Do you ever worry that there might be more to life than a constant battle with dandruff, bad hair and late 70s fashion sense? There’s always the problem of money of course, but the problem with money is you can never have enough, even if you’re on a good wage. You know, the spend expanding to fit the content of the wallet problem? Frankly, if they gave me a pay rise, or dropped me to a lower tax bracket the first thing I’m buying is a freakin’ boat. Or maybe a flasher pair of shoes to get to work in.
Sure, I don’t actually need a boat and have nowhere to put it, and the shoes I have are just fine, but if I’m ever going to have the flatmates truly respect me I need to ‘pimp my ride’ as it were. Maybe some overpriced wingtips or imported loafers would impress them… Mind you, I could always get those old basketball boots with the pump inner soles so I can really ‘jump’.
Yes, the extra cash would be nice. Maybe if I’m earning a little more they’ll go and increase my VISA limit, and I can continue my downward spiral of uncontrollable debt in the truly self-serving fashion I demand. I could pay the barber for a better haircut to minimise the bad hair days, and buy a better 2-in-1 to deal to the flakiness.
Ah well. It’s bound to happen sooner or later, what with society’s current demand for money on tap. Like I say, there’s nothing like realising you’ve been spending way outside your budget and then waking up to the fact you don’t have the ability to pay it back. Of course, you can always blame ‘the gubbermint’, but lets face facts people, no one held a gun to your head and demanded you buy a plasma TV.
Hell, I’m hardly one to talk, one look at a few pretty-coloured fisheys and I’m spending 400 smack on a customised suit, some flash dive fins and a trip 20m down to see the wreck of the Eliza Ramsden (Nineteenth Century, amazing). It’ll take me years to crawl back all that money once the creditors start adding their cut. It’s like feeding your dealer. Tax, tax, tax.
The important thing is that I got a quick kick though! And as long as they sack maybe fifteen people with families working above me I’ll soon be in the money. What do they need it for I ask you? Pesky damn families with their kids whining in the supermarket and getting the flu and soaking up my taxes on GP visits. If those little tackers miss a day of school and fall behind in their edumacation it’s not my damn fault. They should have worked harder to catch up, after all.
My next concern is these dickheads demanding we keep out poor ethnic types. People, what in the hell are you thinking?! Ban all the poor immigrants and who is going to drive my taxi on the way home from the pub after me squandering my paycheque on booze and fine dining? Who is going to run the kebab shops that provide me with a 3am lamb sandwich? Who is going to come around to my flat and pick up after me while I’m out enjoying my single-person income?
Get white people doing these jobs and the first thing they’ll do is form a union and demand more cash. Live in the moment people!! Get your act together and exploit immigrants for cheap labour like you’re supposed too… you munters.
Yeah, good old New Zealand. We see one country of strip malls and fast food living high on the hog and driving itself broke with foreign debt and we think we should be able to do it too. Sure, families here are often doing it tough, but when haven’t they? Kids are freakin’ expensive people, REALLY freakin expensive. That is after all why almost none of my peer group have bought any yet. Combine that with the student debt the baby boomers loaded us with none of us have had to time do anything as financially hazardous as pro-create.
Thank heavens for ‘the maoris’. After all, they’ll be paying the taxes that keep my pension topped up when I’m finally allowed to retire in 2045.
Ah well… I need a snack. I’m off to the vending machine for a fix.
PS. Remember to check out The General and his campaign to get young Republicans to enlist and help fight for global freedom. He's in fine form. After all, Ranting is safer than enlisting.