"All hail the Spider God," said a press release issued by the National Party. "The new National candidate for Epsom in 2011."
"The Spider God is not well-known by the general public but it is held in high regard within the National Party. It once ruled over a pre-human civilisation on the ruins of which the Maori pa that gradually became Auckland were built and it is worshipped by the criminally insane, in addition to which it enjoys strong relationships within the Auckland business community. We think the Spider God is the ideal candidate to represent Epsom for the next hundred thousand years."
According to biographical notes on its Facebook page, the Spider God is older than our universe by more time than we can imagine, has left countless billions of worlds lifeless and shrouded in silk and has served on the boards of Lion-Nathan and Huljich Wealth Management.