Posts by Chris Waugh
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Hard News: Cultures and violence, in reply to BenWilson,
It seems to me that understanding what’s going on is paramount and men don’t have a monopoly on that.
Not quite what I meant. There are problems that are specifically male. Men don't have a monopoly on understanding those problems, but we do have the responsibility to deal with those problems. It's getting late and I have other stuff I need to get onto now, so please excuse me if I need to clarify things later, but what I'm saying is that us men need to promote a model of masculinity that eschews violence except where violence is absolutely necessary and unavoidable, promotes peace, love and understanding (and what's so funny about that?), and is truly inclusive and egalitarian.
As for nuturing, put it this way: I love reading books or telling stories to my daughter. I love watching her destroy towers I build out of her blocks. I love showing her how she can make music on her harmonica, xylophone or toy piano. I love turning on some good tunes and watching her dance, or giving her paper and felts or crayons and watching her draw - whether she draws on the paper, on me, or on anything else. I love taking her to a local store and giving her one of her favourite yoghurt drinks on a Friday afternoon as is our habit. Your statement:
I feel very much disempowered by being the caregiver rather than the breadwinner.
I can't interpret because I don't know your situation. I am the main breadwinner in my family, and I do what I can to nuture my daughter. I don't see a contradiction.
Sorry, I'm running out of time and I have to leave it at that. I'm sure there's a lot I've left ill-explained.
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Hard News: Cultures and violence, in reply to Megan Wegan,
but why does it have to be me? Why isn’t it you guys.
It shouldn't be you, for two reasons. Firstly, as you rightly point out, the problem guys aren't going to listen to you. Secondly, it's one of those rare issues where it really is a guy thing. It's up to us men to sort our shit out - individually and collectively.
The question is what can we do?
As a father I can teach certain values and model certain behaviours. But I don't have a son (well, yet.... who knows...). And I have been called a 超级奶爸 (chāojí nǎibā - really hard to translate, like a father who takes a lot of care of his kid) and I think, what's more masculine than taking care of and nurturing your kids?
As a teacher I police how my male students treat their female classmates - and I do see behaviours that worry me, like men playfighting with women, and I say, "What kind of man are you, hitting a woman?" "But she hit me first!" "You're a man aren't you?" And yes, I could improve on that, so really, suggestions welcome. And again, modelling appropriate, respectful behaviour. And letting them see my love of languages, literatures, cultures... learning - yeah, dudes can do books and still be masculine.
As a friend, peer, colleague... That's where it gets difficult. See, the problem men are just as likely to not really listen to me as they totally won't listen to you. Here where I am the problem is more often racism than mysogyny, but the two often go hand in hand. I can, and do put my ideas out there. "All Chinese are.... " "Righto, but have you considered this aspect of Chinese history/society/culture and how it may affect behaviours that you don't fully understand" "Well, ok, umm, but all Chinese are..." Or: "Women belong in the home! I'd never take orders from my wife the way you do!" "Ummm... right.... why is it you aren't married?" "Because I'd never let a woman control me!" - and yes, that is a summary of several real world conversations I have found myself in. And I do what I can to put ideas of equality and mutual respect out there but I find myself butting my head against a brick wall, because at least that way I feel better when I stop, whereas trying to argue with these guys just leaves me infuriated. And I find myself giving up because I can't persuade them to even listen to me let alone consider that there might be other possible ideas of how things should be because they have this fixed idea of how the world should be and how it is, and how it is is wrong and that's that. I can't persuade them to consider other ideas, but I can live my life by my values.
And really, I don't think it's your place to sort these problem men out. I really do think it's up to us men to sort our shit out and put an end to male violence against women, children and each other, and it's up to us white men to put an end to the myth of white male supremacy. And I don't think we lose anything by doing so - I really think we gain. But if you have any ideas for what I, personally, or men, collectively could be doing better, do share, because I have a daughter and I know what future I want for her.
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Capture: The Castle, in reply to Hebe,
Thanks, Hebe, that's beautiful. And I think I'll play that to my students. Should be covered by fair use, right? It is time for my 1st years to get their Christmas lesson.
Jackson, great story, reminiscences welcomed rather than forgiven.
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Hard News: Cultures and violence, in reply to Kumara Republic,
Maybe, but phrasing it more cleverly doesn't strengthen the argument.
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Gwynne Dyer weighs in. Not his best piece, but a couple of interesting points.
Here's one reason to suspect that it's not that simple: the American rate for murders of all kinds - shooting, strangling, stabbing, poisoning, pushing people under buses, etc - is seven times higher than it is in those other 22 rich countries. It can't just be guns.
and:
Pinker quotes historian Pieter Spierenburg's provocative suggestion that "democracy came too early" to America. In European countries, the population was gradually disarmed by the centralised state as it put an end to feudal anarchy. Only much later, after people had already learned to trust the law to defend their property and protect them from violence, did democracy come to these countries.
This is also what has happened in most other parts of the world, although in many cases it was the colonial power that disarmed the people and instituted the rule of law. But in the United States, where the democratic revolution came over two centuries ago, the people took over the state before they had been disarmed - and kept their weapons. They also kept their old attitudes.
Um, what? So Americans are less socially evolved than the rest of us? Never been to America, so the many Americans I've met are by definition unusual, but I find that hard to believe.
Indeed, large parts of the United States, particularly in the southeast and southwest, still have an "honour" culture in which it is accepted that a private individual may choose to defend his rights and his interests by violence rather than seeking justice through the law. The homicide rate in New England is less than three people per 100,000 per year; in Louisiana it is more than 14.
Anybody more familiar with the US care to comment? That's certainly not something I'd noticed in the Americans I've met.
Many Americans I've talked to about guns talk about the Revolution and the reasons for it, so yeah, I think there is something about American history that informs the 2nd Amendment. Many, many would be entirely comfortable with a gun control scheme similar to Canada, Australia or New Zealand. Many others talk about the need to defend themselves and their families in a violent, dangerous society - they're often ex-military types* in my experience.
As for gun control, on the same day as Adam Lanza shot up his old school (feels wrong to phrase it that way, but not enough caffeine yet) a guy took a knife to a kindergarten in Henan and hacked at the kids - 20-odd injured, no deaths. Guns are available in China, but not legally, so not easily. Those who like to shoot for sport can only do so at gun ranges - where I've heard you can play with some pretty heavy-duty "toys" if you're that way inclined - but you can't take the guns home with you. Those who feel the need to defend themselves and their families in a violent, dangerous society learn martial arts. Those who feel the need to attack children at schools do so with knives, and never achieve high body counts. So, yeah, the availability off guns is clearly a factor.
As for why so many people in both America and China feel the need to attack students at schools, I really don't know.
Becoming the daddy of a wee girl really highlighted and continues to emphasise to me the radically different ways boys and girls are socialised. But that's not enough to explain things. Kiwi, Chinese, and I presume American boys - boys the world over, I guess - are given toy guns, soldiers, tanks, fighter planes to play with. But while in America troubled young men take guns and explosives to school and in China troubled men (not always young) take knives to schools and kindergartens, you don't often hear of schools being attacked in many other countries.
*I've talked to and gotten to know people who've served in a variety of military forces - Army, Air Force, Navy, Marines; US, UK, Norway, Greece, New Zealand... - gross generalisation, but the American ex-military types tend to be the weirdest, most broken and battered in my experience. Don't know why that is.
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Poetry on the street. Saw an old guy writing stuff in chalk on the footpath on my way home, then saw completed poems. Not sure if it was the same guy, didn’t hang around to chat, being so outgoing and sociable, just snapped a few pics on the cellphone. First two poems by Mao Zedong, third by Guo Moruo, so of dubious artistic merit…. still better than no poetry on the street, though.
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Capture: The Castle, in reply to Gareth,
I think the fluffy tree snow comes from poplars.
That was my assumption, although apparently willows can produce it too. But I'm a little confused. Our poplars here in Beijing shed over a period of a couple of weeks in April each year - shouldn't that equate to October or November in NZ?
And we've got so many poplars in Beijing that for a couple of weeks in April walking down the road can be most uncomfortable, to the point where somebody developed tree contraceptives to inject into the poplars.
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Hard News: This is Your TV on Drugs, in reply to BenWilson,
But does the FBI go after pot anyway? Seems a bit small-potatoes for them.
Large scale interstate commerce? Or is that the province of the DEA? Why does America have so many police forces, anyway?
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Capture: The Castle, in reply to Russell Brown,
Cool. And you reminded me that taking the wee one for her latest vaccination on Friday meant parking at a similar market. Lots of old gadgets there, too, but the carpark is next to the statuary.
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Capture: The Castle, in reply to BenWilson,
Good shot, Ben. Heat haze and you still have that kind of visibility – wow, makes me wonder what state my lungs are in.
Spoke too soon - good shots.
