Cracker by Damian Christie

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Cracker: Flashback

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  • Rob Stowell,

    Merc, I can find people if needs must. But I'm not in it for the money. I just want a targa convertible and a Belgian girlfriend.

    Whakaraupo • Since Nov 2006 • 2120 posts Report

  • Riddley Walker,

    yes yes hired hired. actually Rob it was my project all along.
    m is really my PA, he just likes to pretend and i humour him because well, he has this german thing - so don't sign ANYTHING with him... i'll send one of my people over in the next half hour.

    AKL • Since Feb 2007 • 890 posts Report

  • Riddley Walker,

    good idea Rob. i'm in it for the art too.
    will have 911 and girlfriend there within the hour. antwerpers ok?

    AKL • Since Feb 2007 • 890 posts Report

  • Riddley Walker,

    Rob?
    Rob....?
    he's there already isn't he.

    AKL • Since Feb 2007 • 890 posts Report

  • Rob Stowell,

    Wise Industry heads like yourselves will know this project needs an obfuscator. I will obfuscate for the above terms, providing l'amie Belgique is not Flemmish, and lightly dipped in quality chocolate.
    But enough haggling: money is so tedious and I'm self-abnegating so I'll handle all the cash.
    What about the CONCEPT!
    P1: We are not all cyclists? Mining this treadmill existance for germs of meaning? we pick up a scrap, hoard it to our hairy bosoms, march on, hearts lit-up with ghastly hope. And as the light fades, we let it fall, spying another scrap in another gutter? We seize it but it is mouldy. And when we look, we see it is but the scrap of last year or the year before, years are not what they used to be-
    P2: Where the f00k is that goddard?
    P1: and as we crumble into age we start a dim aprehension that all our days were thus, wandering in great cycles-
    P2: Stop it's too much-
    he throws himself in the path of a passing cycle and is flung aside like a rag on the wind. we hear the approach of a train as he staggers back to his feet.
    P2: Must......go.....on......this.....is the .... the ....thre.... thre..... thre.... thre.... thread- thread that will not die! Must .... not.....
    P1: for we are the undead of the undead thread, and we march to the song of the great Spokesperson. Cue sfx expensive holiday in Utopia.

    Whakaraupo • Since Nov 2006 • 2120 posts Report

  • Rob Stowell,

    Riddley I will draw up papers with you both, but sort it out. I think the correct grammar is A twerp, but antwerp will do for the americans. And the papers- they must be drawn up in the blood of a haemophiliac to be appropriately blinding.

    Whakaraupo • Since Nov 2006 • 2120 posts Report

  • Riddley Walker,

    excellleeent. dear, dear robert.
    now don't open the door if it's m, just pretend you're like asleep or on the toilet or something. your offer to handle the money is very kind, but i fear they might take advantage of your self-abnegating self, so i'll look after all that boring stuff.
    you just concentrate on the writing.

    AKL • Since Feb 2007 • 890 posts Report

  • Rob Stowell,

    erratta: line xx3 above should read P1 "Are we all not cyclists? blah blah..." He is not confused but in the grip of monologia.

    Whakaraupo • Since Nov 2006 • 2120 posts Report

  • Riddley Walker,

    consider them bled, signed, and congealed.

    AKL • Since Feb 2007 • 890 posts Report

  • Riddley Walker,

    hmm, i read it as "Are we not all cyclists?"
    tis of no matter.
    don't mention the money contracty stuff to m, he hates that kind of thing.

    AKL • Since Feb 2007 • 890 posts Report

  • Riddley Walker,

    being from a haemophiliac, the congealing is taking a while...

    AKL • Since Feb 2007 • 890 posts Report

  • Rob Stowell,

    R: i'm really deeply deeply touched by yr caring offer to handle the boring stuff. If not so in thrall to your genius I'd let you attend to that tediousity.
    Writing is not the role of the Obfuscator. Wiise Industry Heads like yrself and merc and hamishm will know t he obfuscator on a BIG project like this mostly does flattery and pampering.
    Keeping things merc-y. Also hiding the obvious origins of the brilliantly original ideas.
    SFX- pounding of rifle-butts on door.
    Merc! Kamerade! Velcom, schmellcom, telecom, mein lieber lieber schnee berliener! Have a chocolate mushroom!

    Whakaraupo • Since Nov 2006 • 2120 posts Report

  • Rob Stowell,

    (Aside) Riddley? Is merc- truely- happily- sans shaden freuden lichtenstienen on da bike with this?
    Merc! You can put down the explosives. My people can suck up to your people, they're doing it already!
    (aside) riddley! old chappy!Hover yr good finger over the "th*atr*" button!

    Whakaraupo • Since Nov 2006 • 2120 posts Report

  • Riddley Walker,

    ach du lieber merc, raus!
    rob, hang on a minute. don't touch those mushromms. that's not chocolate either. i've just been on the phone to the accountants and they want lots of RTDs and iPods in as many shots as poss for product placement because that's what all the kids are buying apparently. and they said there aren't enough women or 'stupid quirky guys like Kramer' in it, so we'll need to write some of those in.
    hang on a minute. what do you mean by "Writing is not the role"?
    of course we need flattery and pampering (but no fluffing for me thanks, can't speak for m), but the more obfuscated the plot the better, shirley?
    and i know you said no flemmish, but take a look at this comely bunny, surely you'd be very happy, yes?

    AKL • Since Feb 2007 • 890 posts Report

  • Riddley Walker,

    ja ja, mit shaden freuden lichtenstienen. merc ist schoen mit de schoenberg und lieden mit de hosen. oom pa oom pa.
    aber nicht mit de boomen boomen merc!

    AKL • Since Feb 2007 • 890 posts Report

  • Rob Stowell,

    Ok the bunny can be in too we need a love intrest-but can we swing it with m- he is averse to big ears?
    And flattery and pampering is mostly- and I don't like to use dirty words among gentlemen- but it's mostly for the- film critics.
    oooh. I feel filthy.

    Whakaraupo • Since Nov 2006 • 2120 posts Report

  • Kadife Blue,

    wow this is really really disturbing...I hope you all have small figurines for the days when broadband is down :P

    Since Mar 2007 • 16 posts Report

  • hamishm,

    Look, since this was originally my project I just wanted to say, ixnay on the rabbitay. They are hell to work with, and then they steal every scene they are in. Their ears are probably silicone implants.

    Psssst Rob, get a good lawyer when you work with these two.

    Kadife Blue we are figurines, why would we want more:)

    Since Nov 2006 • 357 posts Report

  • Rob Stowell,

    H, I was assuming you were the laywer.
    So the rabbit ears get the chop. Do we need "actors" at all? Figurines sound good don't mind waiting around and will work for little more than shelf space. Kadife can draw that one up.
    K- this is an attempt at the guiness book of recognition for the longest thread ever. It is hard work and not for the faint of heart. Nor the "balanced" or merely "sane."
    Offer the figurines a percentage of m's cut after demystification.

    Whakaraupo • Since Nov 2006 • 2120 posts Report

  • merc,

    Well, well, well, what do we have here...THIS IS MY BUNNY and you have now pissed off a really bad ass daemon.

    Since Dec 2006 • 2471 posts Report

  • merc,

    Blast, you'll have to go here.

    Since Dec 2006 • 2471 posts Report

  • Kadife Blue,

    Not Frank! Hasn't that rabbit done enough damage for one teenage angst/smart angst movie?

    Since Mar 2007 • 16 posts Report

  • merc,

    Not nearly enough, especially for you Mr Kadife Blue who knows about The Figurines.
    As for you R. I'm still thinking about what to do with you and your ahem, loyalties.
    Rob; you're fired.

    Since Dec 2006 • 2471 posts Report

  • merc,

    Oh and Hamish, mi amici, we need to talk, I'm coming over.

    Since Dec 2006 • 2471 posts Report

  • hamishm,

    merc, my real friend, the coffee is on. I can tape the conversation?

    Since Nov 2006 • 357 posts Report

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