Posts by Joe Wylie

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  • Island Life: Bring Out Your Dad,

    Great story, or intro thereto, as was the one about the Woodville earthquake & the manuka clothesprop. Got any more?

    flat earth • Since Jan 2007 • 3793 posts Report Reply

  • Island Life: Bring Out Your Dad,

    We had a cold water tap and made cooking fires in cut down "kerosene tins." They rusted out in about six weeks then we would go back of the grocer;'s and take another one.

    Salvation Army, saved from sin
    Went up to heaven in a kerosine tin
    The tin caught alight from an electric wire
    Down came the Sallies with their pants on fire


    Dodgy items at the best of times, those tins. Just as well they're rusted away into the landfill of history, along with infantile paralysis.

    flat earth • Since Jan 2007 • 3793 posts Report Reply

  • Island Life: Bring Out Your Dad,

    O. Hoppy Nick didn't get his long leg lengthened, that was a mistake on my part. It was his shorter leg that was lengthened to match the longer one.

    A Surprise for Little Bobby

    It was little Bobby's birthmark today and he got a surprise. His very fist was lopped off, (The War) and he got a birthday hook!

    All his life Bobby had wanted his very own hook; and now on his 39th birthday his pwayers had been answered. The only trouble was they had send him a left hook and ebry dobby knows that it was Bobby's right fist that was missing as it were.

    What to do was not thee only problem: Anyway he jopped off his lest hand and it fitted like a glove. Maybe next year he will get a right hook, who knows?

    John Lennon, In His Own Write

    flat earth • Since Jan 2007 • 3793 posts Report Reply

  • Hard News: Chaos in Kingsland,

    Stash it in the Beaglehole.

    Marvellous name, but.

    flat earth • Since Jan 2007 • 3793 posts Report Reply

  • Island Life: The resignation of Captain Worth,

    One thing everyone seems to agree on - sexual harassment is worse than chickenshit political pointscoring.

    flat earth • Since Jan 2007 • 3793 posts Report Reply

  • Field Theory: 25 Things you need to be a…,

    Good man skill: Asking for "trade discount" at man shops.

    If you wore a tool belt - you know, the standard carpenter's codpiece - you'd be given the discount without having to flap your yap like a girl.

    flat earth • Since Jan 2007 • 3793 posts Report Reply

  • Island Life: The resignation of Captain Worth,

    Did anybody else get the impression he used the word "sexegenarian" with some relish?

    Definitely. I guess that's the big downside of being Mr. Angry for all seasons - life's real pleasures are reduced to savouring the occasional gloat.

    flat earth • Since Jan 2007 • 3793 posts Report Reply

  • Field Theory: 25 Things you need to be a…,

    Thanks for the Jarvis Cocker, Rick.
    Put me in mind of his splendidly cutting A Little Soul , the song about finally meeting his real-life dad:

    I look like a big man
    But I've only got a little soul
    I only got a little soul

    Yeah, I wish I could be an example
    Wish I could say I stood up for you and
    Fought for what was right but I never did

    I just wore my trench coat and stayed out every night
    You think I'm joking?
    Try me, yeah, try me


    George Bernard Shaw pretty much nailed the basic biology of fatherhood though, when he noted that the most any reasonable child could expect of their father was that he be present at the moment of conception.

    flat earth • Since Jan 2007 • 3793 posts Report Reply

  • Not Guilty,

    Folks, the days of strain and struggle are over...
    - we have a vowel movement!

    Whew! - just when we was about to pop a collective o-ring.

    flat earth • Since Jan 2007 • 3793 posts Report Reply

  • Not Guilty,

    Captain Oats's love child? Still flogging breakfast mush.

    flat earth • Since Jan 2007 • 3793 posts Report Reply

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