Cracker by Damian Christie

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Cracker: Air New Zealand: Flash as a Chow on a Bike

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  • Robyn Gallagher,

    My grandfather used to say "flash as a Chow on a bike" too. I know this because my mum says, "Flash as a Chow on a bike, as Grandpappy* used to say." So in a way, she's saying it too. As am I. As are you.

    My other grandfather, Pop-Popps*, approved of Chinamen because they were hard workers.


    * Not his real name.

    Since Nov 2006 • 1946 posts Report Reply

  • bronwyn,

    I was pretty surprised when I started my brief but glittering career as a guide at a significant tourist attraction to find our training manual included directions about how to "deal with Chinese tour groups". I can't remember these were exactly but it was awful enough that I did that thing that instantly annoys your new workmates, and took it to the boss, pointing out that if i happened to be Chinese I'd be deeply offended and possibly not want to work with the sort of people that thought that was ok to assume that everyone from China spoke loudly, tried to touch the precious things of the shop, and basically were obnoxious. Luckily the boss was new as well and removed the offending passages immediately.

    tamaki makaurau • Since Nov 2006 • 86 posts Report Reply

  • Kumara Republic,

    Some people really do try a bit too hard, often to comical effect. Anyone remember that scene from The Blue Lotus, where the Thompson Twins try to blend in with the locals by wearing 戏曲 outfits?

    More recently, you've probably seen the emergence of the weeaboo crowd. Justifiably piss-taken too.

    The southernmost capital … • Since Nov 2006 • 5446 posts Report Reply

  • Hilary Stace,

    The Chinese have always had a bad time in NZ - the 19th century immigration acts were aimed at keeping disabled people and Chinese out of NZ. Eugenic public policy in the early 20th century similarly targetted these two groups. Remember Helen Clark's apology to the Chinese not so many years ago? (Although there hasn't been an official apology for institutionalisation of disabled people yet).

    I would be interested in hearing what people who identify as Chinese think about this post, particularly the title. Might be flippant to us but it could still hurt.

    Wgtn • Since Jun 2008 • 3229 posts Report Reply

  • Andre Alessi,

    I'd like to know how you get jobs writing this sort of manual, they seem to pop up all over the show and I'd be excellent at it. I could probably slip in a few pointless, rambling anecdotes from timeto time, too. You know, just in the name of continuing to develop my writing style.

    Devonport, New Zealand • Since Nov 2006 • 864 posts Report Reply

  • Steve Barnes,

    where the Thompson Twins try to blend in with the locals by wearing 戏曲 outfits?

    11 outfits? geez they must have been warm. Or is my browser racist?.

    Peria • Since Dec 2006 • 5521 posts Report Reply

  • Islander,

    Interestingly, coming from an area where there were quite a few Chinese folk, mainly Cantonese, I've never heard the expression 'flash as a Chow on a bike.' Indeed, I've never heard 'Chow' used as a general term for any Chinese person. We just used to say 'Mrs Lu over by Teschmakers' or 'Mr Sing who's got the grocery shop on Thames.'

    Big O, Mahitahi, Te Wahi … • Since Feb 2007 • 5643 posts Report Reply

  • Damian Christie,

    I would be interested in hearing what people who identify as Chinese think about this post, particularly the title. Might be flippant to us but it could still hurt.

    Um, isn't that the entire point I was making? That these old expressions, in this case one used by both Robyn and my grandfathers (grammar police anyone? please?) is racist, even though at the time it wasn't an active form of racism (the "chow" in this case being the passive comparison). I wasn't being flippant at all - I was suggesting that Air New Zealand in 2008 was being as inappropriate as that saying is today.

    BTW, if you want to see a great collection of images of discrimination against Asians in New Zealand over the years, the book by Manying Ip and Nigel Murphy "Aliens at my Table" is well worth a look.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1164 posts Report Reply

  • JackElder,

    I've also never heard the term "Chow" for Chinese; I assumed you were talking about the breed of dog.

    When I was in the UK, the company for which I worked was purchased by a US firm. A number of interesting consequences ensued. One of which was that we got access to all their online training materials. One day, in among all the SQL training materials, someone found the training course on "Cultural Differences Around the World" - that is, how various cultures differ from America. And that's how we discovered that the English are polite, heavy drinkers, who don't like to put themselves forward and have trouble resolving interpersonal conflicts. The page even had a picture of a bowler hat.

    I've got to say, it was very odd dealing with our US colleagues after that, knowing that this was the mental picture they had of us.

    Wellington • Since Mar 2008 • 709 posts Report Reply

  • Kyle Matthews,

    Then, in the very next paragraph, the article points out that if you're going to generalise about anyone, you should generalise about Samoans!

    To be fair, while they're both generalisations, one at least is a generalisation backed up by some data. Whether or not it's appropriate to put it in there, the paper is presumably trying to point out that Air NZ not only shouldn't have put it in there, but it's probably wrong as well.

    All information about large groups will of course be a generalisation.

    Since Nov 2006 • 6243 posts Report Reply

  • Tracey,

    Hahaha Jack - the Americans definitely have a very strong stereotype of the English I found (while living in the States) the two strongest things they associated with English were bad teeth and bad food. They could never really describe what english food was, just that it was bad and I suspect they never realised that it wasn't that American's teeth were naturally superior in straightness and whiteness, it was just they spent $$$$ on fixing their teeth.

    Another thing I found interesting was the debate on the use of the word Oriental to describe Asians from the north east of the continent (rather than the sub-continent). In the States (and probably other places) it is very much seen as a quite insulting term, but in the UK it seems to be still used without (as much?) offense. You don't hear it used here very often, but I had never thought it was something that offended people here, but just a bit old fashioned.

    Westside • Since Nov 2009 • 3 posts Report Reply

  • Martin Lindberg,

    From the GlobeSmart section on New Zealand (sorry, payment required for access):

    Key Points:
    New Zealanders are sociable and fond of small talk.
    Appropriate topics for small talk include work, hometowns and regions,
    family (without getting overly personal), travel, sports, recreational
    activities, and film.
    Few topics are taboo for discussion; politically controversial subjects
    should be avoided.
    New Zealanders tend to dislike being compared to Australians or grouped
    together with them in conversation.
    Note that New Zealanders are generally quite happy to hear foreigners
    refer to them as "Kiwis.
    Humor is highly valued in New Zealand; backslapping or boisterous
    laughter is unusual, while irony, satire, self-deprecating humor, and dry
    wit are appreciated in business settings.

    Stockholm • Since Jul 2009 • 802 posts Report Reply

  • Sam F,

    sorry, payment required for access

    Never mind, I found an unlocked full-length version for you.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 1611 posts Report Reply

  • Damian Christie,

    Appropriate topics for small talk include work, hometowns and regions, family, travel, sports, recreational activities, and film.

    How could they forget weather? It's an awful cliche that it's become my stand-by topic of discussion in a taxi. Stops me being grievously but silently offended when some driver who obviously spends all day flicking between Laws and Leighton starts telling me what's wrong with New Zealand these days...

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1164 posts Report Reply

  • Hilary Stace,

    Damian -. I just wanted to make the comparison with disability. If your headline had been something like 'Happy little spastic,Mongol retard' there would probably have been a reaction from people who prefer that such language is not used, even to prove a point. That's why I would like to know how Chinese New Zealanders feel about words like 'chow' being used this way.

    (But that is probably just me. I don't find blonde, Irish or sexist jokes funny either.)

    .

    Wgtn • Since Jun 2008 • 3229 posts Report Reply

  • Damian Christie,

    But that is probably just me

    I'm sure you're not alone. But me, if I'm having a discussion about when and if it's okay to use the word "nigger", I will use the word nigger in that discussion. And if it's useful to illustrate this by using other racial slurs, then so be it.

    If a Chinese New Zealander or even a New Zealand Chinese wants to take offence at the mere utterance of the word in this context, then I'm open to hearing that, and if you're offended by it, then I'm open to that too. But I'm a little confused by your implication that my post (or at least its title) is offensive, even though you find it merely flippant, and inviting people who find it so to comment.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1164 posts Report Reply

  • Kyle Matthews,

    I don't find the title offensive, in context of the post that it goes with.

    Since Nov 2006 • 6243 posts Report Reply

  • Hilary Stace,

    No, Damian, I want to know how people who might identify with those slurred against by such terms in the past actually feel about such use now. I don't find it flippant or offensive personally because it is not about me or my family history. Those who identify with this ethnic group may have a different opinion. I'm interested in the social construction of it all.

    Wgtn • Since Jun 2008 • 3229 posts Report Reply

  • Damian Christie,

    Fair 'nuf then. Of course it is possible to find something racism offensive (or flippant I guess) without being of that race...

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1164 posts Report Reply

  • Damian Christie,

    Dr John tickets have gone, by the way.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1164 posts Report Reply

  • Dinah Dunavan,

    I still wish that 12+ years ago Singapore Airlines had a manual that had a paragraph which went something like:
    "For the comfort of other paying customers please refuse to serve more than 6 standard drinks to rude, loud, fat, drunk white men. Particularly when the flight time is over 10 hours long".
    Actually I would have been happy if it left out the "rude, loud, fat, white men bit" and referred to any customers.

    Dunedin • Since Jun 2008 • 186 posts Report Reply

  • Sacha,

    That's the thing - just address the problem behaviour directly rather than making all sorts of stereotypical assumptions about whole groups of people who might exhibit it. Rudeness is pretty universal.

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 19745 posts Report Reply

  • Pete,

    Hi Damian thanks for slagging off us Wellingtonians. Appreciate that.

    In all my time working behind bars the types that I found who were looking for freebies were professional freeloaders, pure and simple.
    Some in the media, some in politics, some in sports but all of them with the blood-red nose of a professional boozehound.

    PJ O'Rourke does this shit funny. You, not so much.

    Since Apr 2008 • 106 posts Report Reply

  • Ian Dalziel,

    and just to help things further - the Refugee and Migrant Centre in Chch is to close at the end of the month, precipitated by cuts in council funding...

    "For the refugees and migrants, it will leave 15,000 people a year confused."
    But Cr Ngaire Button said the centre had been adequately funded and should have been sustainable under "prudent financial management".
    "If the centre's potential had been maximised, there would have been an extra income stream of up to $30,000 per annum to offset rental costs," she said.
    "The problem is one I have seen often in the community, where well meaning, caring people obtain funding for a good project which promises outcomes the council and other funders are interested in, but when the rubber hits the road there is a gap when it comes to financial skills and business acumen.
    "I am very sad to see the Refugee and Migrant Centre close and I sincerely hope the service will rise again under new management, with some financial accountabilities."

    I just love the way the way the council plays the blame game, and is happy to see something wiped out and then hope for the reinvention of the wheel (and all the extra start-up costs), who then should we look to for leadership, guidance and assistance?

    Meanwhile real people face real problems and hardships...

    Enough already!

    Christchurch • Since Dec 2006 • 7953 posts Report Reply

  • JackElder,

    PJ O'Rourke does this shit funny.

    Used to. His more recent stuff is getting very weak - increasingly, he's sounding like a bevvied-up uncle at a family gathering, cracking the odd joke while bemoaning the youth of today. He was a lot funnier when he was on drugs.

    Wellington • Since Mar 2008 • 709 posts Report Reply

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