Posts by David Haywood
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Interestingly, if you did the same trick for North America, Christchurch would map onto Toronto in Canada. Not quite so nice as Nice in terms of climate.
So yes, woe betide the Europeans if anything ever happened to the Gulf Stream.
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Every Italian I've ever met (bar one), has pointed out to me that New Zealand looks like an upside-down map of Italy -- if you squint hard enough. It's a fascinating topic of conversation, and I've encountered some people who can talk about it for hours.
The exception to this rule was the famous Giovanni Tiso. He never mentioned this at all during our conversation -- which led, of course, to my radical hypothesis that he's really from Stokes Valley (his slight accent being a result of mixing with the sophisticates at the Stokes Valley Cosmopolitan Club*).
In other news, I'm now viewing this website via Google Chrome. Instead of it taking approx. 30 seconds to load each page, it now takes less than two seconds. Oh, I love you, Google Chrome.
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* This is actually a genuine (and well-advertised) club in Stokes Valley.
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I vote for "Look at that man's trousers!" as the title of your next book.
Your wish may come true. I've started the next book (200 words already finished -- nearly there) and I totally can't think of a title. 'Look at that man's trousers!' is way better than anything I've come up with so far.
I'm still waiting for the eureka moment to strike me as to why New Zealand's Reserve Bank has named its governor after a traffic cone.
You are not alone. A North American Public Address reader congratulated me on my choice of name for the book's central character.
Her: That name is a stroke of genius. It just perfectly fits the character. How did you manage to come up with it?
Me: That's actually the governor's real name, dude.
Her: Oh.
And is it for this same reason that people in the Land of the Broken Boot get around by riding German singers and/or Native American tribes?
'Ute' is NZ dialect from a contraction of 'Utility Vehicle'. It's a comparatively logical derivation compared to some of our dialect, e.g. "So I was luxing the Ventians and then afterwards I got really munted and ended up pashing a bogan. It was choice. Not."
Possibly this statement really belongs on Emma's thread.
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Certainly not the apple cheeks of a ghost writer (their cheeks are usually rather hollow). Actually the subject of the photograph is rather keen on the book -- he finds the drawing of Too-Fat Smith (the well-known necrophiliac) rather amusing: "Look at that man's trousers!" I only hope that other critics will be similarly amused.
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Bloody hell, Robert -- that was quick! And very fine photos, too.
I think that this one is practically the best photograph of me ever. It certainly captures David Haywood in his native surroundings.
Thanks to everyone for turning up. And what a nice bunch you all are!
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Just arrived back in CHCH and staggered in the door of our house -- very nice to read the comments on this thread...
Islander: Oooh, looking forward to that CD!
Matthew Littlewood: very sorry that we won't be seeing you...
Other Christchurchers: but it will be excellent to see all of youse!
Dunedinites: a Dunedin book launch was mooted, but Emma demurred on the flimsy grounds of wanting to see her children and her bloke. The nerve of the woman! But I shall attempt to persuade her to do a boozy Dunedin PA visit with me sometime next year.
And now I must do some laundry...
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Hi David, what did you do with that painting I gave you, don't lie, you dropped it into the nearest burkes bin, didn't you.
Steven: that was you? Why in God's name didn't you introduce yourself? I was completely bewildered -- I thought you must work for Arty Bees and were totally taking the piss out of me.
Arty Bees still have the paintings -- following a conversation that must have made no sense at all to them. You must have thought I was *so* rude! Many apologies for that, dude. I feel like such an idiot.
Drop me a line here and send me your mailing address. I'll flick you a copy of the book ASAP -- it's the least I can do.
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And thanks to everyone for the excellent comments on this thread. Had four hours sleep last night and drove from Palmerston North to Auckland today with a toddler. So exhaustion has fully set in. I hope you'll understand if I don't reply until tomorrow.
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Thanks for the public announcement message, Fräulein Hart. I had a dream (nightmare) last night that no-one turned up to these book launches.
In fact, I can already see myself blogging on the unfolding disaster: "We felt like killing ourselves", etc.
Bart: please try to drag your mind out of your underpants! I know that our nation's CRIs are a hotbed of steamy sex, but I hope you can keep some perspective, and come to realize that not all of us are the over-sexed scientists that you encounter in your day job. And no, I wasn't suggesting anything by my usage of the word 'come' in that sentence.
And furthermore, I think (hope) that Emma would choose something a little larger than a pencil if she was making a double-entendre. Perhaps a nuclear submarine or a Saturn V rocket.
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Thanks for the offer of your services, Phil and Kris V -- we may yet call upon you!
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Whoops – stuff up. Could happen to any of us. All writers of historical fiction could get caught out.
I see what you're trying to say here, Tania. I imagine that it's possible to make a genuine mistake in your field.
One mistake -- or possibly two (if you're terribly unlucky). But do you think you could accidentally do it dozens of times in a novel?
And do you think that you could do it accidentally in one novel (the Matriarch) and then be careless enough to do it dozens of times again in another novel?
And don't you think it makes a difference if you're a university professor (as opposed to a regular non-taxpayer-paid writer)? A professor in an academic environment where, if one of your own Ph.D. students had done such a thing, they'd be kicked out on their arse? (Or they certainly would have at my university -- perhaps Auckland isn't bothered by such things).
I have compassion for Prof. Ihimaera's plight -- as I would if he'd been caught shoplifting or drunk driving -- but don't you think all of the above is relevant to the case?
And sad that people have been so horrible and unforgiving.
I hope you're not suggesting that Dr Gracewood is in this category. That would be an outrageously unfair assertion.