Island Life by David Slack

12

Cruel and kind of, like, random.

When the media says "jump", I ask how high?

When the media tells me this is the day for Random Acts of Kindness®, I say: Yes. And how might I put a pretty ribbon on it?

The pretty ribbon I have chosen is this: I will not settle for the casual, easy option of warm fleeting hugs with strangers and the feeding of parking meters. I am going to put myself out. I am going to be hard on some people I do not know.

It may be a truism that you must be cruel to be kind, but that does not mean that it is not true.

I have already penned a sensitive letter to Mr Cameron Slater explaining some of the fundamental tenets of Freudian psychology. It is written in small words. Using a steady hand, it draws an Identikit picture of the sexual gargoyle that appears to be responsible for the cry for help that is his ‘blog’.

I am going to send Mr Gerry Brownlee a calculator and a packet of AA Energiser batteries.

I have mashed up twenty YouTube minutes of the oratory of B Obama and J Key and will be emailing copies to Mr Kevin Taylor and Ms Nicola Willis.

I have compiled a mix tape of tolerable pop music which I will be sending to the managers of Ms Delta Goodrem and Ms Avril Lavigne.

I will be sending a CD of whale songs and some aromatic candles to Sir Brian Lochore, endorsed with the message, "love, Colin".

It is always so hard to choose the right thing for Russell Crowe.

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