Posts by Lilith __
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#NoDAPL
One of 2016's very few victory cries.
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Fuckface von Clownstick
Fascism
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Looks like a fab occasion!
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Capture: By Night, in reply to Jonathan Ganley,
how the light painting was done
With a lot of time, patience, and the Pixelstick !
Oh wow, I see!!
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Capture: By Night, in reply to Jonathan Ganley,
Hyperfocus – a new hi res night-time-lapse video by Elton McAleer –
That's so beautiful! And I can't begin to imagine how the light painting was done.
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Up Front: Wonder Bi, in reply to James Butler,
“ all bis must die ”
Jack Harkness is the ultimate inversion of this trope.
Can we please have a gratuitous Jack Harkness moment?
Another lovable feature of Torchwood was all the staff were bi, and it was so normal that it was never discussed.
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What a terrific idea. And kudos to Nicola.
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Up Front: I Never Been ta Borstal, in reply to mark taslov,
the Dunedin Longitudinal Study has failed to distinguish between lack-of-impulse-control violence and violence in the context of abusive relationships.
Thank you in particular for this Lilith, it pinpoints for me why I felt the statement was left wanting.
Cheers Mark.
While violence is never OK, it always has a context, and understanding the context is key to violence-prevention and help for survivors.
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My feminist friends are unwilling to enter this fray because it's gone from Steven's brave post about being a male survivor of male violence and abuse...to feminist-bashing.
So here are some things to think about.
Firstly, Intimate Partner Violence always exists in a context.
Some of this violence results from poor impulse-control, and may be perpetrated by men or women, or both at once. Injuries are usually not serious.
The other kind is what Women's Refuges exist for. The perpetrator (almost always a male) builds a relationship of total control over his intimate partner, based on threats, intimidation, and violence. This is the kind of IPV that puts women in fear of their lives, and fear for their children. The perpetrator will have isolated his partner from her friends and family, and he probably has control of the family finances. Women are afraid to leave because that is the time the perpetrator is most likely to seriously hurt or kill her. And she knows that if she leaves she will have little money, possibly no income, nowhere to live and she will have to leave her belongings, and her children's belongings, behind.
It is for this need that Women's Refuges exist.When a woman murders her male partner, it is often because of ongoing IPV from him. The recognition of provocation as a defence recognised Battered Women's Syndrome as a mitigating factor.
Women worked for decades to get Women's Refuges open, and still work tirelessly to keep them running and support the women who need their help.
If men want to help other male survivors of violence and sexual abuse, perpetrated by men or women, I hope that they will work in that cause as so many women have worked in ours. And without needing to attack feminism or women's needs while they do so.
Western Feminism has given women the legal status of people, alongside men. In many parts of the world, and in most of our own history, women have had only the status of property belonging to men, to be beaten, raped and otherwise mistreated on his whim. Marital rape has only been a crime since 1986. Married women who divorce have only had the right to half the matrimonial property since 1976. That right was extended to de-facto couples of 3 years or more in 2002. These are profound and relatively recent shifts in the zeitgeist. I hope you will understand why women still feel deeply anxious about our own safety and place in the world.
Two final things: If a new social study presents a result very different to other studies, the question is whether it is a breakthrough to new knowledge, or whether its design and methodology is flawed. People I respect suggest that the Dunedin Longitudinal Study has failed to distinguish between lack-of-impulse-control violence and violence in the context of abusive relationships.
Finally: Of course IPV can also occur in LGBT relationships. I don't know how much research has been done into how best to support survivors. I'd be glad to hear of initiatives in this area if anyone knows.
I doubt I'll be posting in this thread again. Thanks to my friends (you know who you are) for their wise words and apologies for probably having mangled them here.
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When I was at Uni I had to take exhaustive notes and then go over them many times to visually remember how they looked on the page in order to recall them. The spoken word flows over me, leaving very little behind! That's amazing you have such great auditory recall.
Do you remember the tone/voice of the speaker as well as the content?