Radiation by Fiona Rae

Pathetic. Absolutely pathetic. Welcome to the world’s worst television blog. A load of bloggery bollocks you might say. Actually, I’ve only just now managed to crawl out from under the sheer, crushing weight of the new season TV shows. Life, Grey’s, Pushing Daisies, Bionic Woman, House, Lost, Dirty Sexy Money. Not to mention the fab new shows that friends in England are sending over: Torchwood, Primeval, Ashes to Ashes. I am so earning these bags right now.

At least one of these shows won’t be around much longer: Bionic Woman has leapt off her last tall building, but Joss Whedon is cooking up a new supergirl in his lab that will look a lot like Eliza Dushku. Here’s the pre-strike E! channel story and interview; plus, there’s already a website. In other frakking fantastic news, Battlestar Galactica is back on air April 4. Advance publicity includes this frakking fantastic Last Supper. Six is Jesus!

Folks, I’ve interviewed Zach Levi from Chuck, which should start here in June. He was in the country visiting his best friend who’s working on Avatar in Wellington and was happy to do publicity. He was open, charming and clearly loving his life. But is he Mac or PC? Well, Mac for computers, PC for video games. The interview, in one form or other, should turn up in the Listener nearer the time.

Speaking of brands, Salon’s Jeff Yang thinks that if Obama was a brand he would be (what else?) Mac and Nike. Hillary? Microsoft and Martha Stewart Living. Of course.

Have you caught up with the whole Sarah Silverman-fucking-Matt Damon thing yet? Here’s Jimmy Kimmel’s response, but, y’know, is it laughing at gays? Enquiring minds need to know! Entertainment Weekly has an interesting story, offline unfortunately, postulating that reality TV shows have played a big part in gay acceptance in the US because there’s a whole generation of kids who grew up seeing real gay people on shows like The Real World, The Amazing Race and, lately, Project Runway. The latest is Make Me a Supermodel in which a gay guy called Ronnie is enamored with his straight, married roommate, Ben, and Ben doesn’t mind at all. The story points out that in a recent poll, the majority of college freshmen approve of gay marriage, and that it has not been an issue in the presidential primaries. Hurrah!

Letterman list:
Wednesday, March 5: Actress Kate Hudson, animal expert Jack Hanna
Thursday, March 6: Actor Colin Farrell, actress Blake Lively, musical guest Lenny Kravitz
Friday, March 7: Radio show host Howard Stern, musical guest Ayo
Monday, March 10: Actor Denzel Washington, comedian Don Rickles
Tuesday, March 11: Actor Tom Hanks, Republican Presidential candidate Mike Huckabee
Wednesday, March 12: Actor Jim Carrey; singer/reality show judge Paula Abdul
Thursday, March 13: Musical guest Snoop Dogg
Friday, March 14: Actress Charlize Theron, comedian Lewis Black, musical guests British Sea Power
Monday, March 17: Actress Kate Beckinsale
Tuesday, March 18: Actress Jaime Pressly, comedian Brian Regan

PS: Season four of The Wire starts on March 10 at 12.25am on a Monday night. WTF?
PPS: I must have missed something somewhere, but where have John Campbell's ties gone?

... I’m picking … Joey.

… who will stalk Tania. He’s behind you! Also, next year, Chris Warner is bumped off in a car crash, Toni inherits all the money and she, Guy, Tuesday and Harry move back into Warner Towers, where Guy proceeds to spend all the money on drugs. Shanti and Scotty have a totally Bollywood wedding, just because it would be fun. Before that, Shanti’s betrothed arrives from India and is totally gay and he and Gerald have a thing.

We’ll find out tonight. Right, off to think about feminism now.

A list forms in my head every weekend that goes roughly like this: Gosh the living room is a mess and that bathroom won’t clean itself and if the weather’s nice I’ll get into the garden and I’m so unfit I should go for a walk and mmm croissants and coffee for breakfast and maybe the kids would like to go to the pool and I should try to watch some of that stuff stacking up on the PVR and are there any good movies on and the car needs a wash and I’ve got to got to write a blog.

I know blogging is about life and everything, but life has a habit of getting in the way of blogging, especially those links-heavy blogs I’ve been writing lately which actually take quite a while to assemble. So no links today, just some random thoughts.

Like about Californication. Cali-forni-cation. CaliFORNICATION. Those first episodes really wanted to get a reaction and Family First obliged of course. Funny how David Duchovny’s character, Hank Moody, has now changed from Hound Dog to Defender of Women. Thursday, he was defending his girlfriend’s honour, punching a guy who’d insulted his ex-wife and having cutsey, sweet moments with his daughter. Given that he’s already asked in a blog, ‘Why is this town so intent on destroying its female population?’ could it be that Californication has more of a feminist agenda, no doubt equally abhorrent to Family First, than we thought? Hmm, discuss.

Word on the street, well, okay, a press release I was sent, is that the Shortland Street serial killer will become known to us in the final week this year, but will not be apprehended, leaving him, or her, to stalk the Street next year. I have visions of panto-like shouting from the couch, ‘Don’t go on a date with him, Tania!’ and ‘Alice! He’s behind you!’. I’ve got no frakking idea who it is. There have been so many red herrings and everyone’s been under suspicion that I’m surprised Lara Wade hasn’t dragged in Yvonne’s cat for questioning. If she had one, that is.

Finally, totally loving Love My Way which actually made me shed a little tear the other week. It’s The Secret Life of Us in their thirties and was made for Foxtel in Australia, rather than a network. Also, who's downloaded Battlestar Galactica Razor? Go on, admit it, and how cool were those old-school cylons?

One word: Heeeerrrrroooeeesss! Which starts tonight. Although the first episode might suffer a little from Desperate Housewives’ disease, in that it has to do quite a bit of setting up plot again, after nearly all the loose ends were tied up at the end of season one. Hopefully it won’t go down the Housewives’ second season path, which was widely agreed to be a shitter. And having seen the pilot, I can say that it is a little like the writers sat around and said, “What’s the most bizarre thing we can do to Peter Petrelli? I know, let’s make him join … “ Well, you’ll see.

Meanwhile, here’s some vid of Kristen Bell talking about how she got to join Heroes. And speaking of Desperate Housewives, finally a reason to watch again.

Monday
• Read the Television Without Pity recap after watching Heroes (TV3).
• Richard Dawkins would really, really hate Saving Grace (TV3); it’s a kind-of Touched by a Really Annoying Angel and they overdo the “she’s a sinner” thing too. But it’s Holly Hunter, for god’s sake. New York Magazine loved it, B- from EW.
• The Robert Capa documentary on Documentary Channel (8.00pm) is really good.
• It’s the Bowie episode of Flight of the Conchords (Prime).

Tuesday
• Who Wants to Be a Superhero? starts on C4. If you don’t mind knowing who won, check out the Sci Fi website. Also Wikipedia gives it away too. Damn you, internet!
• The Celebration (Rialto) got a nine from Philip in the Listener.
• Actress Amanda Peet, actor Patrick Warburton and comedian Jeff Caldwell on Letterman.

Wednesday
• Pop Goes the Weasel has Joe Cotton and a bloke from Spiderbait.
• The White Stripes, Kaiser Chiefs, James Hunter and Pink Martini are on Later with Jools Holland (Rialto).
• Up to episode eight on Dexter (Sky 1), here’s the TwoP recap for afterwards. Michael C Hall is good in this.
• Actor Jude Law, comedian Sarah Silverman and musical guest John Fogerty on Letterman.

Thursday
• The Pulp Sport (TV3) guys show some cojones by walking through Christchurch with a “Riche McCaw is a cheat” sign.
• Jim and Pam go on an unofficial date on The Office (TV3). Aww.
• Actor Jamie Foxx, actor Jimmy Smits and musical guest Will.I.Am on Letterman.

Friday
• Hex (TV2) features total hotties in a boarding school and was billed as the British Buffy. Charlie Brooker thought it beggared – and buggered – belief. Still, I'll be there.
• Kinda loving Love My Way (TV1), which really is The Secret Life of Us in their 30s. You tend to wonder when Evan and Gabrielle will be popping over for a barbie – and Deborah Mailman. Where’s their token Native Australian?
• 50 Ways of Saying Fabulous gets a four from Philip.
• Actor Sean Penn, director Barry Sonnenfeld and musical guests Ben Harper and The Innocent Criminals on Letterman.

The local television industry was rocked today by the news that VHS tapes of a sitcom missing for nearly 30 years have been found. Mr C Blondini, of Wadestown, made the discovery while clearing out a shed at the back of his garden.

“I was just moving this big pile of crap that’s been in there since we moved here in 1975,” said Mr Blondini, “when I saw the tapes under some bits of an old Mini Cooper. They still played okay, although the lighting’s rubbish due to some tape deterioration.”

The sitcom features the exploits of a group of employees of a backpacker hostel whimsically called Paradise. Television historian Keith Wellington said it was a fine example of comedies from the era and was a contemporary of classics such as Gliding On and Buck House.

The tapes have been handed over to film experts for safe keeping until it is ascertained who owns the rights. “We’ve had a few calls already,” said archivist Ms L Tawa. “Can you just wait? I’m getting another one now.

“Shit, that was 1979 calling. It wants its sitcom back.”

Wednesday
• It’s the first part of a two-part finale for The Closer.
• EW Popwatch blog writer likes It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (C4), although Gillian Flynn gave it a C.
• Dead Like Me (Prime) finishes with a two-parter tonight. Callum Blue is really effing excellent in this; he can now be seen in The Tudors. There’s a Dead Like Me movie and, fanboys, Ellen Muth is going to be at Armaggedon.
• Blackpool is on UKTV. Here’s a 2005 interview with David Morrissey.

Thursday
• Maori TV has the Breakers’ games, they play the Taipans tonight.
• Inside New Zealand (TV3) is about Kiwi mercenaries in Iraq.
• Philip at the Listener gave Tarnation (Rialto) a 10.
• The Mighty Boosh (C4) first went out on the internet in 2005 before being broadcast on BBC3. They have 62,566 friends on MySpace.
• 20/20 (TV2) has stories about a dude who had a four-year fight with the IRD; gets thee to a nunnery with three young women interested in the life; why people believe in lucky charms; homeless conjoined twins; and news bloopers that go international on the interweb.
• Fawlty Towers (TV1) starts with episode eight, “The Psychiatrist”.
• Self-help guru Dr. Phil, comedian Andy Kindler and musical guest Suzanne Vega on Letterman.

Friday
• OMG! It’s the first part of the two-part finale of Project Runway. Read the TWoP recap after viewing.
• Bonkers (TV1) looks bad.
• Rove has got the guys from Superbad.
• Actor Viggo Mortensen, tattoo artist/reality television star Kat Von D, musical guest Daughtry and a Top Ten List presented by 10 NASCAR stars on Letterman. Good reviews for Viggo’s latest film, Eastern Promises in which he fights in the nuddy. Here's an interview with him and director David Cronenberg.