Random Play by Graham Reid

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Random Play: Modern Life is Rubbish

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  • Gareth Ward,

    <quote>Pretentious and/or pig-ignorant hacks who don't know what... "literally" means>
    My sister-in-law is doing her PhD in New York and had this discussion with some locals:
    Her: "And it's so funny how you all say "literally" when it's clearly not"
    Local: "I know, we literally do it all the time..."
    Her: ...

    Auckland, NZ • Since Mar 2007 • 1727 posts Report

  • Hadyn Green,

    Every news report about giant squid absolutely has to mention the 90cm pre-hensile penis thing.

    Prehensile?!

    Isn't it one of their arms that just happens to also have a sperm-shooter?

    That Giant Squid at Kelly Tarlton's

    Wait. What squid at Kelly Tarlton's? I just figured you meant the one at Te Papa

    What is the point of crossing live to a reporter standing in front of a building, telling us what might or might not be going on inside that building, when exactly the same information could have been conveyed from the studio?

    Oftentimes they are crossing "live" to a reporter in the newsroom.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 2090 posts Report

  • Sacha,

    Oftentimes they are crossing "live" to a reporter in the newsroom.

    Exactly. Like somehow the information is better if it is happening right now - but for some reason it needs to be anywhere other than the studio, even if it's just down the corridor. I'm only surprised they don't go the whole hog and use a handheld camera and lower grade visuals, for extra "authenticity".

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 19745 posts Report

  • Evan Yates,

    Wait. What squid at Kelly Tarlton's? I just figured you meant the one at Te Papa

    The one I saw was at KT's Underwater World in Auckland.

    Isn't it one of their arms that just happens to also have a sperm-shooter?

    Stop spoiling my perfectly good posts with your confounded scientific facts....

    Which leads me to another entry...
    People Who Spoil Perfectly Good Stories With Factual Information

    Hamiltron, Te Ika-a-Māui • Since Nov 2006 • 197 posts Report

  • Evan Yates,

    Her: "And it's so funny how you all say "literally" when it's clearly not"
    Local: "I know, we literally do it all the time..."
    Her: ...

    Perhaps Americans do understand irony after all!

    Hamiltron, Te Ika-a-Māui • Since Nov 2006 • 197 posts Report

  • Paul Litterick,

    People who think "disinterested" means the same as "uninterested" and that they are clever for using it. These people used to be called "wiseacres." a word that should be revived.

    I would stay longer, but I have to go to Media7. I also dislike people on threads who comment and run, as well as people who always are going somewhere important and must tell you about it.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 1000 posts Report

  • giovanni tiso,

    Perhaps Americans do understand irony after all!

    I'd add to the list people who make stupid generalisations about "Americans"

    Wellington • Since Jun 2007 • 7473 posts Report

  • Hadyn Green,

    I'm only surprised they don't go the whole hog and use a handheld camera and lower grade visuals, for extra "authenticity".

    TVNZ already do that with footage from overseas. It looks like they're with shooting a cellphone.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 2090 posts Report

  • JackElder,

    My favourite live cross was on the Daily Show, when they crossed over to Aasif Mandvi reporting live from Liberty City. You could never do that in a studio.

    Wellington • Since Mar 2008 • 709 posts Report

  • Richard Irvine,

    - 'Sunday' with its' one sided, editorialised-to-death beat-ups pedalled as 'journalism'. Doesn't help that the 'team' seems to be the smarmiest bunch I've ever seen

    - Journalists who just kind of make statements at interviewees instead of asking *actual questions*

    - Most TV sports news. Unless it's the day after a game when you get results and / or highlights, you can pretty much bet it'll be a waste of time. Footballers standing in the training grounds telling me its going to be a big game - *yawn*

    - Sitting through the news thinking 'Oh, I'll just catch the weather', and somehow finding something else to look at / listen to / think about for the five seconds that Auckland's forecast is shown. This may just be me

    Auckland • Since Dec 2006 • 242 posts Report

  • Craig Ranapia,

    People who think "disinterested" means the same as "uninterested" and that they are clever for using it.

    Almost as clever as when they think "refute" means the same as "deny".

    North Shore, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 12370 posts Report

  • giovanni tiso,

    Almost as clever as when they think "refute" means the same as "deny".

    Or "imply" the same as "infer".

    Shit, we're a boring bunch.

    Wellington • Since Jun 2007 • 7473 posts Report

  • Jake Pollock,

    For Mssrs Litterick and Tiso.

    Plus, I get unreasonably annoyed at people who use exclamation marks in their status updates on Facebook. Now there's an anxiety for the modern world.

    And I get annoyed at John Hodgman, who isn't as funny as he should be.

    Raumati South • Since Nov 2006 • 489 posts Report

  • Evan Yates,

    Sandwiches in Plastic Packs
    All the yummy fillings are jammed to the visible front part to make it look like the product is full of delicious goodness. Then when you open the pack, it's all just bread beyond the first couple of centimetres.

    Hamiltron, Te Ika-a-Māui • Since Nov 2006 • 197 posts Report

  • Hadyn Green,

    People who take up the entire footpath and then walk reeeeeallly slowly
    Yeah I did just go for a walk, how could you tell?

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 2090 posts Report

  • Ray Gilbert,

    People with the same name as me posting their psuedo political ramblings to the Letters to the Editor page of the Herald.

    Like this

    Ray Gilbert
    John Howard stepped in and acted to stop abuse in Aboriginal communities. Typically he was howled down by the PC brigade as a racist but he did what he saw was necessary. Helen Clark needs to do the same here but of course she and her PC hangers-on would rather see children maimed and killed. This country is spiralling down into third world status, not only in child abuse but in health care, education, transport, you name it. Clark must go - and the sooner the better

    Ahhh!

    Since Nov 2006 • 104 posts Report

  • giovanni tiso,

    People with the same name as me posting their psuedo political ramblings to the Letters to the Editor page of the Herald.

    The top google result under my name is a young right-winger bozo's Facebook page. I rule the rest of the top results, but that's even worse because that will just make it look even more like we're the same person. To the, ahem, throngs of people who google my name, you understand.

    Wellington • Since Jun 2007 • 7473 posts Report

  • Emma Hart,

    People with the same name as me posting their psuedo political ramblings to the Letters to the Editor page of the Herald.

    Like this

    My mother wrote a letter to the Timaru Herald to explain that she wasn't the Audrey Hart who kept writing letters to the Timaru Herald.

    I find it really pleasing that the top google result for my name is this chick.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4651 posts Report

  • giovanni tiso,

    I find it really pleasing that the top google result for my name is this chick.

    Nice! Spare a thought for my son, though: even though his name is spelt differently, my son's Google top result is always going to be this delightful fella. Unless Joseph finds a cure for cancer or something.

    (The chances don't look great at the moment, unless said cure happens to be hiding in the pages of a comic book).

    Wellington • Since Jun 2007 • 7473 posts Report

  • JackElder,

    As to the same name issues: suck it up. When I was a student, my namesake was the Minister of Police. He had an unlisted phone number. I didn't. I got a lot of annoyed/abusive phone calls as a consequence.

    But there was the highly amusing time that my student loan statement - via some stuff-up that I know nothing about other than the aftermath - was sent to him, instead of me. The bastard didn't pay it. It bounced around Parliament for a while and finally ended up with my dad (a civil servant) with "Do you know anything about this?" scrawled on the front. True story.

    Wellington • Since Mar 2008 • 709 posts Report

  • Craig Ranapia,

    Shit, we're a boring bunch.

    Perhaps, but I'm over being embarrassed about receiving a fairly decent education in spite of myself. And what's wrong with being boring? We can't all be Dante Nel mezzo del cammin di nostra vita / mi ritrovai per una selva oscura, / ché la diritta via era smarrita. That excitement I do not need.

    North Shore, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 12370 posts Report

  • Isabel Hitchings,

    food products (in cafes and restaurants) that are merely described as "vegetarian"

    There are an awful lot of foods that aren't meat. I can't tell if I'm going to like your lasagne or sandwich or pie if all you'll tell me is what isn't in it.

    Christchurch • Since Jul 2007 • 719 posts Report

  • 81stcolumn,

    In regards to.....

    Nawthshaw • Since Nov 2006 • 790 posts Report

  • Tom Beard,

    this chick

    From that Wikipedia article:

    It was here that she became a strip tease artiste, a performance that involved striking lewd poses for the viewers. This act she would later refine by removing the nudity and lewdness, and developing it into what would become her Attitudes.

    Striptease: ur doing it wrong.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1040 posts Report

  • Tom Beard,

    The top google result under my name is ...

    For some strange reason, I keep getting pages about Nicole Kidman or Katie Holmes.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1040 posts Report

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