One Of These Things Is Not Like The Other

6:30 Jul 7, 2014 32

[CONTENT NOTE: Contains references to rape, and discussion of depictions of sexual and physical abuse that may be distressing.]

It should have surprised nobody that reactions to the debut of Gaylene Preston's Christchurch quake drama Hope and Wire (Three, Thursdays, 8.30) were polarized to put it mildly -- including here on Public Address. But what really did surprise me, and shouldn't have for a moment, was this passage in Christchurch Press writer Vicki Anderson's strongly negative Hope and Wire like punch to the stomach:

Later I showed the first episode of Hope and Wire to a colleague for his reaction.

"It's like they are raping the city," he said. "And what shocking acting. I'm off home now, I'll wade through old-school stereotypes and several skirmishes with skinheads to get there."

I'll save everyone a lot of time and say this up front. I'm writing this in suburban Auckland. And inevitably, I'm watching Hope and Wire at a distance - in every conceivable sense - it would it be downright arseholy to expect Anderson, her colleages at The Press who lost a co-worker in their now demolished headquarters, or anyone else in Christchurch to share. But I really wasn't overly impressed and Tweeted accordingly:

The problem with 1st night of #HopeAndWire is that it's a docudrama that isn't much of a documentary, and only fitfully works as drama.
— Craig Ranapia (@MusePABlog) July 3, 2014

The point where I turned off was when Stereotypical Racist Skinhead punched Equally Stereotypical Goth Girlfriend in the stomach. And judging from the promos for next week, she's not the first woman he's going to assault.

And that's probably going to be the point where I turn off for good, for one very simple reason. I don't know about the Christchurch quakes and their seemingly endless aftermath. I can't answer the question whether Hope and Wire is "too soon", "too much", "not enough" or a half-boiled curate's egg. (Philip Matthews long and thoughtful review is all the more impressive for not even trying to.)

But I know exactly what being raped is like. Over twenty five years ago, while at boarding school, I was anally raped with an object by a pack of thugs who thought it would be cool to humiliate the faggot. I wiped the blood off my arse, hid (and later burned) my stained pants and kept my damn mouth shut for two decades. Because I knew I wouldn’t be believed. Because I knew the verbal and physical bullying would just get worse; and that there would be people absolutely convinced that if I wasn’t a mentally unstable and malicious liar that I must have done something to deserve it. Like actually being gay — and we all know what those people are like, right?

It still affects my life, every relationship and action. And Anderson's "colleague" can take it from me that it's abso-fraking-loutely nothing like any of the many television shows I've found infinitely less palatable than Hope and Wire.

But the fine editors at The Press and Stuff website who published Anderson's column shouldn't take my word for it. Ask anyone at Christchurch's only rape crisis center -- but they can't because it closed the same day the review was published and the media was far too busy sniggering over David Cunliffe's manpology... without troubling themselves with the rest of a speech that rather admirably spoke some much needed truth to Kiwi rape culture.

If Anderson wants to continue as a television critic, perhaps she'd like to start exploring why rape is so pervasive on popular and/or critically acclaimed shows. Like Scandal and House of Cards for two. Downton Abbey and Breaking Bad for two more. Mad Men and every damn season of American Horror Story. Even Game of Thrones (whose pilot kicked off with a violent wedding night rape and steadily went downhill from there) finally hit it's very special low -- though (Gods be praised!) plenty of men were on hand to explain how it wasn't really rape. If you couldn't afford to subscribe to Soho, Prime is currently playing season three and next week has the charming episode where three different female characters are subjected to graphic threats of rape and murder in consecutive scenes.

That would be a more useful exercise than comparing one of the highest profile women in New Zealand's film industry to a rapist.

And it might be a good start to an honest self-examination of Because that's how rape culture works, and I'm over it. It's dying a little bit more when television shows women constantly subjected to relentless threats of sexual and physical violence. It's feeling a surge of impotent rage when the Willie Jacksons, John Tamiheres and Bob Joneses of the media are more interested in slut-shaming victims rather than holding rapists to account for their crimes. And it's when people who should know better -- like everyone at a major metropolitan newspaper -- trivialise human suffering by using "rape" as a rhetorical flourish.

A few paragraphs on, Anderson writes: "I also felt fiercely protective of how my city and my fellow residents had been portrayed. After all, we're in this together, right?" I don't presume to speak for all abuse survivors, in Christchurch or anywhere else. But yet again, I don't feel the media is anywhere near us. And that has to stop.

[Comments on this post ~~won't be open~~ are open, but I'm mostly off-line until Wednesday afternoon. Everyone please be mindful that Public Address is a safe space for everyone - including women and abuse victims.]

32 responses to this post

Robert Harvey, 10:59 Jul 7, 2014

Thank you Craig. And though it's not about my personal experience, it is about that of so many who have been and still get abused, those who aren't able to 'toughen up and get over it', but who carry the hidden scars for so very long. People I know who find themselves reflexively pulling back from potential intimacy, even of merely friendship, because that's the lesson they have learnt -- it's not safe to connect. I am not putting this well, but I strongly support your point of view and thank you for it.

Westmere • Since Nov 2006 • 66 posts Report
Rob Stowell, 11:09 Jul 7, 2014

Thanks Craig.

Whakaraupo • Since Nov 2006 • 2120 posts Report
TracyMac, 17:38 Jul 7, 2014

And it is still often the case today that men's assault services are run as off-shoots of women's refuge services, at least intentionally (don't know what the current state of affairs is in NZ) and are are even less-resourced than the refuges themselves.
I think some context as to why men have been poorly-served that sense might be of interest. Women fought long and hard to set up the original refuges - they didn't get any handouts to do so. Their focus was getting women and kids out of unsafe situations and into homes where the abusers couldn't follow them. But unfortunately, yes, that focus on getting away from the (mostly male) abusers meant of course that male victims were not welcome in the "safe space".
I don't think anyone who works in the sector would deny the fact that men are victimised and women can be abusers. But their remit was originally and still primarily is for women and children's safety. If the Refuge movement were specifically to extend their focus on providing DV victim support to everyone, I would very happily support this and contribute to their coffers as I do now.
But I also think that blaming Refuge for not catering for male victims (and I heard it more than once) is a bit unfair. It came out of a grassroots feminist effort to take care of each other, mostly by women who'd been abused themselves. There has been nothing to stop motivated men from doing the same themselves (like fundraising for prostate cancer getting same awareness as breast cancer). I've actually been surprised that the queer community hasn't stepped up there, although of course that doesn't help straight men.
But again, I think it'd be useful to have some overarching support organisation. With govt kicking in more than they do now.

Canberra, West Island • Since Nov 2006 • 701 posts Report
Jane, 21:00 Jul 7, 2014

I followed your comments on the Hope and Wire review post, where you made a discussion about the dramatisation of a natural disaster, and the effect on thousands of people, about your particular response to the word rape.
“It’s like they are raping the city,” he said. “And what shocking acting. I’m off home now, I’ll wade through old-school stereotypes and several skirmishes with skinheads to get there.”
The word "rape" means:
The act of taking something by force; esp. the seizure of property by violent means; robbery, plundering.
Often it is used to refer to sexual force but that is not the only meaning. Rape was a property crime, and women were property.
And, after four years of having Gerry as an overlord, it does feel like Christchurch has had things taken by force, it does feel like property has been seized by violent means, it does feel like robbery, and it does feel like plundering.
It is a valid word to use, and for some here it is a valid description of what has happened here.

Since May 2009 • 4 posts Report
Craig Ranapia, 22:00 Jul 7, 2014

Jane:
I'm flattered, but also somewhat bemused, you think my superpower is bending any discussion among the habitually bloody-minded Public Address community to my will. But that's not the case, no matter how often I'd like it to be so.
Beyond that, I've precisely zero interest in playing dueling dictionaries, but I'll leave this from the online OED I've got open in the next door tab.
Originally and chiefly: the act or crime, committed by a man, of forcing a woman to have sexual intercourse with him against her will, esp. by means of threats or violence. In later use more generally: the act of forced, non-consenting, or illegal sexual intercourse with another person; sexual violation or assault.
I'm not terribly impressed with Anderson, The Press or Stuff right now. But I will do them the basic courtesy of assuming they're literate and have some feeling for common usage.

North Shore, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 12370 posts Report
Lilith __, 22:23 Jul 7, 2014

Great column Craig, thank you.
I think if people mean "plunder, steal, appropriate, disrespect", etc, etc, they should use those words. English is so rich in alternatives.

Dunedin • Since Jul 2010 • 3895 posts Report
Morgan Nichol, 22:42 Jul 7, 2014

Craig, we don't always agree on TV shows, or on what constitutes fair game in them, but this is a really fantastic piece of writing, sharp thinking, clear, and to the point. Thank you.
I do also think there is at least some element of truth to what Jane says. But you're right, lets keep the dictionaries on their shelves.

Auckland CBD • Since Nov 2006 • 314 posts Report
Hebe, 23:19 Jul 7, 2014

FYI: I had a private response from an MP who is looking into the SSVT shutdown. Apparently there is much more to the closure than simply funding. There are other avenues of help, I am assured.

Christchurch • Since May 2011 • 2899 posts Report
Russell Brown, in reply to , 07:49 Jul 8, 2014

Steven, I've removed the unnecessary and offensive last line of your comment. I recognise your real stake in a discussion like this, but that wasn't taking us anywhere good.
Tracy was talking about how and why Refuge developed as a safe space for women suffering violence from men. I think that rather than try and change that identity, we should ask why there aren't those spaces for the men who need them.

Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 22850 posts Report
Craig Ranapia, 09:19 Jul 8, 2014

Steven:
I'm with Russell on this, but truly thanks for engaging and I do respect where you're coming from because hell... been there. But this is also one of those times where, you know, everyone's right. Womens Refuge isn't the problem here. This is one area where one size really doesn't fit all -- and there are people out there who are just as focused on meeting the very specific needs of male survivors of abuse. And just like WR, they really do deserve a hell of lot more support (and not just from government) than they get.
Fighting a pervasive and so often invisible culture of abuse shouldn't be a zero sum game, even though it so often seems that way.

North Shore, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 12370 posts Report
Ian Dalziel, in reply to Craig Ranapia, 09:55 Jul 8, 2014

Fighting a pervasive and so often invisible culture of abuse shouldn’t be a zero sum game, even though it so often seems that way.
Indeed…
Why just the other day I received this charming epistle:
[DELETED. Sort this out in some other way than posting personal emails in a public discussion forum, Ian - RB]
Your semantic preferences are noted for future reference.
Good of you to deny me a right of reply, too…
Please note: this is the first time I have intentionally visited the ‘Muse’ blog – and it will be the last – as that is how the adults behave around here, it seems.

Christchurch • Since Dec 2006 • 7953 posts Report
Craig Ranapia, 10:08 Jul 8, 2014

Ian:
If you have any problems with my conduct anywhere on Public Address, please direct them to Russell.

North Shore, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 12370 posts Report
Craig Ranapia, 10:29 Jul 8, 2014

This would also be a great time to assure folks who've e-mailed me about aspects of this post, especially those who've shared their own experience of abuse, that they will not be published here - or quoted - without your SPECIFIC AND EXPLICIT consent.
Kind of shit that even needs saying, but there you go and here we are.

North Shore, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 12370 posts Report
Moz, in reply to TracyMac, 10:38 Jul 8, 2014

There has been nothing to stop motivated men from doing the same themselves
I trust you're aware of the fight to get domestic violence and marital rape recognised as issues, then crimes? And the reactions ranging from mirth to things that were not funny? I invite you to think about how those reactions would be affected when it's men who are the so-called "victims" of things that obviously can't possibly happen to men, or if they do it's because the "man" can't follow the "be a man" script?
I've actually been surprised that the queer community hasn't stepped up there, although of course that doesn't help straight men.
They have. But it takes a large city or a very peculiar set of circumstances, not least because often it's men helping men who've suffered at the hands of men. And those services are usually the first to get cut, for the same reason they're hard to establish.
Many women's refuges were slow to recognise the problem of female abusers and it's still a serious problem, as it's not easy to balance treating women who approach the shelter as potential abusers with offering them the help they obviously (seem to) need.
One further complication is that often the organisations providing men's refuges are explicitly religious and often deeply homophobic. Not to mention also practitioners or facilitators of abuse themselves. I think there's a good argument that some or all of that funding should go to groups who are explicitly accepting of their clients. Ideally before they become homeless.

Sydney, West Island • Since Nov 2006 • 1233 posts Report
Moz, in reply to Russell Brown, 10:58 Jul 8, 2014

Tracy was talking about how and why Refuge developed as a safe space for women suffering violence from men.
I suspect Tracey was mistaken. Womens Refuge in NZ was started as a place for people fleeing violence. Their about page says
1973 Women's Refuge established The first Women’s Refuge was set up in Christchurch after a group of women came together with a common interest in providing a safe haven for victims of violence.
They only very reluctantly accepted that they needed to be explicit that they only support women and children (officially in 1985), and for a long time fought any claim along those lines vigorously. What Women's Refuge do is very necessary and they do excellent work in trying conditions, but what they do is not enough. Even just for the heterosexual ciswomen in fear of male violence that are their primary focus.

Sydney, West Island • Since Nov 2006 • 1233 posts Report
Russell Brown, 11:00 Jul 8, 2014

Jane, I'm sorry but I've deleted your entire comment. There seemed no purpose to it but to attack Craig in a way that reached way into the realm of personal correspondence. This is not the place to sort this out.

Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 22850 posts Report
Moz, 11:12 Jul 8, 2014

I'm not willing to talk about my experiences in detail but suffice to say that I support steven crawford wholeheartedly.
"refuge" has been a source of significant pain to many victims of violence as refuge struggled to come to terms with their own prejudices and preconceptions. The Christchurch group had a fairly mixed reputation in the Chch queer community even in the 1990s due to their difficulty dealing with women who were victims of violence from women, and their savage policies with respect to boys. You really, really, did not want to expose an adolescent boy to women's refuge in those days. I like to think it's better now, but I can't bring myself to find out.
The epitomy of my experience was being told by refuge that the only support I could get was enrollment in a group for male offenders. I am still horrified that anyone would suggest that to someone they knew had been abused by men.
That strongly colours my feelings towards women's refuge, and I accept that that makes me not the right person to decide what should be done about them. But I'd also like a little bit less dismissal of male victims from the chorus. Suggesting that men should just start their own group rather than fighting the revictimisation and abuse they get from advocates for women is missing the point. Those things are wrong, and should stop. Especially they should stop coming from people who claim to advocate for victims.
FWIW I do give money to groups helping men and boys, but I'm very much not suited to getting involved on the ground with those groups. I suggest that for many male victims of male violence, help from men is best not delivered in person. Much as we do for female victims of male violence.

Sydney, West Island • Since Nov 2006 • 1233 posts Report
Hebe, 11:30 Jul 8, 2014

For my part, I am appalled that this thread is conflating the biggest natural disaster in New Zealand, with the most ongoing effect on many people in the country’s second-biggest city with the awfulness of rape and domestic violence.
It’s a badly judged, no boundaries combination of subjects that is distressing to me and bringing down PAS.
I’m disappointed and upset by it. Sick to the stomach.

Christchurch • Since May 2011 • 2899 posts Report
Bart Janssen, in reply to Hebe, 11:52 Jul 8, 2014

I tend to agree with you Hebe.
I do think Craig has a strong point about the misuse of the word. But the context and direction that the thread has taken suggest that continuing the discussion can only do harm.
I would love to be wrong. But there are (at least) two very strong emotional pressures at play in this thread and they are not making for a productive discussion.

Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 4461 posts Report
Russell Brown, in reply to Hebe, 11:57 Jul 8, 2014

I think Craig’s motivation in writing was the belief that the two shouldn’t be conflated, but I also am feeling fairly distressed by the turn the discussion has taken. I’ll keep watch and will close the thread if it doesn’t improve.

Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 22850 posts Report
Hebe, in reply to Russell Brown, 12:01 Jul 8, 2014

A large part of the problem is Craig’s use of language, both here and in the past. It’s violent, bruising and abusive in itself.
And I’m speaking as someone not reticent in distributing profanities far and wide.
His motivation is fine: the execution is not. He is a sensitive person -- to himself not to others.

Christchurch • Since May 2011 • 2899 posts Report
Jane, in reply to Hebe, 12:09 Jul 8, 2014

I'll second that.

Since May 2009 • 4 posts Report
Craig Ranapia, 12:47 Jul 8, 2014

Russell:
I'd prefer you close it now, but I'm going to leave the call entirely in your hands so nobody comes back and says I'm trying to prevent or "disappear" criticism. I'm also thinking very seriously about deleting the entire post, but that's going to have to wait a while.

North Shore, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 12370 posts Report
Russell Brown, 12:49 Jul 8, 2014

Closed.

Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 22850 posts Report