Posts by Rich Lock
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Up Front: Casual, Shallow and Meaningless, in reply to Marcus Turner,
When someone asks how you are, it’s not unreasonable to assume that they don’t really want to know, but they do want to somehow share being human with you. These codes are found all over the place. In some parts of China, a standard greeting is “Have you eaten?”; in some parts of Japan it’s “Are you making money?” An answer is expected, and there are standard-forms in which the answer is generally given.
But this small talk isn’t about the literal meaning of the words. And perplexing though it seems, it’s an important part of being human. Some people seem to be able to read non-verbal signals (intentionally given, or not) and find the right thing to say. Perhaps they’ve deliberately learned how to do this, or are somehow just gifted with perception and skill.
To those who have difficulty with small talk, I’d simply suggest trying to be polite. Small talk might be learnable, but the real skill is in the perception of how other people are. I’m not sure about the extent to which this perception can be learned.
There is an entire section in Kate Fox’s ‘Watching the English – The hidden rules of English behaviour’ on ‘The rules of weather-speak’. Talking about the weather in the UK is a nice safe topic for initial small-talk, as long as you stick to certain call-and-response rules. Going outside the half-dozen or so acceptable call-and-responses is a strict no-no. The intention is much the same as you have outlined.
Greeting small-talk does have the form of a ritual, possibly with the instinctual purpose of establishing non-hostile intentions, the fact the other isn’t a dangerous crazy, and so on. A bit like dogs sniffing each others arses. More than once recently, when asked ‘how are you?’ I’ve been tempted to rely: ‘et cum spirito tuo’.
I don’t really mind the initial ‘handshake’* greeting protocols (to repurpose a computer phrase back to it’s inital form), but it’s when the conversation after that just ends up stuck in the same old cliched ruts. I sometimes feel like grabbing people by the lapels and snarling ’for fucks sake, try saying something original for once in your life’ (hey, my subsequent arrest would at least give the other guests a talking point).
I can see the purpose, but I personally find it a waste of my life.
*trivia of the day – the handshake initially developed as a way of showing the other person your hand was empty and that you weren’t about to stab them with a concealed dagger. Interesting, eh?
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Up Front: Casual, Shallow and Meaningless, in reply to BenWilson,
Personally, I found being socially awkward quite distressing as a young teen. It limited my ability to form relationships, particularly with the opposite sex.
Just leave copy of these lying around where your kids can stumble across them. Bosh. Job done.
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Coulda been Yeats, though:
Surely the Second Coming is at hand.
Well, there is an election soon...
A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
Joyce? Franks? Key?
A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun
Ah, Paula Bennett
The darkness drops again but now I know
That twenty centuries of stony sleep
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Wellington to be born? -
Up Front: Casual, Shallow and Meaningless, in reply to BenWilson,
Small talk is learnable.
Yes, and like you mentioned in another thread, I’ve learned enough vague detail to be able to deflect awkwardness when, for example, sport comes up. Enough to be able to hold my own politely while planning a swift exit for a drink or pit stop.
But there’s no easy escape from hairdressers and cabbies - they hold you hostage until their conversational demands are met. When we returned from the UK last year, we got stuck with a cab driver on our trip back from the airport who would. Not. Shut. The fuck. Up. Had a conversational style that involved asking a lot of questions, and then telling you he knew a bloke who could come round and fix that for us. Just what I wanted after 24 hours on a plane with a 6-month old.
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Hard News: Winning the RWC: it's complicated, in reply to Russell Brown,
It looks a bit crappy, frankly.
Probably look a bit better once they get the wings and the engines bolted on. I can't wait to see it do some flight testing over the harbour!
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Up Front: Casual, Shallow and Meaningless, in reply to Russell Brown,
We have discussed this before
Yeah, but that was over a year ago. We've all forgotten about it. I'll just cut and paste my comments from pg 9 of that thread, and no-one will notice the recycling...
Want to talk about the weather? Maybe you should talk to someone else.
Want to talk about that local sports team? Talk to someone else.
That TV show you watched last night? Talk to someone else.
The lastest Hollywood celebrity shenannigans? Talk to someone else.
Your rant about Helen Clarke? Is ignorant and distasteful.
Your rant about the global warming conspiracy? Makes you look stupid.I simply have no interest in ‘playing the game’. Needless to say, cab rides and visits to the barber are usually a fairly agonising experience.
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Hard News: Thinking Digital, in reply to BenWilson,
It's one of those things we have to accept - every moment of our lives, we forget 99.9% of our sensory input stream. Does it really matter?
That philopsophy degree showing it's practical uses again...
the whole credits and lives thing is just gone
Wizard needs food badly!
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Hard News: Thinking Digital, in reply to Paul Campbell,
do you think people will remember the passwords 100 years from now?
Well, we'll all have quantum computing devices by then, so today's strongest password will be effortlessly cracked in microseconds.
So I am assured by this white-coated gentleman holding a copy of New Scientist.
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Hard News: Winning the RWC: it's complicated, in reply to merc,
Shame the Govt. doesn’t see a place for battery recycling.
Several ‘places’ for battery recycling listed on this MoE factsheet :)
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Hard News: Winning the RWC: it's complicated, in reply to Emma Hart,
Weeks and weeks ago - like, before the games actually started - I suggested in a tweet that perhaps people who were sick of hearing about rugby (which I completely sympathise with) not read or comment on rugby-specific columns or articles.
Which is more or less what I did. And having not watched any of the games up until the semis, I'm really enjoying this world cup thing.
Less is more, and all that.