Cracker: Flashback
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If I may?
SFX knock at door.
Child: Who is that Papa.
Gestetner man: Never mind, hide in this potato sack.
Goes to door
sfx Hinges
Outside woman: The guinea pigs are restless.
Gest. man: So they should be, there are new potatoes about.
sfx.Lightning crash
Outside woman: What is page one this month?
Inside man: Shimano gears!!!
sfxLightning crash -
merc,
Hell yeah, I'm seriously obsessed with The Script now man...
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merc,
Perhaps...
Inside Man shouts: THERE ARE NO GEARS! -
Outside woman: I have an opera house in the jungle
Inside man: I have a Gestetner
Boy in sack: I have potato blight. -
Inside man: Them be beautiful potatoes... Flo, them be angel potatoes
Outside woman: he who controls the potatoes Bubby...
boy in sack: Pizza cat? -
ok, might have gone off the boil a bit there, a bit half-baked that mash up.
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IM: Come in Maria
Maria: Thankyou Jules, where's Timmy?
Timmy(Muffled):In the fecking sack
SFX: Knock at door
Jules: Who's there?
voice: My name is Vittorio De Sica. Have you seen my bicycle? -
Vittoria enters.
He is dishevelled and Maria looks knowingly at his purple-stained fingers -
in his hand is a bicycle puncture repair kit - a device long since banned in these parts.
Maria knows if Vittorio is found with this thing, there will be trouble for all in the village. -
With a cry, Vittorio thrusts the repair kit into the pasta Maria is making.
He is safe! -
merc,
Look, you introduced the female protagonist too soon, back to the original script, hurrumph, I could have been F Scott Fitz given half a break...
As the storm outside reaches it's nadir, the G cyclostyles on, there is a rap on the door.
P1: Hell, the Cyclist is here.
P2: Yeah, I guess it's over now.
P1: She'll be wanting that (points to G)
P2: We had a good run, how shall we play this?
P1: Who cares, what She wants She gets.
P2: It wasn't always that way.
P1: Fu*&^% your sentimentality, I'm leaving.
P2: What, you can't, this is the last time!
The door opens and a 6foot Wookie, whoops, and in steps Leda in bicycle courier clothing, wet and panting from the storm, she is over 6 feet tall and her helmet covers her face, a little walki-talki bleeps on and off, someone is trying to contact her.
Leda: Cook me some of those f&**(% potatoes. (The G stops whirring, all is silence). -
The Last Post
Thank you, Russell, and thank you to everyone else.
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I think so. I've had many upsetting moments in (gak!) 13 years of online discussions, but each one is just a discussion thread. There'll be another one tomorrow.
I am into my 12th year of being online. Started in the xtra chat rooms, all newbies together and then graduated to usenet. My heavens that could be toxic and sometimes you would get drawn into it..................I had a few upsetting moments.
Now when I feel irritated with someone and dash off a post in reply to something they have said, I read, re-read, then preview and then I walk away from the computer, have a cup of tea, pull some weeds in the garden and then I come back, and if I still feel okay about the post I send it.
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Leda: Cook me some of those f&**(% potatoes.
P1: Get your own F*#%ing potatoes
He throws a a potato at her, she ducks. The gestetner is damaged.
Timmy (muffled): Still in the sack,actually
Leda (scornfully): So this is how you repay me. Shut the F$%# up! (Snatches walki talki and throws it to the floor)
Operators voice: "Parcel for Sator square,anyone?" Leda stamps on it.
The Gestetner lurches into life.The rain eases. P1 and P2 look at each other nervously.
P1: There's something you should know, Leda -
merc,
But you can't damage the G and then have it lurch into life and P1 wouldn't talk like that to the Cyclist, Jebus, what the hell are you trying to do with my film and as for Timmy, this is noythe Famous Five and we don't need a homunculus in this film, a psychopomp yes, a Harlequin, I was just getting to that. And Leda is not a real courier.
Look I'm too upset to work right now, Charlotte D is on TV anyway, hmmmm. -
P1: There's something you should know, Leda
P1: It's about Deborah. She's disappeared.
Leda: But she can't disappear, we need her for the gestener.
P2: Control reckons it may have been the methylated spirits, but I have another theory...
Timmy (muffled): it smells like.. potatoes.. in here...
P1: Well where ever she's gone, the Shining Cyling Path is in jeopardy without her...
Leda: Perhaps we could make chips?
P1: What is it with you guys and forking potatoes?Suddenly the G lit up, and from it came a small, distant voice.
It was Deborah... -
merc,
Leda, monologue to camera:
How long? How can I keep this pretense, how can I hold in my heart what I know to be true. Is this the last time, is this the final cycle of the G. When Sigmund told me his dirty secret I felt trampled upon, and now I must finish the last act with these two goobahs. A strange pretty thing to come to pass in this savage little Southern town masquerading as a European mirror, curse the Fates. Blood may be shed this night but if the last act I do in this life is a meth soaked rag of freedom wrapping chips, I'll make sure Deborah gets the divine sign to return to the ring... -
I, happily, have no idea what anyone is talking about. It is true what they say. Sometimes, ignorance is, indeed, bliss.
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Leda steeled herself and looked up to face P1 and P2.
Leda: I think the voice you can hear is Deborah. Bubby said this might happen and now it has.
The taste of meth soaked chips now burnt in Timmy's nostrels, stirring memories his loved ones had tried so hard to erase. with each breath he began to struggle more violently, until a claw partly emerged from the sack.
Leda: Hold him in, he can't come out. Not yet...
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i have a theory nobody has any idea what anybody says, we're all in a smiling dance of feigned understanding
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merc,
Word R. tis true as I have heard from Hell...
No one can stop
the need
to say
I'm done. -
merc,
I'm so over this script, movie writers the first to get stabbed, in the eye.
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yep, it must be hard to do it week in, week out. they probably stab their own eyes out, Oedipus style.
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merc,
Ah Oedipus, without whom...
To me there are only 5 stories anyway.
1. Him
2. Her
3. Him amd Her apart
4. Death
5. The Devil
Try it out on any film, book, or sitcom... -
Puts on pedant's hat Gestetner ink is black, thick gooey stuff. The purple spirit based ink is Banda duplicator ink.
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