Random Play by Graham Reid

All the News That’s Fit (And You Know It)

And here are the headlines to this hour . . .
According to Pentagon sources the alleged Al Qaeda head of operations Khalid Sheik Mohammed currently held at Guantanamo Bay has confessed to his torturers another series of inhumane acts for which he is responsible.
A White House spokesman said, “Mohammed told CIA operatives that in addition to planning 9/11, the Bali bombings and a dozen other Al Qaeda attacks, he was also the man who smuggled Lord Lucan out of England to Japan where he now lives as a housewife in a suburb of Tokyo, that he was behind the Milli Vanilli scandal, and admits to having told many people who hadn’t seen the film that the ‘woman’ in The Crying Game was actually a man.”

Fiji military strongman and Prime Minister Frank Bainimarama announced today he will stand down at the end of next week and will call for democratic elections in which he will not stand. Mr Bainimarama said that the military regime would support and allow free, fair and transparent elections and would abide by the result. He intends to retire from any and all positions he currently holds and intends to live at a remote location in Australia. He said the reason for his change of stance is as a result of reading a strongly worded statement of condemnation of Fiji by New Zealand’s Foreign Minister Winston Peters.

President Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe has apologised for past wrong-doings, pledged to make amends to those who have suffered under his brutal regime, will return all his personal wealth currently held in overseas accounts to the country, and will stand down to allow free, fair and democratic elections. He said he had been concerned by a strongly worded statement of condemnation by New Zealand's Foreign Minister Winston Peters.

Police, social welfare workers, supermarket staff, and Child Youth and Family have reported no cases of child abuse since discussion of proposed anti-smacking legislation started to make headlines a month ago.
A spokeswoman for CYFs said, “While we have no wish to be complacent, this is indeed the result we had hoped for, although we would still support the passage of the bill into law.”

The banning of private vehicles from Auckland’s crowded Queen St has had no effect on retail trade say shop owners. The ban which came into effect a month ago has confirmed that few people shop in the central city anyway, and that most prefer suburban malls where they can park for free, don’t have to put up with drunks on the street and can walk around without requiring earmuffs because of constant road works.

Supermodel Rachel Hunter has bought a substantial property in Auckland’s North Shore, but has denied she intends to return to New Zealand to live. “Why the hell would I want to do that?” she said to reporters after a catwalk parade of her new line of swimwear.

Radio host and media celebrity Paul Holmes has announced his retirement from all aspects of public life, starting in late 2012. Or maybe 2013.

And the weather forecast at this hour according to the weather’s special envoy Bob McDavitt: more of it, likely to change from time to time -- so largely unpredictable.

Now here’s Jim Mora with some Cat Stevens and James Taylor songs . . .