Cracker by Damian Christie


Is anyone concerned about our political leaders apparent inability to engage in a sustained debate without getting personal? We’ve already surrendered each day's parliamentary Question Time to name calling, mindless goading and point scoring.

This doesn't seem enough for our eager pollies however, and the behaviour is spreading outside of the hallowed halls. Take this exchange overheard in lunch queue at Bellamy's...

Helen: Just the two pies thanks.. Oh hang on, I've left my wallet upstairs, can I sort you out tomorrow?

Don: You can’t trust her - she’s an atheist fer Christ’s sake!

Helen: Oh it's you. Don't listen to him. Anyway, I'm an agnostic.

Don: Same diff.

Helen: You’re not exactly a choir boy yourself, four-eyes…

Don: If you mean, ‘do I believe there is a supernatural being with whom I can talk', then no.

Helen: This is 2004 Don, who still says ‘whom’? You’re such a geek... Not to mention a bloody cheater.

Don: Look, that was years ago – anyway, it’s not like you can talk about loveless marriages…

Ian: She’s a LESBIAN! She’s a LESBIAN!

TOGETHER: Piss off Wishart.

Ian: But I’ve got PROOF! Incontrovertible Evidence!

Prebble: And she’s got a deep voice…

Don: Precisely.

Prebble: And bad hair.

Don: Irrefutably.

Prebble: And she smells.

Don: Er, well I don't know if...

Carter: I could juhj her up a bit.

Helen: You could what?

Carter: You know… juhj… like they do on Queer Eye.

Ian: He’s a POOF! I've got PROOF!