Hard News by Russell Brown

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Hard News: Self-satisfactorily Yours

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  • Gareth Ward,

    But heck, I'm not working for a company with an enforced multi-million-dollar cull in the works. Good luck.

    No dear, you're working for a rag that is so deep in the shit (actual shit, not misheard-chip) that when it was up for sale there was a deafening silence from the market. I would say Good Luck but I really hope your wish-it-was-a-tabloid sinks from memory...

    Auckland, NZ • Since Mar 2007 • 1727 posts Report Reply

  • Michael Stevens,

    Glucina gives air-heads a bad name. Dumb, Dumber, Dumberest.

    But I have to say the part of Go Girls I watched I thought was pretty lame - I will give it another go, but if it hasn't improved, I won't bother.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 230 posts Report Reply

  • philipmatthews,

    Hang on. Is Go Girls meant to be a comedy?

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2007 • 656 posts Report Reply

  • andin,

    because the show I saw crackled along nicely.

    Yes pacing is one aspect of a good show usually thanks to a good editor.
    But Go Girls rarely rose above the level of French farce. I just support it cause it keeps people I know in work. And maybe someday on NZ television there will be non neutered drama.

    But I guess that unsightly bulge called Middle New Zealand is always going to get in the way.

    And OF isnt that great even with push up bras, drug references, and sales of the ?format to some ?asian networks.
    Maybe Diplomatic Immunity will be such a beast.

    raglan • Since Mar 2007 • 1882 posts Report Reply

  • Julian Melville,

    I liked Go Girls a lot, thought it ripped along, they used the Shore backdrop very well and I hope it develops nicely. I've frequently wondered whether TV reviewers actually watch the shows they're reviewing or just fast forward through a few minutes, as they frequently seem to miss the point completely.

    Auckland • Since Dec 2006 • 199 posts Report Reply

  • Lucy Stewart,

    Thank you for explaining the chip paper thing, because I read that article this morning and was *highly* confused by that particular quote.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 2105 posts Report Reply

  • Tom Semmens,

    Glucina is an idiot, and so is anyone who actually reads her inaccurate drivel.

    As for the Herald - I doubt that anyone who counts is embarassed. After all, using your muscle and once august reputation to indulge in a nasty tabloid bullying (AKA "campaigning journalism") seems to be their stock in trade these days. Doesn't matter if it's the EFA or Andy Shaw, if it sells copy & pleases their key advertising market the Herald can be guaranteed to throw objectivity out the door. If you think I am being a bit harsh, how else can you explain the Herald acting as head cheerleader for Auckland's increasingly desperate property developing class? Did anyone else scratch their head then guffaw at the sheer audacity of the Herald's "now is a great time to buy a house" headline the other day?

    Sevilla, Espana • Since Nov 2006 • 2213 posts Report Reply

  • Craig Ranapia,

    But I have to say the part of Go Girls I watched I thought was pretty lame - I will give it another go, but if it hasn't improved, I won't bother.

    I couldn't agree more, but to be honest there's a fine tradition of women columnists who write with a wasp-sting quill dipped in acid. Jane Bowron is not one of them, and I'm reliably informed she's had much nastier things said right up in her grill and survived. I rather doubt she needed Ratshit Glaucoma to defend her honour, such as it is.

    North Shore, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 12370 posts Report Reply

  • Craig Ranapia,

    As for the Herald - I doubt that anyone who counts is embarassed. After all, using your muscle and once august reputation to indulge in a nasty tabloid bullying (AKA "campaigning journalism") seems to be their stock in trade these days. Doesn't matter if it's the EFA or Andy Shaw, if it sells copy & pleases their key advertising market the Herald can be guaranteed to throw objectivity out the door.

    Starter for Ten: One of these things is not like the others. Guess what?

    North Shore, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 12370 posts Report Reply

  • Ngaruna Kapinga,

    It struck me as having the potential to be an Outrageous Fortune for the North Shore

    Agreed - it actually wasn't too bad a watch. Lets just hope it keeps momentum.

    Wellington • Since May 2008 • 26 posts Report Reply

  • Rich of Observationz,

    Comics throwing a paddy when someone suggests their stuff is as funny as cold sick - old, but entertaining when there's nothing else to write about without going outside. See also Mike King vs Mikey Havoc.

    I guess it's the collateral the Herald needs to make us read a National Party pamphlet. I doubt they'll go bust - I reckon they're one of those iconic NZ businesses that John Key intends to rescue.

    Back in Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 5550 posts Report Reply

  • dc_red,

    I doubt they'll go bust - I reckon they're one of those iconic NZ businesses that John Key intends to rescue.

    I thought they were an iconic Irish business?

    Oil Patch, Alberta • Since Nov 2006 • 706 posts Report Reply

  • Kyle Matthews,

    Wait, we're exploring the serious issues of a silly paper story on a silly column about something of no importance that someone said about... blah blah?

    Is it Friday already? Where's my Hard News?

    I'm currently sick of this story (Police accused of hypocrisy), which seems to neglect to note that it's actually about a police officer exercising his legal rights, like any other human being.

    Right or wrong, that's not hypocrisy, that's actually "one law for everyone", which I'm sure these same journalist have banged on about in relation to the police before.

    Since Nov 2006 • 6243 posts Report Reply

  • Russell Brown,

    Wait, we're exploring the serious issues of a silly paper story on a silly column about something of no importance that someone said about... blah blah?

    Is it Friday already? Where's my Hard News?

    Suppose so.

    It started as a way into some TV links, but it was the Herald that decided it was a front-page news story.

    I just found it a bit bizarre that Shaw was in fact only "under fire" or getting a "bad review" -- the alleged basis of the story -- from the Herald on Sunday's not-exactly-revered gossip columnist.

    It's just another chance for the Herald to have a pop at TVNZ. And as Craig noted, it's a bit rich for that paper to be revelling in TVNZ's cost-cutting given APN's problems.

    Also:I felt like defending Go Girls.To declare that it is somehow of the order of Melody Rules is kind of cheap and silly.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 22756 posts Report Reply

  • Paul Litterick,

    Call me suspicious if you like, but isn't this nothing more than an attempt to boost the Gluck's readership (if that is the correct term for the consumption of her copy)?

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 1000 posts Report Reply

  • Paul Litterick,

    Darn, I have now gone and implied that Russell was trying to boost Glucina's readership among Hard News readers. I meant the Herald. Everyone knows that Hard News readers prefer Bridget.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 1000 posts Report Reply

  • Steve Barnes,

    And James has a good tske on this at Editing the Herald

    TV reviewer rages (not news-rage, but still rage) at rubbish TV programme.
    TV executive rages at rubbish reviewing of rubbish TV programme.
    Herald reporter rages at rubbish criticism of rubbish reviewing of rubbish TV programme.
    News-rage journalist rages at rubbish reporting of rubbish criticism of rubbish reviewing of rubbish TV programme.

    Fnahh fnahh

    Peria • Since Dec 2006 • 5521 posts Report Reply

  • Lyndon Hood,

    To declare that it is somehow of the order of Melody Rules is kind of cheap and silly.

    I vaguely knew an improvisor type who I believe was involved in the making of Melody Rules.

    As I recall it I saw him making a rather glum cellphone call after a show - maybe he'd been MCing a high school show I was in? - talking to someone about how he'd felt obliged to play along with the widespread mockery of Melody Rule that had spontaneously arisen.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1115 posts Report Reply

  • Russell Brown,

    And James has a good tske on this at Editing the Herald

    Heh.

    Actually, what I really like is his commentary on the David Garrett "just change the Bill of Rights, then" story:

    The Liberal Party': The ACT party have a proud history of standing up for what they believe in - the great legacy of the giants of classical liberalism: John Stuart Mill, Thomas Paine, John Locke, and so on. Like that time when Richard Prebble changed his mind about government funding for the arts because the people in Wellington Central, where he was running for parliament, like going to the opera. Anyway, you may not be familiar with Paine's great work The Rights of Man - after all, you're not an ACT MP - but David Garrett is, so he should be. "We've got too hung up on people's rights," says Garrett, a claim that would possibly raise a few eyebrows in ACT HQ if they were actually 'The Liberal Party' and not a sorry collection of failures who should go and get into business if they love it so freaking much and who need National voters to give them a pity electorate vote even to get them into parliament...

    Burn!

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 22756 posts Report Reply

  • Mark Harris,

    That's excellent!

    Waikanae • Since Jul 2008 • 1343 posts Report Reply

  • Sam F,

    Everyone knows that Hard News readers prefer Bridget.

    Way too many exclamation marks and partner in crime with Cam Slater! Clearly the superior choice amongst weekend gossipmongers.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 1609 posts Report Reply

  • Mark Harris,

    Just watching Media7 - I got such a shock seeing Ken Douglas. I thought he must be sick but he's obviously all there. Just older. Jeez, I must be too...

    Waikanae • Since Jul 2008 • 1343 posts Report Reply

  • Russell Brown,

    As I recall it I saw him making a rather glum cellphone call after a show - maybe he'd been MCing a high school show I was in? - talking to someone about how he'd felt obliged to play along with the widespread mockery of Melody Rule that had spontaneously arisen.

    It was Cringe Factor 5 from the beginning, because it was effectively the brainchild of a hired-in American sitcom-doctor, who allegedly brought with him the "formula" for successful sitcoms, which he passed on in workshops.

    Excerpted from Jeff Stone's tremendous "review" on IMDB (which is much funnier than the show was):

    As a Kiwi, I am shamed to admit that the worst sitcom in the history of the world hails from our clean green shores. I suppose that creating something this spine-shatteringly awful represents some kind of achievement, but you'd be hard-pressed to find anyone who'll admit to that.

    Back in 1993, NZ's third TV network was still a relative newcomer to the business and was keen to make its' mark in the ratings with its' own crop of original programming. 'Melody Rules' was something of a flagship show for TV3, and was accompanied by a considerable PR blitz prior to screening. The talent behind MR was, on the face of it, quite up to the task of making a half-hour sitcom, and locally produced comedy had always been received well despite its' faults. Thousands tuned in to watch the pilot...and when it was over, the sound of jaws dropping to the floor across the nation could be heard from space. Those thousands had witnessed something new: anti-comedy. Comedy utterly devoid of humour, pitched at the level of 4 year olds yet made for adults. The acting was terrible, too; someone should have realised that casting TV3 news anchor Belinda Todd, a woman who had (as far as anyone knew) never acted in any TV show before, as the show's lead was a bad mistake. But her dismally flat portrayal of single Mum Melody was basically the highlight amongst a cavalcade of amateurish and downright repulsive characterisations from the rest of the cast. These laughless grotesques were crammed into one tiny set for the entirety of the show's run. We occasionally saw the bedrooms of Melody and her family, but for 95% of the time they were crowded together in a lounge room set the size of a thimble that was so obviously fake it almost achieved Dadaist surrealism. And the comedy - oh dear Lord. TV3's laugh track machine had its' work cut out for it on this drossfest, as it gamely exploded with mirth at the hilarity-free banalities that tumbled from the lips of Melody and company. Most of the plots involved some stupid scheme to win a girl's love Melody's son had dreamed up, or the well-meaning silliness of Melody's chum (played by Alan Borough). The schemes were not humorous, the characters were not funny in themselves, and they *never left that damn lounge*. There was another character, a hideously filthy next door neighbour who had his own catchphrase. "Ya decent?!" he would bawl every week, entering the house Kramer-style with a load of fish or something equally vile-smelling. As signature phrases go, it makes 'Ohhhh Lucyyyyyyyyyy!' seem like a couplet by Ezra Pound.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 22756 posts Report Reply

  • James Liddell,

    Everyone knows that Hard News readers prefer Bridget.

    Last Sunday's meditation is particularly intellectually stimulating: nerds geeks drips twerps twats dorks: advice for ladies You certainly don't get such deep critical social analysis from Ms Glucina. :-)

    Wellington • Since Jul 2007 • 102 posts Report Reply

  • Russell Brown,

    Just watching Media7 - I got such a shock seeing Ken Douglas. I thought he must be sick but he's obviously all there. Just older. Jeez, I must be too...

    Yup, he's still all there and definitely Ken Douglas.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 22756 posts Report Reply

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