Posts by Megan Wegan
Last ←Newer Page 1 2 3 4 5 Older→ First
-
Up Front: Respectably-Dressed Sensible…, in reply to giovanni tiso,
The thing is, so many things go into what we term “rape culture”. It isn’t just the physical act itself, the victim-blaming and slut-shaming. It’s the idea that women are, on some level, to some people, property. To be taken, to be shared, to be, as someone up thread mentioned, “saved”. Mostly from ourselves.
When we live in a world where people feel comfortable making rape jokes (and on a recent visit to my family, I had to literally bite my tongue to stop myself screaming at them that the jokes they were making were not OK), where women’s appearances are up for grabs, for discussion, where our actions are analysed and dissected – as often by us as women as by men – for meeting the “correct moral standard of women”. This all plays into rape culture – because it takes people’s license away.
An example. A couple of years ago, I had a very short-lived relationship with a man I meet on a train. By short, I mean, well, one day. He was nice, we had fun, it was great. I didn’t tell a number of my friends about it, because I knew they would think that I was a slut – I didn’t know anything about him other than his name, and I had no desire to. And the act of not telling people made me feel bad about myself. Because why shouldn’t I scream from the rooftops that I’d had fun for a day? Because I’d have to justify it….I was lonely, or needed affection, or whatever. Because God forbid I just Felt Like It.
This all plays into rape culture – because our bodies aren’t our own. They are, on some level, public. Last night, I talked to a friend, who I hope will come on to expand on what I am going to say next. Talking about some of the comments upthread, and over at The Lady Garden, he was saying that by minimising the impact of rape other than male on female, you actually make rape on women lesser too. Because it’s as if if that by raping a woman, you take her magical special female essence, that only girls have.
Which is all to say (Long comment is Long) I understand where Craig is coming from, if slightly harshly expressed.
-
Up Front: Respectably-Dressed Sensible…, in reply to Emma Hart,
Well, yeah, I've been there, in fact. But enthusiastic consent is easy to express, even before it's asked for.
(refrains from making comment about Emma's "enthusiasm".)
-
Up Front: Respectably-Dressed Sensible…, in reply to BenWilson,
Not convinced. Perhaps it should be, but I’ve been firmly assured by women that they found it really offputting when I asked, in a situation where the curious rules of romance dictated that the man should seize the initiative.
But, it doesn't have to be "I am about to do X to you, do you consent?" (Not that I'm sure, that's how you did it.) There's lots of ways to ask, and some of them are, quite frankly, freaking hot.
-
Up Front: Respectably-Dressed Sensible…, in reply to Moz,
Yeah, dude, that was massively unfair, and a complete misreading of what Deborah said. An apology might be in order.
I've been trying to find a post for a couple of weeks now about consent being sexy. Deborah, can you remember it? I think it was in a carnival, and I want to say it was Bluemilk?
-
Up Front: Respectably-Dressed Sensible…, in reply to Bart Janssen,
Where are the anti binge drinking ads that show the man waking up in jail having raped? Where are the anti bullying adds that show someone standing by watching while their mates rape someone?
Which was my argument all along with the infamous Lisa ad. (Sorry, yes, I brought it up.) Why focus on the victim, not the perpetrator? Why could the ad not have been a guy who drank too much and raped his partner? Where, seriously, are the don't rape ads?
When I was in Samoa a couple of months ago, the Victim Support group there had been running a campaign with posters that just said "Rape is wrong" (or something close to that, I forget the actually wording). At the time, I was sad that that needed to be said. Now, it strikes me that maybe it was incredibly effective.
-
Up Front: Respectably-Dressed Sensible…, in reply to 3410,
Back to the point in question, where does that leave someone who might want to say that it happened to them and wasn’t that big a deal? It’s a dilemma at least, you have to admit.
There's a very big difference, as Russell has just demonstrated, between owning your own experience and weighing its importance to you, and negating the experiences of others.
-
Up Front: Respectably-Dressed Sensible…, in reply to Russell Brown,
So where is my mail telling me what a Bad Feminist and a horrible person I am and how I’m making women feel terrible and making light of sexual violence?
I'm getting it.
-
Up Front: Respectably-Dressed Sensible…, in reply to Bart Janssen,
Should you be thinking about what to wear to slutwalk? Surely the point is you wear whatever takes your fancy on the day.
Nah, cos sluts plan their outfits carefully too.
Believe me, there are many plans afoot. Emma and I are going to look awesome.
-
Up Front: Respectably-Dressed Sensible…, in reply to Craig Ranapia,
Ah, darling. I am, as ever, very, very sorry. And sending hugs.
-
Up Front: Respectably-Dressed Sensible…, in reply to Che Tibby,
all the same, a fetish for a pearl necklace atop a rugby jersey? mixed message there.
Oh, I dunno...I still love rugby.