Island Life by David Slack

Touching up the poll

There would appear to be only one thing more capable of inspiring the creativity of our readers than a photo of an election candidate grasping a beer and a couple of attractive young women.

That would be a photo of his campaign manager grasping an even greater number of young women in Hooters T-shirts.

Just to jog your memory, these are the photos in question.

The challenge I offered was to create a response in haiku form to these pictures. I wrote: If the viewing of these images brings forth some aspect of spirituality and provokes an emotional response within you, then do by all means compose three lines of five, seven, and five syllables respectively and just hit the old reply button.

Jolisa helpfully explained that what I was seeking might be more correctly categorised as senryu rather than haiku - "the former is a comic sentiment in the shape of a haiku, but the latter should properly have a seasonal reference in it (plum blossom, cicada, persimmon, snow, sort of thing)". Got it. Senryu joins Terzain Aporia in the list of literary forms hitherto unknown to me.

And that's all I'm saying about that. Let's move on to the funny lines. First, in the interests of being fair and balanced, here's one from Rhys Thorp:

Hi Public Address
I vote National for the chicks
Is that wrong to you?

And now, tilting a little the other way, this from blograde Tze Ming:

A party without
women? Feminists never
coalesce alone.

Jolisa had these to offer:

For now I am hotttt!
Free drinks pull the chicks my way.
Ah, election year.

I came for the tits,
but stayed for the votes, honest!
What's that hooting sound?

Andrew Llewellyn was as entertaining as he was prolific:

Cocktail waitress hour
Five girls for every boy
Buy four, get one free

I don't remember
What was I drinking? Thinking?
Who are these people?

Smile please for the man
another lame photo-op
At least I have beer

How do you both do?
I bring a fine job offer
Hooters coming soon

Wellington vision
Hooters bar we need so bad
Mark would like this place

Perfect holiday
Around the world Hooters tour
May never come home

Will we meet again?
You are my perfect women
Take the photo quick.

Dear Mum, at Hooters.
David. Farrar no longer.
Call me Hasselhoff

Hold me up my friends
I accept support from you
the stairwell looms close

Are you here often?
Heaven is a Hooters bar
Please take my picture

Ringo at keepleftnz also took time out from the hard work of fair and balanced online campaining to offer this:

Blumsky falls down stairs
Farar squeals, then poll reveals
Blumsky falls again

Scanning the list, I see that most of the contributors were in fact men. Here are some nice masculine contributions.

Tim Wright:

Blumsky standing up
supporters surrounding him
beware the staircase

Mark Russell:
We're here on tour,
It'll stay on tour I'm sure,
Let me embrace you.

Mark Easterbrook:
Brethren support earned
Brash knockers. His team now courts
sisterly support

Jason Dykes:

Desire is strong
I'm thinking seriously
Of buying a thong

Ian Mcdonald:

Grinning Nats cry out
"Look at the hooters on her"
ere the drunken fall

Brian Marsh:

No, it's for the owl,
No, really, it's not the breasts...
Hot chicks, though, eh...Beer?

Felix Marwick offered three nice contributions:

Black hairy eyebrows
Destroy the female beauty
That stand beside them

Scarey McHairy
Betwixt lithe feminine grace
I just lost my lunch

Who deserves my vote?
Hairy brow or buxom chest?
My poll says vote tits

David North apologised for his contribution, but it has a certain simple charm:

boobies! boobies! boobs!
boobies! boobies boobies! boobs! for Mark

A few explored the political dimension a little more expressly.

David von Dadelszen:

ex-mayor campaign
surrounded by scant nymphettes
politics I love thee


My eyebrows see you
Wrap long arms greedy fingers
Searching 'ectally

Reece Palmer:

keep yourself abreast
of electorate issues
the key to success

Matthew Andrews:
Blumsky with drink
Women with wary shy smiles
Future without seat

Farrar surrounded
Moulded shallow beauty all
Unable to connect

Splendid work one and all, but there can only be one winner, and in the end I decided I liked these three from Jen Hay most of all.

One copy of Civil War and Other Optimistic Predictions on its way to you, Jen, for bringing together political perception and literary grace with these delightful examples of the senryu form:

Hot campaign cunning,
touching pertinent issues,
fingering the pulse.

The flit of the gnats,
drip drip of darting eyed charm,
shiny cleaven smiles.

Cold nights: based on needs.
Down the tax, agog. A breast.
Touching up the poll.