Random Play by Graham Reid

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Random Play: Modern Life is Rubbish

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  • Emma Hart,

    **About 75% of all librarians**. Anal self-importance, puffery, and insanely insular over-analysis characterise way too many people in this profession. This is not brain surgery and you are not that important. Shut up.

    I just got ten minutes of obstructive bollocks from a librarian who wouldn't let me pick up a reserve on my daughter's card. What annoys me the most about this is that good librarians are fcuking wonderful. You just never know what you're going to get.

    And let me add, Slingshot. We've asked to be put on their 'do not call' list five times. I've even yelled at some poor bastard's supervisor. They will not stop calling us. Why do they think this would persuade us to use their service?

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4651 posts Report

  • Hadyn Green,

    Telephone marketing surveys

    So how do you poll 1,000s of people and with good response rates?

    I always try to do the phone surveys when they ring (rarely), because, as a researcher, I know how difficult it is to get responses. And if you don't answer the survey some other shmoe gets called.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 2090 posts Report

  • giovanni tiso,

    So how do you poll 1,000s of people and with good response rates?

    Here's a thought: how about you don't. Unless it's for some public policy higher purpose, but in eleven years in New Zealand I've yet to come across one of those (and I ALWAYS ask).

    Wellington • Since Jun 2007 • 7473 posts Report

  • Stephen Judd,

    Telephone marketing surveys that assume I give a shit what petrol station I go to.

    Amazing. I got asked that identical question at least 10 years ago, and the surveyor could not/would not believe that I had no preference but price and proximity. There was no way for her to record "no preference".

    I'm afraid that I am the opposite to Haydn. I generally avoid marketing surveys, or give misleading answers, on the grounds that marketing surveys are only there to facilitate my exploitation as a consumer, and I don't see why I should help people be more efficient at extracting money from me.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 3122 posts Report

  • Jake Pollock,

    Yeah, I worked for [redacted] survey company when I was an undergrad, and that survey was an ongoing one. That and a survey about bread that took about 45 minutes. I guess that's still going too.

    Raumati South • Since Nov 2006 • 489 posts Report

  • Sam F,

    I'm afraid that I am the opposite to Haydn. I generally avoid marketing surveys, or give misleading answers, on the grounds that marketing surveys are only there to facilitate my exploitation as a consumer, and I don't see why I should help people be more efficient at extracting money from me.

    I tend towards a more mercenary version of this - I tend to ignore surveys or give ill-considered responses if the survey doesn't give me some kind of recompense. If you're offering a freebie or a discount of some kind, I'd say you've more or less earnt the right to extract information of commercial value from my brain. Otherwise, no guarantee expressed or implied, buddy.

    The exception of course is the non-commercial survey for which it's obviously in the public good to give respectable answers, but as Giovanni says, they don't roll around too often.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 1611 posts Report

  • Joe Wylie,

    :

    I always try to do the phone surveys when they ring (rarely), because, as a researcher, I know how difficult it is to get responses. And if you don't answer the survey some other shmoe gets called.

    Which only goes towards proving that data collected by such surveys is inherently misleading - only those who don't have a life, i.e. have nothing better to do, take the trouble to answer them. Unless you're given to grabbing your ankles whenever a stranger phones there's only one sane response to these intrusions: "Excuse me, unlike your potential victim demographic I already have a life. It may not be the one I'd have chosen, but I'd rather get on with it."

    flat earth • Since Jan 2007 • 4593 posts Report

  • Sam F,

    Family Health Diary as the prime example of the modern snake oil sales pitch. Find a suitable ache, itch or disfunction and create a pill or potion to cure it. Never mind whether it works or not, slap on a high price and promote the hell out of it.

    Wait, how'd I miss this?

    The entire swarm of smarmy serialised advertorials masquerading as health/consumer information in the public good.
    From Family Health Diary to Zoot Review by way of Brand Power... you've all seen these before. Is any more explanation needed?

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 1611 posts Report

  • Kerry Weston,

    What about Destiny City?? Right when the regular world's looking a bit shaky on it, good ol' Bishop Brian decides his very own city of worshippers is just the ticket. Walls, guards, electronic surveillance, very expensive management/maintenance contracts?

    Manawatu • Since Jan 2008 • 494 posts Report

  • Jackie Clark,

    I always try to do the phone surveys when they ring (rarely), because, as a researcher, I know how difficult it is to get responses. And if you don't answer the survey some other shmoe gets called.

    Which only goes towards proving that data collected by such surveys is inherently misleading - only those who don't have a life, i.e. have nothing better to do, take the trouble to answer them.

    I have a life. It's a pretty nice life, all up. Fairly busy and full, but not too much so. And I answer every telephone survey because.........yes, telephone surveys was one of the many part time jobs I had at varsity, and I remember the unpleasant people, and how hard it was to get anyone to do the bloody things. So, I always always answer them. And the people doing them are always surprised. And I always end up having a satisfying conversation with the person doing them because they are so surprised at how nice I am that they reveal a weeny bit of themselves, and I find out a bit about them. They feel happy, I feel happy. Everybody happy. Good job.

    Mt Eden, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 3136 posts Report

  • Joe Wylie,

    As Sam F said, there are surveys where "it's obviously in the public good to give respectable answers", and I do recall a pleasant 25 or thereabouts minutes giving my $0.02 to a very nice woman on my use of public parks. She even asked what the occasional funny noise in the background was (my electric pencil sharpener). When she realised that I was working she was really appreciative that I'd taken the time.

    Unfortunately very few are like that. A lot of us work from home, and keep non-standard hours. In practice I usually ask how long a survey'll take. It's really annoying to be treated as if a minimum fifteen minutes of your time is no big deal, especially by someone who's earning an - admittedly paltry - income from the situation. Being stupidly rude always leaves a bad feeling afterwards, but the blunt presumption that you'll drop what you're doing to talk about, say, personal banking, is highly resistable. That's when I have to ask if they're doing this for a living. When I, as politely as poss, point out that I'm working too, they take the point.

    Very sweet of you to offer yourself a a role model Jackie, but I do wonder about always taking the time to answer these things. For example, if you happen to have guests at the time they must be very understanding.

    flat earth • Since Jan 2007 • 4593 posts Report

  • Sam F,

    More on the subject of unsolicited phonecalls and the public good... I was rung up a while ago by a man callling from Australia, who spent twenty minutes telling me the good news that I was eligible for some excellent travel vouchers for various overseas locations!

    I was suspicious from the start but played along, until eventually, of course, they asked me for personal information, at which point I abruptly changed my mind. I'm not giving out my cell number apropos of one phone call. Mr. Friendly promptly got very irate that I'd decided not to go for the deal after twenty minutes. Well, tough shit. You called me and chose to spend that time giving me buddy-buddy crap rather than the information I needed to make a decision, and last time I checked time on the phone didn't oblige me to make a purchase. The guy tried a couple more times to strongarm me back into the purchasing process, I refused, and with a fast "Thanks, have a nice day" he hung up.

    I later checked online, and discovered that in general the telemarketing travel voucher industry ranges from a highpoint of "dodgy and likely not very useful" right down to "totally worthless and fraudulent". The public good component? Well, not much I suppose, but at least that was twenty minutes Mr. Friendly didn't get to sign up another two or three suckers.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 1611 posts Report

  • Hadyn Green,

    Which only goes towards proving that data collected by such surveys is inherently misleading - only those who don't have a life

    None taken.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 2090 posts Report

  • Jackie Clark,

    Very sweet of you to offer yourself a a role model Jackie, but I do wonder about always taking the time to answer these things. For example, if you happen to have guests at the time they must be very understanding.

    Me a role model? No. And I never have guests. For a variety of reasons. I appreciate that others may have busy lives inside their homes, as well as out, and that phone calls can be an unwelcome intrusion. I like surveys, that's all, and I've done it many moons ago, so I always do them. Charity callers ? Always nice to charity callers, interrupt their stream at the beginning with a concise " I don't have any money but thankyou for calling". People selling products are the people that get the shortest shrift from this household.

    Mt Eden, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 3136 posts Report

  • Sam F,

    None taken.

    Just the kind of insincere phrase I've come to expect from your kind... :)

    Seriously, no particular personal animus to telemarketers here at least - I just don't see why I should spend my (increasingly precious) time answering questions of no interest to me. On the rare occasions when I have a chance to improve a product/service I'm actually interested in, I'll take the time, but surely it's a waste of both my time and the telemarketer's time to sleepwalk through questions about something I'm not going to purchase.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 1611 posts Report

  • Joe Wylie,

    None taken.

    Well of course not, I mean you need a hide like a rhino to be involved in the phonespam biz . . .

    Seriously, tho, if charity callers were doing it from the goodness of their hearts it'd be a minor crime to be rude to them. Unfortunately practically none of them are, and I have been pretty short with one. Calling on behalf of the Westpac (this in Oz) rescue helicopter - "don't worry, this isn't an emergency call."
    I'm sorry, but leading with a crap joke is an absolute killer for me. If only they'd point out to these people that there's a fine line between charm and smarm.

    flat earth • Since Jan 2007 • 4593 posts Report

  • Kyle Matthews,

    What about Destiny City??

    Did anyone else think "Jonestown"?

    Since Nov 2006 • 6243 posts Report

  • Sam F,

    Did anyone else think "Jonestown"?

    Last night's 3 News had a Cultwatch pundit talking "Waco". I think both associations are too extreme, but this is still scary shit.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 1611 posts Report

  • Jeremy Andrew,

    Did anyone else think "Jonestown"?

    Yes, that and Centrepoint.

    Hamiltron - City of the F… • Since Nov 2006 • 900 posts Report

  • Jeremy Andrew,

    Back to the bitchery..

    VTNZ - What is with them! They say

    Unlike many other testing stations and all garages, VTNZ doesn't carry out repairs - so our customers can be confident that we only fail vehicle when there is a safety issue. Our customers then take it to a repairer of their choice and tell them exactly what is required to be corrected to enable VTNZ to pass their vehicle and issue its warrant.

    But when I took my caravan in for a quick WOF before going on holiday, they failed it for a couple of minor, easily fixable things, that I can't argue with, PLUS allegedly huge amounts of deep-set rust in the chassis.
    So, no holiday, lug the caravan around to some of those repairers of my choice, who stood to make close to a grand on repairs, who all said "WTF are they on about? That's minor surface rust, not a safety issue, and not a fail." So they issued me a warrant (after I replaced the dodgy tyre and brake light). I'm not talking dodgy back-street workshops here, but very reputable name-brand dealer service centres.

    Hamiltron - City of the F… • Since Nov 2006 • 900 posts Report

  • Stephen Judd,

    Argh, right, well let me add that the thing about phone calls from commercially motivated people that really rips my knickers is exploitation of my sense of courtesy via a script

    I'm thinking here of conversations that go:

    Caller: Can I speak to Mr Judd please?
    Me: Yeeessss?
    Caller: How are you this evening?
    Me: Fine, thank you (__not that you give a rat's__)
    Caller: That's great.
    [ more chitchat to try and establish rapport ]
    ...

    Now look. If you are trying to sell me something, get to the point. Don't try to sucker me into a conversation where my goodwill can be leveraged into feeling that I owe you a sale. That is not what I extend my goodwill for.

    Recently a friend of mine explained that they had kept a copy of the famous counterscript by the phone and eventually got to use it. I wish I could remember how it turned out. I'm afraid I don't have the patience, and simply bark "Are you trying to sell me something?" quickly followed by "I never buy things sold by telephone. Goodbye!"

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 3122 posts Report

  • 3410,

    Stephen,
    You could try this.

    Auckland • Since Jan 2007 • 2618 posts Report

  • Craig Ranapia,

    <blockquote>Argh, right, well let me add that the thing about phone calls from commercially motivated people that really rips my knickers is exploitation of my sense of courtesy via a script</blockquote>

    Meh... This out: "I don't mean to be rude, but I was in the middle of having sexual intercourse. If I'm away for too long, he's going to finish himself off and go to sleep. Bye."

    North Shore, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 12370 posts Report

  • jon_knox,

    Meh... This out: "I don't mean to be rude, but I was in the middle of having sexual intercourse. If I'm away for too long, he's going to finish himself off and go to sleep. Bye."

    shit you're really don't want to take some of this stuff out of context....even if you do know what the context is, some of this stuff is probably graphic enough to jolt the context right out of you. (where's Sacha?...she seems to be good on overly graphic threads).

    Belgium • Since Nov 2006 • 464 posts Report

  • Craig Ranapia,

    Well, I try to take the middle ground when it comes to telemarketers: I don't like being abusive to people who, after, are just trying to make a living. Try to embarrass them into a career change after they've put my number on a DO NOT CALL list? Fair game.

    North Shore, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 12370 posts Report

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