Posts by BenWilson
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Up Front: Casual, Shallow and Meaningless, in reply to HORansome,
It may be a skill that can be taught but it won't necessarily enrich your life.
No, that's true. But it's got a high probability of doing so. Maths is much the same. Some people want to die from maths, sure. But of itself, it's a great boon to humanity. Small talk, being the first talk most strangers engage in, and most people being strangers to each other, is up there.
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Up Front: Casual, Shallow and Meaningless, in reply to JacksonP,
While I agree with you, I don't think instilling self-worth and confidence in young children is all that easy, otherwise we would be living in a different world, no?
Indeed. The small talk is only a small piece of the picture. But every skill one acquires increases confidence, which goes with self-worth. I guess I'm just saying that it's one of the most basic things, rather like the 3 Rs, but even more so, even more important.
In fact, I'd go so far as to suggest that declining ability in this basic skill is a source of lack of self-worth and confidence. Being unable to make friends because we can't get past Hello, doesn't help kids out of their shells. It seems to me that we care more often about our kids ability to read Shakespeare or balance chemical equations than their ability to make conversation. But I feel damned sure I know which one is more likely to give them lifelong assistance.
Maybe it is inherited to a large degree, either by nature or nurture or both. I don't mean to get down on any parents with socially awkward kids. But I do stand by the point that it is teachable. Some will learn it faster than others.
It's a bit like being able to drive a car. You can do without it. In some settings it would be entirely superfluous. Some people do have troubles learning it, too, it's an unfamiliar and scary thing. But that does not really make being unable to drive a virtue in itself. And it can be learned in a remarkably short time from a competent teacher, and it can open up a whole new world once learned.
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Up Front: Casual, Shallow and Meaningless, in reply to JacksonP,
Heh...a bit obvious, though. Voice recognition might be sneakier...the phone could buzz you when it gets the name.
However. If you've gone to the trouble to enter their name and picture and voice into a database, it's highly likely you'll remember them anyway.
Small talk is in some respects a learned skill, for some of us. However, I'm not sure that it's a skill worth acquiring....
Personally, I found being socially awkward quite distressing as a young teen. It limited my ability to form relationships, particularly with the opposite sex. It's a skill I will most certainly endeavour to teach my children. It is extremely teachable, way less work than, say, a foreign language, which many people study for years and years only to get to a pathetic level of proficiency. It's more like learning a jargon.
The hard part is not the small talk, it is overcoming the fear and pride. That's why the book is called Pride and Prejudice. I know this and I've never even read it.
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I'm not much good with names and faces. Not because of any mental difficulty - if required I could memorize the names of a hundred random strangers in about 10 minutes. But I don't, mostly because I don't care, and it's not required to, and I'm at a party to have fun, not to do hard mental work. To have such details at the tip of your tongue after a casual meeting could be flattering, but it could also be a bit creepy, something you'd need an excuse for. There's quite a lot of tricks for learning names and faces, again, if you care to.
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Hard News: Thinking Digital, in reply to Rich of Observationz,
One time pads are ironically one of the oldest forms of encryption, and also the only kind that could never, ever be cracked. So long as you one-time the pad, of course.
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Up Front: Casual, Shallow and Meaningless, in reply to Rich Lock,
But there’s no easy escape from hairdressers and cabbies - they hold you hostage until their conversational demands are met.
Hairdressers do, for sure. You don't want to offend in case they fuck your hair up. Fortunately you can choose which one you use. Cabbies, not so much. But likewise, it is always possible to ditch a cab mid-ride, and they know it. So it's quite feasible to insist on silence when you're tired.
I tend to actually enjoy seeing what useful information I can get out of cabbies if they won't shut up. There's so many directions you can take a conversation that aren't their boring hobby horse.
I know when you're tired it's hard work. White lies are soooo tempting. Taking a phone call from your Mum is an old favorite. Everyone knows Mums carry on even worse than cabbies.
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Up Front: Casual, Shallow and Meaningless, in reply to kmont,
when what I really want is for SOMEONE ELSE TO TALK.
Simplest tactic in that situation: Ask a question. It's one of the best tools in the small-talker's arsenal.
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Up Front: Casual, Shallow and Meaningless, in reply to Stewart,
Most blokes find any discussion of almost anything to do with (their own or one another's) emotion too uncomfortable.
Yes, men don't expose their privates so easily. Some of that is possibly because they're far more easy to tear clean off than a woman's.
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Small talk is learnable. The only real question is: Can you be bothered? If it causes you discomfort and embarrassment to be unable to small talk, it's actually pretty damned simple. So that first question is important. If you don't want to learn it, then you surely won't.
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Hard News: Thinking Digital, in reply to Ian Dalziel,
Who knows we may be the computer by then!
In which case being win95 would be like serving hard time?
Wizard needs food badly!
Such a brilliant idea. Also the first time that I seriously thought computer games could be evil.
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