Cracker by Damian Christie

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Cracker: Welcome Home?

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  • samuel walker,

    Yulia and I are broad minded people and we also study Quantum Physics, String Theory and the "unified theories" along with The Secret,

    ummmmmm, must not snark, trying desperately not to snark

    not sure what look they are going for on Yulia.co.nz either......they should stick to the cute/sexy thing with her i think.....

    How tough IS your love?

    Since Nov 2006 • 203 posts Report Reply

  • Tom Semmens,

    I love Europe, I am lucky enough to be able to afford to get there every 4-5 years for several weeks, just to remind myself that Manakau isn't a big airport, Heathrow is BIG. And to recall that urban civilisation has its own sybaritic pleasures.

    When I was in London last (northern) summer I made a point of going to Borough Markets, given all the Jamie Oliver hype the place gets and all. I was horribly disappointed; the quality of the produce was just average compared to the farmers market in Hawkes Bay I go to at every opportunity. Now, I am of the view that our bold, dazzling light has mysteriously given us a cultural predilection for bold, bursting flavour compared to a seeming European preference for bland, but beyond that it only goes to reinforce how in a country the size of the U.K. but with only four million people we have a certain effortless standard of living that Britain just can't hope to match. Oh yes, and Xmas sucks in winter. Gimme the ability to be Al Fresco in December anytime.

    In the same trip to Europe last year, I remember a feeling of slight relief at leaving from Heathrow with the all the usual excessive and pointless security, interminable queues, swaying mobs, and intemperate customers on a packed Emirates flight to Dubai. From Dubai to Bangkok, Bangkok to Sydney, Sydney to Auckland you could almost physically feel the teeming, polluted and troubled world being left behind. Sydney felt almost like home, fresh and trouble free. By the time the jet touched down in Auckland I had a palpable sense of relief at being back on the uttermost edge of the world, slower paced, mercifully underpopulated, clean. My lovely, isolated, home islands free from corruption and where reassuringly zealous customs staff protect me from the evils beyond the seas, it always makes me smile to come home.

    But then again, I hear the coke in London is really good, ubiquitous and cheap.

    Sevilla, Espana • Since Nov 2006 • 2217 posts Report Reply

  • Rebecca Williams,

    But then again, I hear the coke in London is really good, ubiquitous and cheap.

    you got that right, brother.

    Auckland • Since Mar 2007 • 120 posts Report Reply

  • Damian Christie,

    Cheap is relative of course, as this graph from the Economist on world cocaine prices indicates.

    http://www.economist.com/daily/chartgallery/displaystory.cfm?story_id=9414607

    Although talking to a friend who knows about such things, he doesn't know anyone who's ever actually paid $715 for a gram in New Zealand (unless that's working on the basis that it's around $350, but it's cut by 50% by the time the NZ consumer gets to it).

    Or perhaps the guy from the Economist is getting ripped off... "Hey I'm from the Economist, doing a story on world cocaine prices... how much would you like for that gram of cocaine? $715? Sounds fair... that's one hundred... two hundred... three hundred..."

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1164 posts Report Reply

  • Ben Austin,

    The Borough Markets are nice because they provide guaranteed reliable street food at and are a great place to meet for lunch if you can't. Its like a mall food hall but not shit, without teenagers and with people thrusting delicious samples upon you at every turn

    London • Since Nov 2006 • 1027 posts Report Reply

  • Mark Graham,

    If that was you firing off skyrocket crackers at Abby's house on NY eve at midnight...then 1am...then 2am...then 3am...then 4am and then finally at 5am, then you deserve to have been burnt. Pity it was just minor.

    In fact, come to think of it, you were probably disturbing some poor soul's sleep at midnight somwhere anyway, so nice to see the firecracker biting back.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 218 posts Report Reply

  • Damian Christie,

    ...you deserve to have been burnt. Pity it was just minor

    Charming. Yes, how dare anyone make a ruckus on New Years Eve, good on you for wishing more serious burns on them Mark. You should have a chat with Garth McVicar about your ideas...

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1164 posts Report Reply

  • Paul Litterick,

    I came here to snark about the Quantum Physics and String Theory but someone got there before me.

    The rest of the post was good too.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 1000 posts Report Reply

  • Tom Semmens,

    it says in that Economist article "...in far-flung New Zealand..." How Eurocentric!! I would suggest that as the submarine subbles (or whatever they do) Auckland would be close to Colombia than London.

    It has to be our few entry points and uncorrupted customs and police service to blame.

    As for local prices, lore has it that if you actually get hold of the stuff it'll be cut 75% and cost a coll grand... But cocaine in New Zealand is an urban myth, everyone knows someone who knows someone but no one has ACTUALLY ever got any.

    Or maybe I just don't roll with Ridgy and Ellis's crew.

    Sevilla, Espana • Since Nov 2006 • 2217 posts Report Reply

  • Danyl Mclauchlan,

    But cocaine in New Zealand is an urban myth, everyone knows someone who knows someone but no one has ACTUALLY ever got any.

    A few years back a friend was raving about the great stuff he could score - a quick sample (informed by years in London working in the banking industry) revealed he'd just paid $800 for fifty bucks worth of speed. I got the impression he'd been buying it for a while and also supplying his fellow workmates/suckers in the ad industry. Someone sure cleaned up there.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 927 posts Report Reply

  • Sue,

    but fireworks on new years eve is a new Zealand tradition
    doesn't everyone save fireworks from guy fawkes?

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 527 posts Report Reply

  • Mark Graham,

    Hey - happy to let people fire off a couple at midnight, even tho my dog is terrified and it wakes up my toddlers, especially when they explode in the street outside.

    But when they go off hourly for the rest of the night, and then morons continue to let them off between 10pm and 1am on random days throughout the rest of the year, well, tolerance goes so far.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 218 posts Report Reply

  • Sue,

    well beyond new years is something else

    but honestly for new years eve

    - always, always lock my cat up and have a nice blanket for her to hide in.
    - i assume neighborhood noise is the norm for it's the one night in the year you just suck in not getting sleep.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 527 posts Report Reply

  • Damian Christie,

    Hey - happy to let people fire off a couple at midnight

    Well apparently not, based on your first comment. Anyway, it was more the wishing that any injuries I'd sustained were major rather than minor I take exception to.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1164 posts Report Reply

  • Stephen Judd,

    fireworks on new years eve is a new Zealand tradition doesn't everyone save fireworks from guy fawkes?

    I can clearly remember being surprised in Germany, 1987, at the fireworks on New Years Eve, and thinking that nobody did that in New Zealand. Hoarding Guy Fawkes fireworks for later is quite recent, I think.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 3122 posts Report Reply

  • Damian Christie,

    But cocaine in New Zealand is an urban myth, everyone knows someone who knows someone but no one has ACTUALLY ever got any.

    In my years managing DJs and nightclubs I saw enough being bought, sold and snorted to know that it's far from a myth. And you can just as easily get ripped off buying shite in London as you can in Auckland. Probably easier, because NZ is a small place if you rip someone off. Logically, you'd imagine when it arrives in NZ it is as good quality as when it arrives in the UK, but lack of supply options means those selling it can cut it a lot more than would be tolerated elsewhere. So unless you actually know the person bringing it in, expect it to be stepped on significantly.

    But yes, far more ubiquitous in London than NZ, and unless you're hanging out with drug dealers, advertising types and millionaires, the chances of someone randomly offering you a line of their $350/g coke at a party is pretty minimal.

    Which is good, because it's illegal, and bad for you...

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1164 posts Report Reply

  • daleaway,

    I've had a large sea/city view for the last 30 years and seen New Year's fireworks in NZ only in the last ten or so. Apart from the (very) odd yahoo in earlier years. In the last couple of years it has become more widespread but is by no means the norm.

    On the other hand, I recall being in a country village near Amsterdam for New Year's Eve 1970, and seeing the rockets light up the wintry sky at midnight from many villages all around - thinking, this would never work in New Zealand as the villages are too far apart.

    New Year's Eve in New Zealand was "traditionally" celebrated with a few drinks at home with family and friends, unless you were in Queenstown or for some reason, Gisborne, where people gathered in the streets. Later, Mt Maunganui. Street celebrations were a very late starter in other centres - nothing major till the 1980s. By that time somebody had convinced us we had to be loud and obnoxious to be enjoying ourselves...

    Since Jul 2007 • 198 posts Report Reply

  • Rich of Observationz,

    I've occasionally wondered if the coca bush would thrive in a New Zealand forest?

    Back in Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 5550 posts Report Reply

  • ali bramwell,

    On the subject of your future dates with customs officials: yes Im afraid you are right, that 'little note' on your file about importing pharmaceuticals will have an effect. From now on never book a tight flight connection or ask a busy person to wait for you in the arrivals hall.

    I travel for work occasionally, not all the time, but often enough (average 2-4 international inbounds a year) to know that random selection and irrational paranoia are both unlikely. I really do get searched every time I come back in. A sympathetic customs officer (some of them are very nice, fortunately) informed me the 'little note' on my file that causes the alert is about my 'suspicious travel pattern.' It may have been the trip to Bosnia, or the one to North Korea...whichever, Ive been doomed for a while now to have those little heartwarming chats about my 'activities' and to unpack my laundry for someone to rifle through.

    So even without the headache pills they stung you for, the fact that you went to Poppy and Terrorism capital of the world would probably have been enough to set you up for similar fate.

    Lie back and think of the Queen dear,(or Juliette Binoche if she's more your taste) it'll be over soon.

    and if not well...at least NZ is safe from your (and my) obvious criminal and subversive tendencies(?) Strangely, Im not comforted.

    Dunedin • Since Jul 2007 • 33 posts Report Reply

  • Simon Grigg,

    So even without the headache pills they stung you for, the fact that you went to Poppy and Terrorism capital of the world would probably have been enough to set you up for similar fate.

    but of course if they actually put one and one together in any meaningful way they'd likely realise that someone who had just done so was the least of their worries.

    The logic behind the conclusion that Damien was likely to go to Afghanistan and return with a pocketful of Class anything perhaps goes part of the way to explaining why NZ is as awash with imported drugs as it is (and it is).

    Just another klong... • Since Nov 2006 • 3284 posts Report Reply

  • Mark Graham,

    Anyway, it was more the wishing that any injuries I'd sustained were major rather than minor I take exception to.

    Hey - I tell you what, next time you're at Abby's firing off crackers, I'll bring my terrified dog and my screaming children across and we'll see how much fun that is for you.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 218 posts Report Reply

  • samuel walker,

    Hey - I tell you what, next time you're at Abby's firing off crackers, I'll bring my terrified dog and my screaming children across and we'll see how much fun that is for you.

    ummm, mark, i think you better go back and read the thread.....

    Since Nov 2006 • 203 posts Report Reply

  • Mark Graham,

    Sorry Sam
    Side issue between Damian and myself

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 218 posts Report Reply

  • Damian Christie,

    Side issue between Damian and myself

    Well to be fair Mark, you seem to be the one with the issue, I only mentioned I was sunburnt and had been hit by a firework, you were the one who came out saying it was a pity my injuries were only minor. For the sake of clarity, and because you keep coming back to it, I never let off any fireworks on NYE.

    I'm sorry if your dog doesn't like fireworks and that partygoers apparently kept your kids awake on New Year's. But as I said, I think wishing serious burns on anyone is uncalled for, implicitly threatening, and I suggest you consider how appropriate such comments are in the future.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1164 posts Report Reply

  • samuel walker,

    Side issue between Damian and myself

    to be clear, i don't mind so much the side issue, or in fact robust-passioned-tangential debate here.

    But I have no idea why you seem to be ranting in a threatening way at Damien about something he hasn't even done.

    He got slightly burnt by a fire work close to midnight on new years eve. You seem furious at people who set off fireworks at random intervals through the night all through out the year.

    I have no idea how you came to link the two....

    Since Nov 2006 • 203 posts Report Reply

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