Posts by Jackie Clark
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Oh Sarah, I am so sorry that the last year or so has been so rough for you. So so sad for all of you.
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Steve, that was fantastic. Thankyou. I'd never heard of the bloke - off to google him now.
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I know I'm a day late but I have been at my lovely Mum's for a few days. So I hope everyone had a suitably relaxed day yesterday. I had a lovely day, and yes this is an appropriate forum to say that I love my family more than almost anyone else. They are the people I am my most authentic with. None of us are alike and yet we are all - well, 7 out of the 9 of us - so very similar. We are all pretty bossy, and fairly loud when we're together, and most of us are only really comfortable around each other, I think. They would say I'm wrong because until recently they always thought I was. The only one missing is my Dad. It's our fifth year without him, and his absence is keenly felt. He left a very large Tom sized hole and there just isn't any point trying to fill it. He was loud and bossy, and very loving, and we all loved him back very very much. He also absolutely loved Xmas - he was Santa in his red nightcap and nightshirt, and he played the part so well. He was the centre of our family, and we are all, still, a little lost without him.
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I don't go to the cinema often, and when I do it's with my mother, and they are always Rialto/Lido/Bridgeway filums. Just watched a great film that I taped the other night In America. Beautiful.
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I love nana naps. I just had a four hour one. There are people here who could benefit from nana naps. Russell, are you listening?
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My big love story, was the Kenepuru detox unit.
That, my friend, is love. You're right that love has many levels of meaning. There's romantic love, of course, but for me, love is the feeling when you see someone or a place or a thing - writing and art for me - where you well. You just well, as if your body can't contain all the emotion that that person/place/thing evokes in you. For me it's that visceral. I still say that my favourite film is Magik and Rose because it evoked in me that feeling of deep down to the toes warmth, and my eyes welled, full of tears of joy.
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The intertwining trees bit interests me, and always has. Kahlil Gibran, in his text The Prophet, when speaking of marriage (which you can translate into longterm relationships I would say) talks of two trees also, but in his instance they stand apart.
Then Almitra spoke again and said, "And what of Marriage, master?"
And he answered saying:
You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when white wings of death scatter your days.
Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together, yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.
I've loved those sentiments for the longest time. But then love means different things to different people. And we all show love to each other in our own very unique ways.
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Oh Robert, that is just devastating. I am so sorry that your friends died. Sometimes life just sucks, doesn't it?
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Beautiful, Russell.
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Ah, love. When I was 20, I thought I knew what it was. But I was wrong. I didn't think I was capable of really loving someone. So I had a lot of sex instead. And then when I was 28, I fell in love with a man who was eminently unsuitable. He was a drinker, and I hated drinkers. He was emotionally stunted, and I was emotionally articulate. He wanted babies and I didn't. He asked me to marry him when he was drunk, and stupidly, I accepted. On our wedding day, he was tipsy. And then the crunch came a year or so into our marriage. I didn't want to do it anymore, and I told him, so he stopped. A few years later he still wasn't drinking. I was so proud of him. And then he got leukemia, and his chances of living were very poor. We did what we needed to do, together. I washed his shitty pyjamas, held his head when he was sick from all the chemo. I did everything you were supposed to do, because it made me feel needed, and potent. He lost his job not long after all of that drama, and so we struggled through his unemployment. He got another job, but the firm went bankrupt. And so finally he decided to work for himself. He did that for 7 years until one day, he told me he couldn't do it anymore. So now he doesn't work. It's been a sometimes turbulent 19 years, but here we are washed up on the shore of almost tranquility. And I love him 100 times more than when I married him. That's what they never tell you when you fall in love with someone - that if it's a love that's going to last, you will never know, unless you stick around.