Field Theory by Hadyn Green

While senior citizens are being attacked (sort of) on our sports fields, Tom Watson came along and showed the kids how it's done; beating back all the vigour and passion of youth with the determination and knowledge of age.

Tom Watson became a hero, over the weekend, for those in a certain age bracket and for those who love seeing true feats of sporting brilliance. That last putt though was incredibly hard to watch.

And while Watson was doing his thing, Alberto Contador was doing his; saying to Lance Armstrong: "Next time, stay retired." Or at least that's what I hope, because I always like to think that there are actually great rivalries in sport and not just the platitudes we usually get at press conferences.

Of course it could also mean that Contador is taking better performance enhancers than Armstrong, we'll see.

And speaking of ‘roid rage David Beckham was taunted by LA Galaxy fans and decided the best course of action was to [pretend to] leap the barrier and attack said fans.

Also of note, the English beat the Aussies in the Ashes test at Lords. I really don't understand the appeal of the Ashes: test cricket in the middle of the night between two teams I don't support. But it still seems to be awfully popular.

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How to know the All Black's win over Australia was important: for a brief time on Saturday night, "All Blacks" was trending on Twitter.

Let's take look at the numbers, but first, let's look at Nathan Sharpe with his headgear down his pants.

Ok, ok, numbers.

We lost three lineouts (in the first half) with Andrew Hore not able to find his jumpers mainly due to throwing the damn ball to mid-field.

We also missed twelve tackles (16%) compared to Australia's seven (9%). And we turned the ball over 17 times, compared to their 12. But the good news is our handling errors were relatively low (7), relatively for an All Black team.

But what were we like at roughly this time last year against roughly the same team (using Tracey Nelson's stats plus the official stats from the NZRU and the really quite awesome Pick and Go). We played Australia last year at Eden Park on August 2. The All Blacks won the 2008 game 39-10, a much stronger performance.

Back then McCaw was a machine. He was in the first three to the breakdown 43 times, well ahead of the next two, Hore and Thorn (29 and 24). This weekend the top three were Thorn, McCaw and Woodcock (35, 34, and 30) with no other player even reaching 20 for that stat.

There were 117 rucks this weekend and we had more players getting there than we did last year and the forwards (loose and tight five) were more involved than last year. Here's the first three to the breakdown, averaged by position (and put into a very crappy table):

Bob Dwyer notes in his column that the Australians were kicking the ball more (note that he also calls the team "Deans' work-in-progress" which is interesting in that he seems to have the same view of Robbie Deans that journalists here do of Graham Henry).

After first phase, we do not have an attacking ‘line' at all. We have an attacking ‘zigzag'. "Pass and back-up" appears to be a phrase from a foreign language not understood by our players. Consequently, we are incapable even of taking the overlap - and there were plenty available.

Cross-field running complicates even the most simple opportunity and one almost certain try was butchered because of this lack of understanding.

Our worst tackler was Corey Jane (attempted four and made one, with no assists) not a good look for our fullback cover, while McCaw and Thorn were, once again, the work horses with only a 14 percent miss-tackle rate (missed tackles/total attempted).

Now in fairness the team last year was already three games in to the Tri-Nations (including one against Australia). So they would have shaken a bit more rust off by then.

So it wasn't a good win. But it was a win. Really the difference was that Australia cheated more. But overall I think we're in an interesting spot.

Directly after the last World Cup the score for an average All Blacks game was roughly 35-17 to the All Blacks. This average has steadily declined since then and is now roughly 27-10 in favour of the All Blacks (not including the last game). So we score fewer points but our opponents also score fewer points.

The Aussies have a similar trend except that they had an average of 25-20 just after the World Cup and have moved to 23-16. So while their points are declining they are doing better in defence. (The relative slopes are -0.4788 for NZ and -0.1589 for AUS for those who need to know).

As for South Africa, while they are looking very strong at the moment, their trend isn't. Post World Cup they were averaging 32-14, now it's 22-19. Of the three Tri-Nations teams they are the only ones whose opponents are gaining. They were also the most variable team with scores oscillating from high to low from week to week.

The general downward trend of points-scored for all three teams can possibly be attributed to external factors like senior players leaving for Europe or the recent rule changes. But it's clear that Australia is closing the gap on their opponents, New Zealand is keeping fairly stable and South Africa is possibly in trouble.

So now what? Well first, Henry is going to enjoy that beer.

Sorry for the late post, had a nasty bout of hearing loss that was causing me no end of fun. So hopefully you've all gone and read Emma's post and given your donation to Women's Refuge

In these harsh economic times, many things can be excused. Seemingly every week another group of people are removing their clothes for a calendar, until now it's hard to find one that isn't nude pensioners or kittens.

We've also seen the nude rollerblader, the nude swimmers, and numerous other athletes, strapped-for-cash, and removing clothes (by the way "Nicole Begg" has become a very NSFW Google search). A few have fallen fowl of their respective sports.

In the 90s, swimmer Toni Jeffs caused a small ruckus within the organisation when she received sponsorship from a strip club. As always the argument was: well, they are willing to give me money. Jeffs went on to win a Commonwealth Games bronze.

With the current collapse of potential sponsors every week, teams and individuals are turning to alternate sponsors. And it's not just struggling amateurs. The NFL's recent relaxing of revenue streams saw the New England Patriots sell out to the local lottery, the Raiders partner with a Chinese airline and the Cowboys consider letting a strip club advertise on their practice uniforms. It's all about the revenue streams.

So what to make of Logan Campbell? The young Tae Kwon Do Olympic hopeful spent $150,000 prepping for Beijing and figures he'll need about twice that to prep for London. So he opened a brothel gentleman's club.

It's not clear whether Campbell decided on this course of action before or after his SPARC performance enhancement grant was retracted – because Campbell wasn't competing – by Tae Kwon Do New Zealand (TNZ). But it does seem clear that Campbell isn't doing this because there is no other option. In fact he seems quite keen on the whole enterprise.

But would he, as TNZ assert, be bringing the sport into disrepute if selected for international competition? Assuming Campbell keeps his nose clean and runs a respectable club; would he not just be a successful business man? A successful businessman who rents women out for money (note he says he "hires" them, so this is not an individual contractor situation).

I suppose I would rather an athlete associated with a brothel than one associated with cigarettes (and maybe even alcohol, I'll take that on a case by case basis), and I suppose it would be nice to send an athlete that is flush with cash, rather than having to train on a diet of 2-Minute noodles. And of course SPARC hasn't got an unlimited bucket of money to help everyone.

Interesting though that Campbell, unlike cyclist Nicole Tasker who lap-danced to raise money, didn't think offer up his services for a bit of rough and tumble. Naked Tae Kwon Do anyone?

Wayne Smith replaced John Hart as All Black coach after the 1999 World Cup. Hart ended his tenure with a .756 winning pct (from 41 tests). Hart had himself replaced Laurie Mains after the World Cup in 1995 (.676 pct from 34 tests). And Mains replaced Alex Wyllie (.862 pct from 29 tests) after the 1991 World Cup.

Smith (.705 pct from 17 tests) was replaced in October 2001 by John Mitchell making Smith the only coach in the modern era to not coach a team to the World Cup (I imagine his record against Australia, 2-4, and maybe politics had something to do with it). So John Mitchell (.821 pct from 28 tests) was dropped after the World and replaced by Graham Henry.

Henry's record is currently .859 from 66 tests. So he's not as good as Wyllie but he's had almost twice as many games. And, unlike Wyllie, Henry got to choose his assistant coaches. With his new appointment until 2011, Henry not only becomes the All Black coach with the longest tenure (seven years) he also gets two World Cups.

There's a lot to be said for long coaching tenures. Consistency being the biggest positive. The Pittsburgh Steelers are the most successful American Football franchise and have a policy of sticking with coaches.

So we can bitch and moan about the coach as much as we did in the days when we all decided that we needed Graham Henry to come and replace Mitchell and when we decided that we needed someone to replace John Hart. But with a lack of alternatives, why don't we try something different? Ignore the media's controverse du jour, support the damn team, play armchair-coach without thinking that you are actually any good at it, and if you have to be grumbly, be grumbly about the game.

Other quick notes about coaches.

• Last night Simon Dallow said in a segue to the sports news "…and we won't be seeing Robbie Deans on this side of the Tasman for a while [due to Graham Henry's reappointment]". No probably not Simon because Deans' contract also runs out after the 2011 World Cup.
• Fred Allen is still our "best" coach with a record of 14/14 in 1966-68
• Robbie Deans has coached one more test than Peter de Villiers, but has a 2% better record (thanks to Naly D for that titbit)

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The Silver Ferns have a new sponsor: McCain's frozen foods. Now there is a long an interesting debate to be had about sponsorship of women's sport and how they market themselves. Domestic-product sponsorship, for example, often means the players are depicted cooking and cleaning instead of driving cars or drinking Coke.

But at the same time, we're in a recession so sports teams are very happy to receive money from anywhere, even if that means having to send players along to event where they wear aprons and cook for the attendant media.

So the best way to show this debate is to send a munter to the press conference to make lame-duck jokes and follow it up with Mark Richardson being a cock (for some reason there's 22 seconds of ads at the start of that vid).

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Right, Friday-things now.

This report on the Hamilton V8 roof-sitters from Campbell Live is one of the funniest New Zealand interviews I have ever seen. As @beigebrigade said:

Skit from TV3 last night includes a Hamilton dentist who has unintentionally mastered the [Rhys Darby] Murray voice…

…and why is somebody mowing their lawns at that time of night?

It's an outrage! Look at that hole in the concrete! Bloody council.

I interviewed Ginger Tonyx and Ruby Deathskates from Richter City Roller Derby for the Dropkicks (rss feed), the audio is here:

Especially good because Ginger keeps accidentally revealing secret identities and Ruby lays down a challenge to Pirate City (Auckland).

Want to know how various football pitches compare in size? Or maybe how steep a velodrome track is? With cute infographics, like this one on MLB ticket prices, how can you not like Flip Flop Fly Ball. And continuing with the data, Pick and Go is my new favourite database.

Finally because it's Friday a very cool trick video:

It's not football season yet but that doesn't mean there's no news. In fact it's the most important news a football team can put out: new uniforms!

The Wellington Phoenix have brand new, very flash home and away strips:

Aren't they nice? Much MUCH better than these.

Let's start at the top:
It's got stripes! For me the new home jersey is much more of a football jersey, the away strip not so much. I'm not sure why there's no alternate strip (which are so much in fashion these days).

When they turn around the home top gets better while the away top gets weird. Why does the midriff band stop before it gets to the back, but not at the middle? The band seems to end just behind the arms. (By the way, sports photographers, please photograph the uniforms when it's a uniform launch, that means front AND back)

But at least that ugly Interislander patch on the shoulder is gone.

If I had a concern about the home jersey it would be that the square seems too small for the player's number. And it also means that the name on the back might have to go on a name plate, which would be a shame. Also the Reebok wordmark is front and centre, but I'll let that go too (even Man U wears sponsors).

But the best thing is no more shoulder-triangles. The new jerseys are winners.

Shorts and socks:
Those away shorts are sex. The home shorts are adequate. Really both of them are fairly dull, but dul is good.

But seriously, what the fuck is going on with those socks?! Vertical wordmark? It really is very ugly. Across the back there is a word I can't figure out, though it looks like "Reebok". But in this shot you can see vertical stripes at the top of the socks. Are they new? I kind of don't understand them.

Overall, a MUCH better strip than the used to have. As always, don't mess with the classics and ignore that they look a lot like Hull, (because it really doesn't).

Of course if the Phoenix decided to look like St Pauli I wouldn't mind.

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Meanwhile Netball Manuwatu has apparently told these nice ladies they can't wear shorts to play netball; they have to wear skirts like everyone else. Perhaps a compromise can be reached: skorts?

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In other news Ben Gracewood has uncovered the awful truth behind the latest Weetbix-All Blacks promotion.

It's the second set tie-break. Andy Roddick is up 5-1 and looks fantastic. He's already won the first set 5-7. Roger Federer has just lost a challenge on a Roddick serve he thought was out, the big-serving American is looking like he's at top speed. Then quickly it's 6-2 to Roddick and he has four set points.

Federer with a deft backhand it's 6-3. Then with two great serves it's 6-4 and then 6-5. Roddick serves and with, what should be a sitter, he hits it out and suddenly it's 6-6.

Roddick prepares to serve, as he bounces the ball it gets away from him and he has to scramble after it on the court. The commentary box can't believe it: "Oh, my God". And perhaps they saw something because Roddick makes another error and it's 6-7 to Federer, and he has the serve.

Before the ball hits the ground you can hear Federer bellow. He wins the second set and stays alive. In the crowd, Pete Sampras grins and wipes the sweat from his brow.

In the match Federer will serve 50 aces. There will be 77 games and five sets in 95 minutes. But if you're going to win the most grand slams ever you want to do it in a grand fashion.

There can be no doubting, no consideration. If you are asked "who is the greatest tennis player of all time?" you have to say, Roger Federer.

Oh sure the Chipmunk in a Singlet is injured, but that's all part of being the greatest. You don't get there by getting hurt. And you definitely don't get there by never recovering from a slump. How long ago was it that Federer's reign was declared as done and dusted, while everyone ran to crown Nadal?

Now the talk will be about Federer going for a "calendar slam" but let's ignore all of that and instead focus on the fact that the man is just really, goddamn, classy.

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Sunday morning I read that one of my favourite football players, Steve McNair, had died. Ever since Michael Jackson died we've had a number of celebrities whose deaths have been greatly exaggerated, so I thought I pop over to nfl.com and just check. This time the rumours were right.

At that time nobody knew anything about the case and so, as you can imagine, everybody "knew" everything. A former NFL quarterback known for being the toughest guy on the field and the nicest guy off it, found shot to death with (then) an unidentified woman, also dead by gunshot, that was not his wife. (It has since been revealed that the woman was McNair's girlfriend, Sahel Kazemi).

The story has gone from murder/suicide (he did it) to murder (her ex did it) to murder/suicide (she did it) and I imagine it will keep evolving. Meanwhile TMZ has pictures of McNair and Kazemi parasailing.