Posts by Steve Barnes
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Grant Dexter has a Bebo Page, how cool is that?
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Paul. I must say that I thoroughly enjoyed your rendition of "Ol' Man River" in James Whale's 1936 film version of Show Boat and your amazing football prowess displayed in your time with the Milwaukee Badgers. I will never forget the times we had at the School of Oriental and African Studies at the University of London, where we.......oh hang on that makes us both about 110 years old. Maybe I'm thinking of two other people.
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I once had the misfortune to be walking home one night, after a few beers, when I was approached by a group of likely looking lads. Their demeanor was less than convivial and the, apparent, leader asked me for a cigarette in terms that indicated that I should have no say in the matter. I whipped out my tin of rollies and offered them saying "sure Mate, How's your Mum, haven't seen her for ages. Your little brother still at school?" He looked at me in a quizzical fashion as he explained that he couldn't roll a cigarette and could I do it for him and his Mum was fine thanks and his little brother was, indeed, still at school. We exchanged a few pleasantries, I rolled him a ciggie and we parted ways. The thing is, as you may have guessed, I didn't know him from a bar of soap before that night. I used to see him and his mates around quite a bit after that and he always smiled and said hello.
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Why, thank you Sam.
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Russell. Are you only here to disagree with everything I say?
__Yes Grunt. Russ is just here to disagree with you, it is his whole reason for being born, he is the work of Satan. Delivered unto us to feed us doubt, to doubt your infinite wisdom, to keep us down below the level of your divine intellect. Thank you Grunt for saving us from the Evil that is Public Address. I thank you from the heart of my bottom.
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Malcolm McDowell was magnificent in his portrayal as Pip in "A Clockwork Orange" My Wife was, and still is on Tuesdays, a great fan of dickins but unfortunately due to the pressure of work we are left with little time to indulge as much as we would like.
McDowell's later work after emigrating to Canadia belies the subtlety of his performance as Cornelius in The Planet of The Apes although his expertise in Heavy Construction and Mining Equipment leaves none but the most bewildered to occasion the thought that a career change of this magnitude could, without a doubt, have led to a less than successful outcome. -
And of course I don't have to remind you of Alan Sokal
That was just toooooooooooo good. -
"Author unknown" is an anagram of Dave Barry.
Yes it is! -
Is that a frozen Nazi?
On a stick?
You HAD to Godwin it didn't you? ;-)
Here's an old thing that may have paved the way for Godwin himsels.
How to Win Arguments
I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me. You too can win arguments. Simply follow these rules:
Drink Liquor.
Suppose you're at a party and some hotshot intellectual is expounding on the economy of Peru, a subject you know nothing about. If you're drinking some health-fanatic drink like grapefruit juice, you'll hang back, afraid to display your ignorance, while the hotshot enthralls your date. But if you drink several large martinis, you'll discover you have STRONG VIEWS about the Peruvian economy. You'll be a WEALTH of information. You'll argue forcefully, offering searing insights and possibly upsetting furniture. People will be impressed. Some may leave the room.
Make things up.
Suppose, in the Peruvian economy argument, you are trying to prove Peruvians are underpaid, a position you base solely on the fact that YOU are underpaid, and you're damned if you're going to let a bunch of Peruvians be better off. DON'T say: "I think Peruvians are underpaid." Say: "The average Peruvians salary in 1981 dollars adjusted for the revised tax base is $1,452.81 per annum, which is $836.07 before the mean gross poverty level."
NOTE: Always make up exact figures.
If an opponent asks you where you got your information, make THAT up, too. Say: "This information comes from Dr. Hovel T. Moon's study for the Buford Commission published May 9, 1982. Didn't you read it?" Say this in the same tone of voice you would use to say "You left your soiled underwear in my bath house."
Use meaningless but weightily-sounding words and phrases.
Memorize this list:
Let me put it this way
In terms of
Vis-a-vis
Per se
As it were
Qua
So to speakYou should also memorize some Latin abbreviations such as "Q.E.D.," "e.g.," and "i.e." These are all short for "I speak Latin, and you do not."
Here's how to use these words and phrases. Suppose you want to say: "Peruvians would like to order appetizers more often, but they don't have enough money."
You never win arguments talking like that. But you WILL win if you say: "Let me put it this way. In terms of appetizers vis-a-vis Peruvians qua Peruvians, they would like to order them more often, so to speak, but they do not have enough money per se, as it were. Q.E.D."
Only a fool would challenge that statement.
Use snappy and irrelevant comebacks.
You need an arsenal of all-purpose irrelevant phrases to fire back at your opponents when they make valid points. The best are:
You're begging the question.
You're being defensive.
Don't compare apples and oranges.
What are your parameters?This last one is especially valuable. Nobody, other than mathematicians, has the vaguest idea what "parameters" means.
Here's how to use your comebacks:
You say: "As Abraham Lincoln said in 1873..."
Your opponent says: "Lincoln died in 1865."
You say: "You're begging the question."OR
You say: "Liberians, like most Asians..."
Your opponents says: "Liberia is in Africa."
You say: "You're being defensive."
Compare your opponent to Adolf Hitler.
This is your heavy artillery, for when your opponent is obviously right and you are spectacularly wrong. Bring Hitler up subtly. Say: "That sounds suspiciously like something Adolf Hitler might say" or "You certainly do remind me of Adolf Hitler."So that's it: you now know how to out-argue anybody.
NOTE: Do not try to pull any of this on people who generally carry weapons.
[Author unknown]
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What's good about PAS:
- There are fairly few wingnuts.
- Almost all of the comments are thoughtful and literate
- The volume is enough to retain interest while not overwhelming.To which I'd add:
- diversity of writers/topics
- consistently high quality of writing
- toleranceTo which I'd add:
- a far higher class of idiot
- rational responses to rabidly repulsive rednecks
- and heaps of other stuff