Cracker by Damian Christie

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Cracker: Flashback

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  • Damian Christie,

    Hey guys, has anyone seen a thread I left here somewhere? Had something to do with animals, just kinda sorta. I'm sure it was right here, but I went away for a couple of days and I see Russell talking sternly (I imagine his hands on his hips), people leaving and yet others talking about gestetners?

    Which I have to say, has just made my day. THAT'S what it was called. We used to call it the banda machine. And when the teacher used to hand pages out (our college was poor, we no afford actual books) all you'd hear was the sound of an entire class simultaneously sniffing paper.

    Always figured that story would have an Agent Orange kinda ending. Plenty of time I guess, I haven't reproduced yet.

    Now, where did I put that thread?

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1164 posts Report Reply

  • merc,

    I thought it was about acid flashbacks, sorry. We...we're, er babysitting your thread...ever been in a movie?
    Hamish, you're out of our film, sorry, talk wto my PA.
    R. if you ever mention the words "dancing", "with" and "potaoes in the same sentence again, you're out too, sorry mate but we have standards and this is art, make no mistake, where's my f*&^% script you word whore! Sorry, that was my PA, I've fired him, looked no good in tights anyway.

    Since Dec 2006 • 2471 posts Report Reply

  • Riddley Walker,

    Damian, apparently the purple printing ones were banda machines, invented by some founding father of Malawi apparently. (actually, i've been to Malawi - got bitten by a scorpian but didn't see a lot of printing going on, it may have clandestine though).

    now look here m, your PA or no, Eusa and I have formed a union - half guinea pig, half donkey-man thingy. if you want the guinea pig words, you'll have to wear the donkey tights too.
    happy to discard D with P however, although i thought it was kind of catchy. maybe too catchy...

    AKL • Since Feb 2007 • 890 posts Report Reply

  • merc,

    Look, everyone's getting way too excited, union, Jebus. Sorry to hear about the scorpion sting, it was a clandestine agent of The Cyclist, take heed, we are everywhere, erm they, they.
    Discard D with P eh, I like it, run with it, never liked those mules anyway, too sterile, then the Shrek franchise thing, inter animal thing, which is kind of catchy and the boggie board thing, I hate boogers, damn surfer speedhumps, however, if you can work the guinea pig, half man donkeytaur in tights angle in, I'll forget the threats, suppose we're going to have to cut Damian in (do we get alot of freeloaders or what?), maybe there's a 666 angle there,
    Cyclostyle Cyclist 666 - The Return of The Gestetner, has expandable franchise ops, I have a coupla hundered G's to move right now.

    Since Dec 2006 • 2471 posts Report Reply

  • John Farrell,

    Dunedin • Since Nov 2006 • 455 posts Report Reply

  • John Farrell,

    Gestetner Duplicator:

    http://www.nrggroup.co.uk/?id=43

    Dunedin • Since Nov 2006 • 455 posts Report Reply

  • John Farrell,

    The machine I briefly owned part of looked like this:

    http://home.vicnet.net.au/~typo/collect/officequ/duplicat.htm

    Dunedin • Since Nov 2006 • 455 posts Report Reply

  • Riddley Walker,

    Banda "Spirit Duplicator" - nice

    AKL • Since Feb 2007 • 890 posts Report Reply

  • merc,

    Mauvine....mmmmmmmmmm, and yes Spirit Duplicator, I can do that.

    Since Dec 2006 • 2471 posts Report Reply

  • Riddley Walker,

    ok m, will need to incubate that for a while before i can synthesize all the angles.
    why don't we give Damian some of hamishm's cut.

    AKL • Since Feb 2007 • 890 posts Report Reply

  • merc,

    Wha! Hamishm is fired, he's an ass for chrissakes you guinea fool. I think we need to look out for John F, he looks to me like he actually knows what he's talking about.
    He'll come back at us for royalties, just you wait and see. Damian can be paid off with a vial full of that isopropal methanol stuff, trust me, I know an amil nitrate fiend when I see one.

    Since Dec 2006 • 2471 posts Report Reply

  • hamishm,

    Brother Riddley!we stand together
    Jebus, it's a hard world in the film game.

    Since Nov 2006 • 357 posts Report Reply

  • John Farrell,

    Just make sure you include lots of howlers and anachronisms.....

    Dunedin • Since Nov 2006 • 455 posts Report Reply

  • Riddley Walker,

    nice agitprop Eusa, will add it to my already vast collection.

    m, you're right, Mr F does sound like he knows what he's talking about. according to my Density Church Pocket Guide to Identifying 'Logicals', Liberals and Other Servants of Satan, the "actually knows what he's talking about" is considered one of the most vicious of all The Bishop's Arch Demon foes.

    AKL • Since Feb 2007 • 890 posts Report Reply

  • merc,

    Yes R. he's already asking for plot inclusions, he'll want a G. product demo in next, hawhaw, hell another great idea, I'm on fire today!
    Agit prop smadgit prop, get outta here, you're just lamming.
    R. you'd better bring that Giude Book thingy into the studio, we don't want to leave that lying round, especially when Thread-guy 666 comes snooping in on us, sssshhh, think he's coming back now, look normal.

    Since Dec 2006 • 2471 posts Report Reply

  • Riddley Walker,

    looking entirely... n o r m a l now...

    AKL • Since Feb 2007 • 890 posts Report Reply

  • merc,

    small voice... m e t o o

    Since Dec 2006 • 2471 posts Report Reply

  • Riddley Walker,

    d o n ' t l o o k d i r e c t l y a t h i m

    AKL • Since Feb 2007 • 890 posts Report Reply

  • Riddley Walker,

    m, you're

    n
    o
    t

    l
    o
    o
    k
    i
    n
    g

    n
    o
    r
    m
    a
    l

    e
    n
    o
    u
    g
    h

    he can tell...

    AKL • Since Feb 2007 • 890 posts Report Reply

  • merc,

    It's OK, he posted on another thread. Creeps me out when he just looks back in on us like that. Damian Christ, who has a name like that, the Devil and Christ together, you think it's an alias? Or, The Devil's Auction House, he auctions souls I bet, he's on TV too, that's Satan's vehicle, though we could talk to him about a pilot movie, oh Jebus, see, that's how He works! Flattery R. he's going to come accross all nice and lovey, then WHAM! (not the band) he's going to steal our film!
    Look R. we're flagging, our thread count is down (we're sub 4k), we need to pull something out og the hat if we want to make it past 10'000 views, maybe we've lost our mojo? Maybe we need to try and be a little more factual?
    BTW, I have tried for many years to look normal, I'm a little insecure about it, OK?

    Since Dec 2006 • 2471 posts Report Reply

  • Riddley Walker,

    ok, i understand.

    Maybe we need to try and be a little more factual?

    LOOK AWAY m! that's just more of Satan's tricks! remeber the Density Manual, rub it liberally over your body if necessary.

    AKL • Since Feb 2007 • 890 posts Report Reply

  • merc,

    CAN'T LOOK AWAY, it's like he's the Ark of the Covenant or something (hehhe, that'll get them coming back for more)...
    ...in FACT it's almost like there's some mysterious pull towards PAS that is being generated from some strange Gestetner-like machine. Has Damian's skull been checked, we need a phrenologist and an exorcist...and a Bishop! He's not really a Bishop, that's it, he is...Son of Bwian (which brain spelled badly).
    My eyes R. my eyes are fire! When Brian dissapeared all those years ago he spawned a love child with The Cyclist! She is coming back for Damian (AKA Timmy, HamishM you're re-hired). Only the G knows what's really going on because (and this is brilliant), IT IS WRITTEN!
    IT IS THE GESTETNER CODE.

    Since Dec 2006 • 2471 posts Report Reply

  • Riddley Walker,

    THE GESTETNER CODE

    noice.

    let's get a copy of Catch 22, change all the nouns, most of the articles, and a few of the prepositions. that should confuse them long enough for us to make a get away.
    hamishm, with those legs, you're providing the transport.

    AKL • Since Feb 2007 • 890 posts Report Reply

  • Rob Stowell,

    Loud rapping:
    Evil voice off: open the f00in door!
    P1- it's the gestetno-
    P2- they've come to check the ink!
    P1&2 together: call the cyclist!
    Rumbling and sfx sacks ripping. An eerie glow lights up the gloom as a single great purple potatoe eye floats up from the trapdoor....
    P1- ahh- gett-out I didn't say cyclops.
    He Attempts to hide the sacred gestetner under a stuffed alligator.
    the eye, hissing, deflates. Door bursts open and three men in long coats enter. leader pokes his sharp 14" nose into each corner, before leaning over P1, who ducks to avoid the nose.
    Gestetno Leader: I ssssssmelllssssss INK!
    Ps 1&2 cower, sfx low sobbing swells, turns to violins.
    GL: AAAArgh! the cyclist!
    White light glowing, cheap midi vocal sfx "aaaaaaaaaH!"
    suddenly diminishes, light fades. Gestetno gather, movements like heron on P, they stalk out.
    P2: Whew. Where is merc? the guinea pig?
    P1: there is no guineapig in catch-22. But i think we can get paul wolfowitz to play milo- he will need a job.

    Whakaraupo • Since Nov 2006 • 2071 posts Report Reply

  • merc,

    Rob, you're hired. BTW, we don't need to use budget sfx, we're going for a HUGE grant and German funding.
    We'll sort out your contract after the final draft, we'll get our people to talk to your people, do you have people?

    Since Dec 2006 • 2471 posts Report Reply

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