Posts by Isabel Hitchings

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  • Hard News: Rape and unreason, in reply to Dylan Reeve,

    Consent is not like the golden rule. It's about genuinely listening to the other person without projecting one's own likes or dislikes. Do as you would be done by is a good place to start but a dangerous place to finish.

    Christchurch • Since Jul 2007 • 690 posts Report Reply

  • Hard News: Rape and unreason,

    When you say that women can prevent or invite rape by how they behave or what they wear or where they go, what you are really saying is that rape is a legitimate punishment for stepping off the proscribed path. The threat of rape is (almost) as much a tool of control as the act itself.

    We can do a lot to teach people about consent. We can teach preschoolers to ask before starting physical play, to watch the other kids' faces to make sure they feel ok. We can empower young people to talk about their desires and limits before their clothes come off. Most importantly, we can create a culture in which women are not prizes to be won and in which no one owes anyone sex no matter how fancy the date, or how many other people they've slept with, or what they did last night.

    Christchurch • Since Jul 2007 • 690 posts Report Reply

  • Speaker: You ain't from round here, in reply to Hebe,

    Land levels have changed, as have waterways (Dudley Creek in particular) . It's a big, complex system that's been disrupted at many points.

    Christchurch • Since Jul 2007 • 690 posts Report Reply

  • Speaker: You ain't from round here,

    Papanui-Shirley ward in Christchurch - 2/7 council and 2/16 community board candidates are from out of area. Not bad. Pity they're such an uninspiring bunch.

    We need good local representation so badly here. The extent of earthquake damage to our area has only become apparent to residents since the June floods. People around here are losing insurance cover, houses are probably unsaleable and any remediation is likely to involve the sort of major works that will take years. Being red-zoned is starting to look like a good idea. We need a council who will listen, act in the interests of the people and who can actually work with CERA and EQC.

    Christchurch • Since Jul 2007 • 690 posts Report Reply

  • Up Front: The Missing Stair Part Two:…,

    When I was at high school I had a group of friend which included some considerably older people. The oldest man, who I believe was a decade or so my senior, had some sexual involvement with several female members of the group. When one of our number accused him of rape everyone was profoundly uncomfortable and tried very hard to deny the possibility. I think we were invested in the illusion of our own safety and admitting to that in our midst meant facing up to the risk we were all at.

    I did not parse his attentions as rapey at the time but, in hindsight, I shudder over how he treated me and how very much worse it could have been.

    Christchurch • Since Jul 2007 • 690 posts Report Reply

  • Capture: Spring Breaks, in reply to Lilith __,

    Thank you. Those buds are so appealing it was hard to tear myself away.

    Christchurch • Since Jul 2007 • 690 posts Report Reply

  • Capture: Spring Breaks,

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    Possibly the same buds and blooms as Lilith’s. And some daffs as well.

    Christchurch • Since Jul 2007 • 690 posts Report Reply

  • Capture: Spring Breaks,

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    Like pretty much all of Christchurch I spent a bit of last weekend’s sun in the botanic gardens. I was particularly enamored of the magnolias – I love the over-the-top flowers against the bare branches and..oh..the fuzzy buds!

    Christchurch • Since Jul 2007 • 690 posts Report Reply

  • Southerly: Continuing After A Short Interruption, in reply to David Haywood,

    Ouchy! I find supportive shoes and inserts make a difference very quickly. Stretches and lunges that elongate the muscles and tendons in the calves are a big help too. Long-term, not carrying 14kg of toddler on my back made the biggest difference of all.

    Christchurch • Since Jul 2007 • 690 posts Report Reply

  • Up Front: The Missing Stair and the…, in reply to Lilith __,

    I’ve known Missing Stairs who aren’t bigots at all, just people with very low social IQ who blunder about annoying people, for instance by being unbearably patronising. They may be basically nice people, but they’re the ones you invite out of a sense of duty rather than pleasure.

    Some of the missing stairs I've know have been genuine not-very-nice-people but others have been generally decent people who have things going on which interfere with social interactions. I have known missing stairs with poor social IQ, pain causing conditions that make them short tempered, or difficulty hearing. What makes these people missing stairs is that, instead of finding coping strategies for themselves, they out-source the problem so the people around them have to make all the accommodations.

    Christchurch • Since Jul 2007 • 690 posts Report Reply

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