logging and try retraining all these blokes to do something useful instead of driving machinery. The term he used was 'value-added' employment. Personally? I think it's a good idea. But so, so, poorly handled. Latham and the Greens bunched up in the middle, leaving enough room for Howard and co. to go way around the outside with the line of "jobs or trees"?
What Howard is proposing to let them keep chipping trees, but permanently reserve areas that couldn't be logged anyhow, such as ravines or cliff-faces. Environment groups are in a lather about it as green expediency.
The trade-off is apparently a large, large number of Green votes on the mainland potentially going to Labor. They may loose the Apple Isle and all the loggers, but gain the disgruntled and guilty suburban green voters.
It's the kind of move that will either be lauded as 'genius' or 'foolish' depending on which way the undecideds (apparently up to 20%) jump on Saturday.
The tricky thing is that this forestry issue, along with the interest rates thingo, is exactly the kind of 'big issue' politicking that escapes the electorate. Interest rates are a global issue these days, and not the exclusive preserve of the Treasurer. And the environment is not as simple as jobs vs. trees. But how the hell do you explain that to a button-pusher in Tasmania?
I mean, I only kind of get the big picture because I have time to sit here and navel-gaze to the sound of pee-pee.