Radiation by Fiona Rae

I’ve discovered a hitherto unforeseen skill, which is rather ironic considering what the skill is. When I predicted that I would most likely pathetically not be able to keep up with the weekly blog, how right I was, and how psychic! Sorry about last week.

So Spooks is good value until the next season of 24 starts (where is that, btw?). It’s got that 24 fast-action, split-screen, implausible outcome thing going on, with so many corrupt government ministers, terrorist cells and threats to Britain that it turns into a big amoral soup where no-one is innocent and there are, actually, no conclusions to be drawn whatever. I do wonder if it is capturing something of the zeitgeist of Britain 2007, where there have been actual terrorist acts.

Oh my God! You killed Jay! You bastards! Just when we were thinking that Shortland Street was like Hotel California – you can check out but you can never leave – they’re getting rid of characters willy-nilly like a communist purge. Very much liking the Nurse Alice and the New Doctor storyline (did he come to find her? Is he her one that got away? Could he take his shirt off before 7.30pm?). Alice and Craig never seemed that great a fit. Toni Potter (Alice) and Will Hall (Dr Kip) are doing a video chat on Monday.

Some links for Sat-Mon:

Saturday
• Movies are a bit rubbish: The Mummy Returns (TV3) gets a three; My Boss’s Daughter (TV2) gets a three; and The Naked Gun (TV2) gets a five from Philip in the Listener.
• Diana: Last Days of a Princess (TV1) is a weird docu-drama type of thing that Kathryn Flett in the Guardian thought might have been written by chimps given access to Olivetti typewriters. Be thankful we’re on the other side of the world during the 10th anniversary commemorations, although Simon Hoggart’s recollections here are amusing and the News of the World editor at the time of the crash has finally said he felt bad about it.
• The classic Serpico is on MGM.

Sunday
• The lovely Dean Lennox Kelly (Shameless) plays William Shakespeare in Doctor Who (Prime).
• The movies are better tonight: Emma (TV1) gets a seven; The School of Rock (TV2) gets a nine; Super Size Me (C4) gets a 10; and The Woodsman (Maori) gets a nine from Philip.
• Don’t miss Artsville (TV1); it’s Shirley Horrocks’ doco The Comics Show, which screened at the Film Festival this year.

Monday
• The lovely Jane Espenson wrote for Jake in Progress (TV3, 11.00am), which is really just an excuse to mention her name. Here’s a story she wrote for the New Republic about liking Harry Potter. Her blog is here.
• Hollyoaks starts on C4.
• Piha Rescue returns on TV1, reinforcing my determination never to go swimming at Piha.
• 60 Minutes (TV3) has stories about Kiwi women marrying younger foreigners; the wife of Australian swimmer Kieran Perkins undergoing experimental surgery to alleviate her debilitating migraines; and a woman who bought what could be a Jackson Pollock painting for $5.
• Spooks has learned a lesson from Joss Whedon: put your much-loved characters in danger. Tonight: Ruth.
• Grant Lahood’s short film Lemming Aid (Maori) won at Cannes in 1994. He and producer John Keir will have a studio korero with Ainsley Gardiner and Tearepa Kahi.
• Sen Hillary Rodham Clinton and musical guests Willie Nelson and Kenny Chesney are on Letterman.

Not so sure about my theory that the Shortland Street kill-ah is Steve the orderly. Too obvious, maybe. Joey is now looking migh-tee suspicious. It’s the quiet ones you’ve got to watch and all that. Steve could just be your garden-variety insensitive jerkoff.

TV3 has pulled 30 Rock peeps. See details below. C4 is to screen the British drama Skins, which is a fairly explicit youth drama, although the Guardian reviewer thought they were trying a bit too hard.

I’ve missed Saturday and only got to Tuesday, but I know that you guys aren’t even in on Saturdays anyway, you’re too busy getting wasted and having inappropriate sex, right?

Update: Wednesday and Thursday now added.

Oh, and the 13-year-old would like me to [insert fart joke here].

Sunday
• Doctor Who starts on Prime with The Runaway Bride. Could someone be more obsessive on Wikipedia? I don’t think so.
• TV3 has pulled 30 Rock, it is replaced by season one repeats of My Name Is Earl. You could try complaining here, although it appears you have to “log in” to do so. Some You Tube clips here to tide you over. Cracked.com has the 10 Best Moments from 30 Rock.
• Movie Dazed and Confused (C4) gets a nine from Philip.
• Billy Crudup very good in Stage Beauty (TV1)
• Science fiction classic Rollerball is on MGM.
• Maori is screening the Hong Kong movie upon which The Departed was based. Infernal Affairs gets a six from Philip.
• Artsville is about Gillian Karawe Whitehead.

Monday
• Dying for Everest (TV3) is about what happened after Mark Inglis and his team had passed the British climber David Sharp on their way up Everest.
• Robin Hood (Prime) is magically transported to Washington, where there is a sniper. Okay, I made up the Washington part. And the magical transportation.
• Maori is screening the Tall Blacks games against Australia; whoever wins gets automatic entry to the Olympics.
• Documentary film Voices of Iraq (Rialto) is possibly not the best doco about Iraq ever, but looks interesting.
• Actor John Travolta, reality television star Paula Abdul and musical guest Teddy Thompson are on Letterman.

Tuesday
• Betty and her family go to Guadalajara. EW’s Tanner Stranksy got goosebumps (read after the ep).
• Animated comedy Drawn Together begins on Prime.
• The rather brilliant State of Play is on UKTV, although I think it started last week. It’s to be remade in Hollywood with Last King of Scotland director Kevin MacDonald. Brad Pitt is going to be John Simm. Meanwhile, the rather brilliant Paul Abbott is writing an MI5 drama for ITV.
• Actor David Duchovny, Philadelphia Phillies star Ryan Howard and musical guest Andrew Bird on Letterman.

Wednesday
• Mini-series Flood is spookily timely, according to the Times.
• Maori has the second basketball test between the Boomers and the Tall Blacks.
• In Shameless (UKTV), there are explosions on the estate that raise terrorist fears, and the Maguires find that their Semtex is missing. As you do. It’s the penultimate episode of season four.
• Actor Jeff Goldblum, actress Hayden Panettiere and musical guests New Pornographers on Letterman.

Thursday
• Peyote … epiphanies … only four episodes to go on The Sopranos (TV1). Read this after.
• Along Came Polly (TV3) gets a five from Philip; Capote (Sky Movies) gets an eight
• Studio 60 is better when it’s not doing an “issue”. Hopefully tonight’s “virus” means just that.
• Actor Samuel L Jackson, journalist Christiane Amanpour and musical guest Tom Russell on Letterman.

Thanks go to Evan, who has pointed out that in my TV review in the Listener, I said that the Shortie nurses should have purple Space 1999 wigs to go with their new uniforms, when in fact it should be purple UFO wigs. Oops, my geek credentials are totally ruined right now. Although I still think the wigs would be a good idea.

Emmy nominations always simultaneously delight and annoy. EW thinks they’ve blown it again by not recognising The Wire, only one of the best series ever made.

Another Sunday to Wednesday effort; more to come. Highlight: Flight of the Conchords on Letterman on Tuesday.

Update: Zap2it.com has details on how to get Jemaine's look.

Another update: OMG, was not expecting another murder on Shortie, but I have my suspicions as to whodunnit: Steve the orderly.

Sunday
• Top Gear (Prime) is a Winter Olympics special, featuring cars v humans and 10 Suzuki Swifts playing five-a-side hockey.
• Really looking forward to Persuasion (TV1). Sally Hawkins was really good in Fingersmith; Rupert Penry-Jones is apparently ”torso of the week” and it’s the return of Rupert Giles, in breeches. Huzzah!
• It’s CSI: Miami’s 100th episode. EW’s Michael Slezak thinks it’s a guilty pleasure; Salon’s Heather Havrilesky discusses the CSIs here.
• Artsville (TV1) features Andris Apse.

Monday
• 60 Minutes (TV3) has stories about a guy stopped with a bucketload of Ecstasy at Auckland Airport who says he was doing it to save the life of his kidnapped sister in Baghdad; politically incorrect campaigner Rick Berman, who is also known as Dr Evil; and cerebral palsy sufferer Rick Hoyt who has had a university education and who, with the help of his father, runs marathons.
• Writer, director and actor Paolo Rotondo is in the studio to discuss short film Dead Letters on Maori TV’s Iti Pounamu.
• Actor Bruce Willis, San Antonio Spurs star Tony Parker and diving dogs demo on 53rd Street on Letterman.

Tuesday
• The series Who Do You Think You Are? (UKTV) is really good, although this is the first series from 2004. Tonight features British newsreader Moira Stuart.
• Damn you Outrageous Fortune (TV3), you made me cry last Tuesday! Although – yay – Pascalle’s back, plus, Munter and Kasey are at it like knives!
• Great episode of Battlestar Galactica tonight; watch the Comic Con San Diego panel with the lay-dees here.
• Actor Denis Leary and musical guests Flight of the Conchords on Letterman.

Wednesday
• Primeval finals, shame. However, there will be more. Tonight, the predator is from the future and is smarter than your average dinosaur, although sadly does not have a jet pack. Or a purple wig.
• Actor Kevin James, chef Jose Andres and musical guests White Rabbits on Letterman.

Thursday
• Stuck on You (TV3) isn’t bad.
• Morvern Callar (Rialto) is a modern classic, according to Philip in the Listener.
• Actor Don Cheadle, summer toy demonstration, musical guests Smashing Pumpkins and a Top Ten List presented by Wimbledon champion Venus Williams are on Letterman.

Friday
• So many laughs in Project Runway (TV3); they have to design for the “everyday woman” tonight. The whole, hi-larious episode is recapped here.
• In theory, Matt Damon is on Rove (TV3)
• Alan Carr carries on the great tradition of camp British TV presenters on The Friday Night Project (TV2).
• Elvis Presley’s 68 Comeback Special is on Prime.
• Fear, Stress and Anger is really dreadful, according to the Guardian’s Sam Woollaston.
• Lord of War (Sky Movies) is directed by New Zealander Andrew Niccol. There’s a brilliant opening sequence.
• Actor Robin Williams and Julie Chen, host of the CBS’ Big Brother 8, are on Letterman.

Still reeling from the death of Aurora Bay (you bastards!), but I understand the reasoning: think of the dramatic possibilities, such as the upcoming funeral. Meanwhile, the Herald is writing stories about Being Bogan. Good stuff.

Doctor Who’s new season starts on August 19 with the Christmas special “The Runaway Bride”, some of you may be happy to know. An attempt to milk the show in the UK didn’t work out: “Tardisodes” for mobile phones were a flop.

Joss Whedon talks about life after Wonder Woman at Comic Con.

I’ve only gotten up to Wednesday so far; more to come.

Saturday
• Extraordinary Kiwis (TV1) is about Zoë Bell.
• If you watch closely, you can see the exact moment George Clooney’s back was wrecked in Syriana (Sky Movies 1).

Sunday
• Kill Bill: Vol 1 (TV2) gets a nine from Philip in the Listener; here’s his 2003 review; Zoë Bell (see above) is interviewed here and here.
• Artsville (TV1) is about the Dunedin fashion scene.

Monday
• The Beeb was hoping that the new Robin Hood would be as popular as the new Doctor Who. In an ironic twist, the tapes were swiped by a poor Hungarian.
• Brothers & Sisters (TV2) gets an meh review from EW.
• Spooks (TV1) begins with one of those conspiracies where powerful men think that Britain would be better off if they were running the show. Spooks might be putting women off joining MI5.

Tuesday
• Only four more episodes of Ugly Betty to go.
• Outrageous Fortune (TV3) is like when the big voice used to say “Anything could happen in the next half hour!” at the beginning of Stingray, only not about the half-hour part.
• Quite a few of the Adult Swim cartoons are turning up in the video shop; C4 is screening Sealab 2021.
• Kathryn Flett advises pregnant women not to go anywhere near the final of Bodies (TV1).

Wednesday
• Made in Taiwan: Nathan and Oscar’s Excellent Adventure is on Maori Television (it screened previously on TV3).
• Body Hits is on Prime.
• Jonestown – Paradise Lost is about the Jim Jones cult that committed mass suicide in 1978 in Guyana, and follows the journey of Congressman Leo Ryan.
• Conan the Barbarian on Movie Greats!
• A Booze Britain Best-of special on Sky 1 at 9.30pm.

Thursday
• It’s a slow night; and the remade Alfie (TV3) is rubbish.
• In The Sopranos (TV1), Tony’s gambling is a problem and Vito Jr is a baby Goth. Read this after viewing.

Friday
• Confession: What About Brian (TV2) is my guilty pleasure, f**k it, it’s Friday night blob-out. After a short first season, tonight’s ep is the beginning of season two.
• Gog from 1954 (MGM) seems to have Cold War tension, according to someone on imdb anyway.
• Footballers’ Wives (TV1) finals, but I’m not really caring. Here’s the episode rundown on the official site.

Really intrigued by this report that Keeley Hawes is going to star in a sequel to Life on Mars, in which she ends up in 1981 – era of big hair, scary pants and Adam Ant – and Gene Hunt is there. I hope it won’t be what That ’80s Show was to That ’70s Show, but it’s the same writers and production company (will Sam Tyler be 10 years older and living in a council flat with Annie and a couple of kids?). Keeley is in Sunday Theatre this week.

So-called nerdfest Comic Con has been underway in San Diego, bigger than ever.

I’ve missed Saturday, but there was nothing much except The Dame Edna Treatment on TV1 and I’m not sure we care.

Sunday
• Sunday (TV1) has stories about our emergency departments in crisis; Iraq from the POV of an Apache 3 infantryman; and Emmy award-winning cameraman Mike Single.
• Really liking 30 Rock and fully expect to see Christopher Hitchens kissing Tina Fey’s ass any day now. Jerry Seinfeld is set to guest star in the second season opener in October.
• Sunday Theatre (TV1) stars the lovely Keeley Hawes and is quite possibly saved by her as well. Here’s an Independent interview.
• New series of Artsville starts on TV1, here’s a taste of what’s to come. It begins with a docu-drama starring Ian Hughes on a journey through the work of Bill Hammond.
• MGM is going all Pam Grier 70s: Foxy Brown at 1.55pm and Coffy at 5.05pm, plus American Pimp at 8.30pm, followed by 100 percent fresh Taxi Driver

Monday
• Don’t read this until after the final of Desperate Housewives (TV2).
• Ghost Whisperer replaces Men in Trees, bleurgh.
• 60 Minutes (TV3) has stories about a Kiwi actress with anorexia; nuclear power becoming the new “in” electricity; and Christina Aguilera.
• Stargate Atlantis is finalling today so that Prime can begin the Britpop Robin Hood next week. Lilly Allen’s dad is in it, he’s funny. Richard Dean Anderson is in Stargate.
• Extras finishes tonight too, read this afterwards.
• Letterman’s guests are reality show judge Sharon Osbourne and musical guests Yeah Yeah Yeahs.

Tuesday
• Scarfie Days on TV2 is made by NHNZ in Dunedin, what this means, I’m not sure.
• Tsotsi is on Rialto.
• Actress Anne Hathaway, comedian Jim Gaffigan and musical guests Buffalo Tom are on Letterman.

Wednesday
• I can’t work out whether Kyra Sedgwick is annoying or cute on The Closer.
• Dodos on Primeval. Heh.
• Our unique Chinese-Maori community is examined in Eating Pork’n’Puha with Chopsticks on Maori.
• Actor/comedian Andy Samberg and musical guests The Bravery are on Letterman.

Thursday
• Read this after tonight’s episode of The Sopranos in which Paulie is at his annoying best.
• Update: 20/20 (TV2) has stories about racism against Asians in Nelson; a couple who manage their porn-star daughter; why some people are luckier than others; and a Hollywood dog whisperer.
• Sideways (TV3) gets a nine from Philip in the Listener.
• Actor Seth Rogen, Democratic Presidential Candidate Senator Joe Biden and musical guests Chris & Rich Robinson are on Letterman.
• Pete & Dud: The Lost Tapes is on Documentary, couldn’t find much about them, but here’s a review of a biopic of Peter Cook.

Friday
• Seth Green is in Four Kings, which is possibly all its got going for it judging by this EWreview.
• It’s the end of the first season of What About Brian, but as it was only five eps long, TV2 is going straight into season two next week.
• The Pianist (TV3) also gets a nine from Philip. It’s 95 percent fresh at Rotten Tomatoes.
• Actor Matt Damon, comedian Jeff Altman and musical guests Gogol Bordello are on Letterman.