Posts by Jackie Clark
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Legal Beagle: Think it possible that you…, in reply to A O,
Rape is not a multi faceted affair. Take it from one who knows my own story, and the stories of countless other women (and men). It is really very simple. Whenever you heap scorn and implied blame on a person around their rape, what you are doing is adding to the feelings they already have, magnified by 1000. Feelings that are perpetuated continually, in every way, by our society. Girls, in particular, are warned from a very early age about behaviours that will prevent rape/harm, and behaviours that will lead to rape/harm. We all know at a very young age how to keep ourselves “safe”. Except that there is no keeping safe. All the long skirts, and abstemiousness in the world hasn’t led us to a place of safety. So when you question what a girl was wearing, or how much she had drunk, or why she was at that party? You are telling her, very explicitly, that it was her own actions that led to her misfortune. And you are lying to her. Girls are lied to over and over and over again. JT and Willy needed to be censured because if they had gotten away with what they did? That would have been tantamount to RadioLive saying “We agree with how you handled this young woman.” And every time that message is sent, every time we condone such words, such actions, what we are doing is making it harder and harder for people who have been raped to come forward, to tell their stories. We are silencing them, effectively, and often for life. Can you imagine living with that pain your entire life? I can’t for the life of me figure out how to explain to people why rape is not multifaceted. How plain and simple an assault it is on someone’s power, their very core of being, their belief in themselves. What an act of hate it is. Hate and disrespect. I used to believe that some girls asked for it, because I was one of those girls. I thought I had been very silly, and put myself in stupid situations. I had not. The person/people at fault are those who seek to do harm in the most destroying way they know. So I have no sympathy with the "free speech" argument, in any way, shape or form. Words damage, as much as deed. We have to seek to protect those who most need it, not further damage them.
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Legal Beagle: Think it possible that you…, in reply to Danielle,
I also thought that. (But it was 3am when I wrote that in high dudgeon).
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I have one thing to say. And it is this. The argument about free speech being highly gendered that several here have commented on.....Public Address is a wonderful forum for us all. A forum that values and encourages civilised and selfmoderated discussion. Even in this community, however, the gendered voice is strong. We've had this discussion, around the predominance of "bloke" threads, several times. Ironically, Graeme, this entire thread makes manifest that argument. Men, traditionally speaking, are heard more than women. Their voices are louder, their arguments more robust, their attitudes more gladiatorial. This community has had it's fair share of that for a number of reasons. I would posit that womens' voices - in threads like this (and I think it's fair to say that the entire discussion on soical media around rape culture has followed this trend) - have been muted. Graeme, women have been fighting for centuries to be heard. And sometimes, a sister just gets tired. When you have to fight every day for your views to be deemed valid and worthy of listening to, let alone factoring in the dynamics of speech - women are taught fairly early, in general, not to shout/agitate to get what they want - it is nigh on impossible to be able to shout loud enough sometimes. When you talk about people waiting their turn, that sounds so civilised. And yet. Free speech is available - pragmatically - only really to those who have the loudest voices, and that tends to be men. Do you know, in regards to Gio's fine efforts, that I sat here, at one point, and thought "Good. Let the men fight for us." I'm 49, and for all of those years, I have fought to have my voice heard. Fought against a society that still doesn't value the opinions of women - we see it every day. To hear our voices, in that case, sometimes, Graeme, you have to be quiet, so you can hear us. All the men who wade in on our behalf, who get outraged on our behalf, and all those who speak from a position of slightly distanced, and academic, interest....need to shut up. Just shut up. And listen. It may take a while - there are centuries of conditioning that we women have to wade through, always. But we get there. So no, Graham, there is no free speech when you're a woman. It always costs dearly. So please don't tell me/us that free speech always has a consequence. I fight it every day.
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My first concert was, I believe, not really a concert. Sweetwaters when I was about 18 or 19. So around 1982/3? The best concert I ever went to though was around the same time – Dire Straits at Western Springs (fooled you! you thought I was going to say Elton John. Ha!) I have always loved them, and no-one can tell me otherwise. We went in our flatmate's little Triumph, and he was a bit drinky I think driving us home, but sobered up when we came across a car in flames on Ponsonby Rd.
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Capture: The Dark Arts, in reply to Jolisa,
Oh is that what it was? We were wondering.......
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Up Front: Good Friends, in reply to TracyMac,
It's a very delicate negotiation, I believe. But one worth trying, all the same.
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The Ring Theory. Otherwise known as the Kvetching, or Comfort, Circle. I know it well. We used this when Carol got ill, and then when she died. I emailed everyone in our circle this article,. (There was a joke that I should assign which circle people were in as they came to the hospital. I did not.) It helped Carol's husband, and her other best friend, and I, very much. I had only thought of it in terms of illness though, Emma, but of course it would be applicable to any situation where your friend's in some distress. Thanks for that. As always.
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I can well and truly say that the Ellis case affected my career in a number of ways. We are now allowed to change a child's clothes unwitnessed, but still not supposed to toilet them unsupervised. Load of old bollocks. Most children have enough difficulty toileting with one person present, let alone two.
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Hard News: Friday Music: Weird Auckland, in reply to Robyn Gallagher,
thanks Robyn, more stuff for her mum's online scrapbook
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Capture: Dogs Love Cameras Too, in reply to Hebe,
Oh Hebe. So glad! Much love to you all.