Posts by BenWilson
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Up Front: Casual, Shallow and Meaningless, in reply to Amy Gale,
Tell me you didn't just give away the ending.
LOL!
I'll confess to not reading so much for pleasure. So it's not a great opener for me.
But it doesn't matter squat, really, that's what small-talk haters don't get. You could have said "blardy bloop?" and I'd have got most of the useful information before the end of the utterance. You'd have made eye contact, smiled, nodded, waited for a pause, squared up, said your thing, and waited. 90% of the casual information required has already been passed at this point. I'll have worked out that you wanted to casually talk to me, that you were friendly, polite, and wanted me to do my little bit now, whatever it is.
Or not, on any of those points. All of them are quite vital to my response. If you don't want to talk to me, I'll pick it up from the tone, rather than the words. If you really want to, likewise. Actually, quite a lot of it would have happened before this point anyway, most likely we'd have spotted each other, possibly had a name exchange, smelled the person, felt their handshake, and our subconsciouses would have delivered a visceral decision quite quickly. Most of the impressions have already been made, but there is a window to change this, if the information was not actually right, and you care. The distraction could have been genuine, rather than disinterest. The shifty gaze could be cultural. Perhaps they are simply nervous because they have forgotten your name (in which case "Hi, I'm X" is a good opener).
It's worth remembering that this information is possibly the most important that will pass between most people in a gathering. Why carry on, if you just don't like someone? Do they have an attraction? Are they actually angry or threatening? Do they want something, and are you prepared to give it? Are they busy already, with some flirtation, or a deep conversation? Do they know who you are? Do you know who they are? Should you know, if you don't? Should they? What mood are they in? Can they speak your language? Are they well? Or sick, and perhaps best kept at a healthy distance? Do they have responsibilities, like children or serving the party, which could be distractions?
The idea that my position on global warming is more important than these things is false. You'll never get to that if I just think you're an arrogant cock right from the get-go because your approach is all wrong. Or if you can't bear to even approach me.
Sure, it could be a matter of personal style that you just can't bear to do these things. If so, it's a bit of a cross to bear, because it limits your ability to interact with thousands of people who could actually be right up your alley.
I personally don't much enjoy it, because I'm not actually particularly sociable. I'd rather have one good conversation in an evening than 25 shallow ones. However, I need to get through some fraction of those 25 before I can even choose which conversation I want to immerse into. Just because I happen to be standing next to someone who wants to have a deep conversation doesn't mean I want to have a deep conversation with them. What if it's about something incredibly boring, or worse, offensive?* What if there's 3 other people who I'd rather be talking to, but I can't get to them?
That is what small talk is for. To find who you want to have the big talk with.
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Field Theory: A moment of national significance, in reply to Jackie Clark,
For today, let's celebrate what a great party we put on. Let's celebrate a day off. And let's celebrate Spring, in all her glory. We have a lot of stuff to sort out, but that stuff will be there tomorrow.
Snap. The euphoria from sporting wins has been, in my experience, extremely brief. A little of it is good. I hope it kickstarts the nation along positive pathways of thought and mood. But I doubt the effect will be that profound.
For me the two big things that have come from this is the feeling that NZ is still good at something, and that we have an unexpected capacity for partying on the cheap, something I hope continues. It won't do the retail sector any good, but expecting an economy in recession to recover through retail is a foolish Ponzi scheme, one of the many that has done us harm for quite some time.
But provide some shelter for your tomatoes for they will suffer if night-time temperatures fall below 10c.
Mulching and cloches, today's jobs.
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Nice way to spend a Labour Weekend.
First, tomato and capsicum planting. Bloody good exercise, gardening, the kids like it too.
Second, a couple of days away at Waiheke. Kayaking and swimming, and Ozzie beating Wales.
Third, the Final. At 3pm Quay St is chocka, as we weave our way from the ferry. The queue to get onto Queen's Wharf is all the way back to the Viaduct. People are in a very high state of excitement, even more than at the opening ceremony. Regardless of outcome, people are going to par-tay, that is clear.
Fourth, Victory! A steadily building dread is replaced by a wave of relief. France silences all suggestions that they should not be in the final, and their captain is gracious in defeat as a long awaited ceremony culminates in the money shot of McCaw holding the Cup aloft.
Fifth, Party. I cruise into the city, fighting off exhaustion (the late games are killers when I rise at 6am for the kids) to find the only traffic jam I've experienced in Auckland in years. K-Road is bumper to bumper and the streets are busier than I've ever seen them. Queen St is actually gridlocked, and closed off. The crowds are getting crazier and crazier, and 2 near misses with drunken pedestrians cause me my first regret for the entire nation wearing black. Some more beers, and I'm feeling shattered, and drift off to sleep to sound of continual honking and cheering from the streets.
Sixth, euphoric hangover. Today, I wonder how long the glow can last. My bet is that it might get past lunchtime today, as reality asserts itself. A bit more gardening, and then time to put a bunch of stuff on TradeMe, as I ponder how to feed my family, unemployed during a recession that appears to have no end. But there is a plan, and my post RWC resolution is to spend less time writing and more time working.
It could be time to turn thoughts to the election, but the rational voter paradox looms large, that at a time when discussion could be at its most valuable, I have the least time for it. It's a taste of how kids feel about politics, as the empowered voting blocs look likely to vote squarely for their interests, and the mad path of property overinvestment, agragrian specialization, finance industry bailouts, asset sales, tax cuts, neglect of disaster relief, and a total lack of any vision for the economy seems likely to shoo in, unless Labour and the Greens can take some inspiration from the French and show how there's really only one poll that counts.
It's been a horrendous year for NZ, with one bright spot, this Tournament that has now ended. From here, nothing is going to save us from steadily increasing hardship other than our own actions, simultaneously looking after ourselves and our dependents, and also the nation as a whole. I'm going to allow myself one half day of basking, taking the rest that this weekend is meant to be all about, before applying myself like I never have before. If you folk don't see me much, it's probably better that way for a while.
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Last post until my hangover wears off: Go ABs! I hope France plays well, and I hope they get soundly thrashed nonetheless.
'Night all.
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Hard News: When the Game is Over, in reply to Matthew Poole,
it'd be nice if some foreigners who aren't transport experts passed comment on who awful the public transport experience in NZ as a whole, and Auckland (as the largest city) in particular, really is.
Yes it would be interesting to hear if that really is their opinion. Given they wouldn't need to commute, I would think their experience would have been "why use public transport in Auckland?" I've been amazed by how bad the traffic hasn't been, for the duration of the cup.
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Up Front: Casual, Shallow and Meaningless, in reply to Marcus Turner,
Perhaps they've deliberately learned how to do this, or are somehow just gifted with perception and skill.
Both, I'd say, in most cases. The naturally gifted simply get more opportunities to learn, so a feedback loop is established. Good post, by the way. Not too long at all.
The thing I feel, and I think I feel it in the company of PAS types particularly, is a sense that I intimidate people in a physical way. One of my most powerful peer groups over the years has been sporting people, and that does rub off in carriage and manner. It's very strange, but I have noticed if I slouch and compress myself down and reduce direct eye contact, I get on better. Weird and uncomfortable, but I guess we assume the shapes of our tribes over time.
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Up Front: Casual, Shallow and Meaningless, in reply to Jackie Clark,
So if you don't do small talk (I'm assuming we mean that initial "Hi, how are you? etc" that people do when they first meet), what does that first blooming of friendship look to many of you?
Good question. For me it's an extremely gradual process. I can have many very enjoyable and cordial interactions with people without having the slightest further interest in them. I can also have very deep and engaged and enjoyable interactions with people, without them ever being people I'd socialize with (colleagues are often like this). It's quite mysterious really, I can't account for it at all, how my closest friends became that way. I can't remember where I met them, or any crucial engagement in which it became clear to me that these were my bosom buddies.
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Up Front: Casual, Shallow and Meaningless, in reply to Ian Dalziel,
Really good stuff Ian, I like that one very much.
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Hard News: Thinking Digital, in reply to Matthew Poole,
They also pose distribution security challenges which, if surmounted adequately, indicate the existence of a distribution channel of sufficient security to make the use of the pads redundant. When you can send a one-time pad with perfect certainty that it cannot be compromised, you don’t need the pad :P
Not true at all. You can send an enormous pad with massive security in one go. Then you can make as many safe instantaneous communications as you like, with no fear whatsoever that it can be intercepted and read. I could give my friend a USB drive with the pad on it, and they could take it with them anywhere. Then they can communicate with me with uncrackable encryption, and if the pad "pages" are deleted as you go, it's gone forever. Doesn't matter if aliens have been listening with unimaginably powerful computers, they can never know what was passed.
But yes, it still requires the secure pad exchange, which can't be done ad hoc. So it has limited usefulness. Probably good for spies and terrorists and government agencies of the very most paranoid kind. Not much use otherwise. I believe that one was used between the White House and the Kremlin during the Cold War. Even if the data was intercepted, we will never, ever, know what it said using cryptanalysis.
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Up Front: Casual, Shallow and Meaningless, in reply to Emma Hart,
What I would really, really love to be able to do is hostess properly.
It's a skill, most certainly. But there's small talk in it. Introducing people to the next love of their life might involve wading through the shallows. It seems like a very meaningful activity to me.
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