Posts by Steve Barnes
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“How are you?”
“Well, (brain clicks into gear and says, “you could leave it there” but…) a bit pissed off really, how can John Key…… …..and what about…… …..Can you believe what those bastards…. …..”
Most people don’t ask me anymore.
But it does give me an excuse to post this again…How to Win Arguments, As It Were
by DAVE BARRYI argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don’t even invite me. You too can win arguments. Simply follow these rules:
Drink Liquor.
Suppose you’re at a party and some hotshot intellectual is expounding on the economy of Peru, a subject you know nothing about. If you’re drinking some health-fanatic drink like grapefruit juice, you’ll hang back, afraid to display your ignorance, while the hotshot enthralls your date. But if you drink several large martinis, you’ll discover you have STRONG VIEWS about the Peruvian economy. You’ll be a WEALTH of information. You’ll argue forcefully, offering searing insights and possibly upsetting furniture. People will be impressed. Some may leave the room.
Make things up.
Suppose, in the Peruvian economy argument, you are trying to prove Peruvians are underpaid, a position you base solely on the fact that YOU are underpaid, and you’re damned if you’re going to let a bunch of Peruvians be better off. DON’T say: ``I think Peruvians are underpaid.’’ Say: ``The average Peruvian’s salary in 1981 dollars adjusted for the revised tax base is $1,452.81 per annum, which is $836.07 before the mean gross poverty level.’’
NOTE: Always make up exact figures.
If an opponent asks you where you got your information, make THAT up, too. Say: ``This information comes from Dr. Hovel T. Moon’s study for the Buford Commission published May 9, 1982. Didn’t you read it?’’ Say this in the same tone of voice you would use to say ``You left your soiled underwear in my bath house.’’
Use meaningless but weightly-sounding words and phrases.
Memorize this list:
Let me put it this way
In terms of
Vis-a-vis
Per se
As it were
Qua
So to speakYou should also memorize some Latin abbreviations such as ``Q.E.D.,’’ ``e.g.,’’ and ``i.e.’’ These are all short for ``I speak Latin, and you do not.’’
Here’s how to use these words and phrases. Suppose you want to say: ``Peruvians would like to order appetizers more often, but they don’t have enough money.’’
You never win arguments talking like that. But you WILL win if you say: ``Let me put it this way. In terms of appetizers vis-a-vis Peruvians qua Peruvians, they would like to order them more often, so to speak, but they do not have enough money per se, as it were. Q.E.D.’’
Only a fool would challenge that statement.
Use snappy and irrelevant comebacks.
You need an arsenal of all-purpose irrelevant phrases to fire back at your opponents when they make valid points. The best are:
You’re begging the question.
You’re being defensive.
Don’t compare apples and oranges.
What are your parameters?This last one is especially valuable. Nobody, other than mathematicians, has the vaguest idea what ``parameters’’ means.
Here’s how to use your comebacks:
You say: ``As Abraham Lincoln said in 1873…’’
Your opponent says: ``Lincoln died in 1865.’’
You say: ``You’re begging the question.’’OR
You say: ``Liberians, like most Asians…’’
Your opponent says: ``Liberia is in Africa.’’
You say: ``You’re being defensive.’’Compare your opponent to Adolf Hitler.
This is your heavy artillery, for when your opponent is obviously right and you are spectacularly wrong. Bring Hitler up subtly. Say: ``That sounds suspiciously like something Adolf Hitler might say’’ or ``You certainly do remind me of Adolf Hitler.’’
So that’s it: you now know how to out-argue anybody. Do not try to pull this on people who generally carry weapons.
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From Red Alert
A good read from Ann Salmond, anthropologist and author weighing into the debate on inequality in the NZ Herald yesterday.
The international rating agencies have done all New Zealanders a favour. The double downgrade of the country’s credit rating makes it clear that the policies and philosophies promoted by successive governments are not working.
A good read indeed.
Full article here -
Hard News: Winning the RWC: it's complicated, in reply to Russell Brown,
I did have to listen to more about batteries than I really cared to know in the process, though …
But Wait There's More
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Hard News: The Politics of Absence, in reply to Ian Dalziel,
Hopefully that means we get to renegotiate the ludicrously low price the smelter pays for 15% of our total power generation output –
Here is the Act Manapouri-Te Anau Development Act 1963
Reading it now, may be some time…ETA
The Company may with the written consent of the Minister transfer its rights and obligations under this agreement in whole;
so it would seem that the transfer of rights is up to the Minister.
There is a lot more that should concern us in this Act like the tax and duty exemptions.
Plus,,, the name Bechtel Pacific Corporation Limited sends shivers up my spine.Other applicable Act;
Invercargill City Aluminium Smelter Water Supply Act 1971 No 1 -
Hard News: Where are the foreigners?!, in reply to merc,
My friend has a business on P .rd and I knew she had stuff to say.
They don't sleep much either.
P. rd, so apt. -
Hard News: The Politics of Absence, in reply to hamishm,
I am sure that sailors and ship people do a very hard job with consummate skill
Back in the day kids would lie about their age to get into the Merchant Marine, it was a life on the ocean wave, an adventure where you would learn skills that would see you through a career of some of the most amazing experiences known to Humankind.
There were regulations and Unions to prevent exploitation of workers and environment and everybody got a puppy and a pony (note. ponies and puppies were likely to be covered in oil and crap as ships were allowed to flush out all kinds of shit back then).
These days, it seems, the only reason boys go to sea is because that it is the only way they can scrape a meagre pittance together to feed their families whilst being exploited by the greedy who are no longer expected to take any care at all.
Oh well, that's progress I suppose. -
Hard News: Angry and thrilled about Arie, in reply to Kumara Republic,
I wonder if it has a certain McMansion devleoper's fingerprints all over it.
I found this interesting, Capitalism at its finest, with a bit of help from the Government of course.
HOUSING: Up from the Potato Fields
Monday, July 03, 1950To a man, Bill Levitt and all the other builders know exactly whom to thank for the boom and the steadily expanding market. Said one San Francisco builder last week: "If it weren't for the Government, the boom would end overnight."
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/* Life */
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Hard News: Angry and thrilled about Arie, in reply to Ian Dalziel,
*I wonder if it is a piece of ironic commentary that these tours begin on November 5 – Guy Fawkes day
We used to call it "Firework Night" when I were a Kid...
Te Herald, on the other hand, would call it something like...
A huge fire and light showThat triggers a name
This Trigger's a horse...
Must be having a Cowboy Day.
;-) -
Hard News: About Occupy Wall Street, in reply to Ian Dalziel,
indeed, if you are John Banner aka Sgt Schultz
Who also appeared in this...
Damsels in Distress The Lone Ranger (TV series 1949–1957)
What do we get?
The Loan Arranger
My Ho Silver
He wears a Smile as a Mask.If only he were like the other John...
John ReidTonto says to the Ranger,"You can take mask off now." The Ranger replies that he will continue to wear the mask as a symbol of truth and justice and as a way to strike fear into the hearts of outlaws all over the West. And so he always wore the mask after that.