Hard News by Russell Brown

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Hard News: Birth of the Nasty

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  • Russell Brown,

    Submissions on the Celtic pre-Polynesian settlement of NZ will be warmly welcomed.

    You fool! Hasn't Muriel Newman already told us it was the Chinese who got here first?

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 22724 posts Report Reply

  • andrew llewellyn,

    You fool! Hasn't Muriel Newman already told us it was the Chinese who got here first?

    She's also claimed the moriori were here first...

    Since Nov 2006 • 2075 posts Report Reply

  • Joe Wylie,

    You fool! Hasn't Muriel Newman already told us it was the Chinese who got here first?

    Thankfully, no. If she had I'd still be receiving spam for whatever it is that her husband's flogging these days.

    flat earth • Since Jan 2007 • 4590 posts Report Reply

  • Kumara Republic,

    You fool! Hasn't Muriel Newman already told us it was the Chinese who got here first?

    I remember now... that hoary old chestnut Terra Nullius.

    The southernmost capital … • Since Nov 2006 • 5414 posts Report Reply

  • Lyndon Hood,

    National's transition from successful marketing organisation to actual government looks more awful by the hour.

    If I may (not least because I pretty much though of it when I was here earlier):

    Recession-Weary Nation Cheered By John Key's Chaplinesque Antics

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1115 posts Report Reply

  • giovanni tiso,

    If I may

    Beat me to it. (It could be your new slogan: Lyndon Hood, faster than RSS). I must say though that the word "Satire" in your byline on Scoop is horrible, it really must go. It's like telling a joke and pausing just before the punchline to say "this is going to really make you laugh".

    Wellington • Since Jun 2007 • 7473 posts Report Reply

  • Caleb D'Anvers,

    Submissions on the Celtic pre-Polynesian settlement of NZ will be warmly welcomed

    Surely the cutting-edge ethno-science of Edward Tregear and F. D. Fenton proves that Maori are none other than the Lost Tribes of Israel. That, combined with Te Tiriti o Waitiangi and the Balfour Declaration, means we must stake our claim to the Holy Land right this second! Someone, please pencil-in a new clause to one of the draft bills sitting in Gerry Brownlee's office.

    London SE16 • Since Mar 2008 • 482 posts Report Reply

  • Jake Pollock,

    I must say though that the word "Satire" in your byline on Scoop is horrible, it really must go. It's like telling a joke and pausing just before the punchline to say "this is going to really make you laugh".

    I used to think that, Giovanni, but after the last year or two in New Zealand politics, so much of Lyndon's work seemed entirely plausible, and I decided that the cautionary 'satire' tag was warranted.

    Raumati South • Since Nov 2006 • 489 posts Report Reply

  • Russell Brown,

    Don't bother trying to work out what it all means, just wait for the next clarification - now issued daily.

    National's Nicky Wagner spammed me with this just now:

    As part of the environment team I have been appointed as a member of the Select Committee to review the Emissions Trading Scheme and related matters. The committee has been set up to have a fresh look at the Emissions Trading Scheme in response to concerns about New Zealand’s poor record on emissions, the changed economic environment and rushed way the legislation was passed. Dealing effectively with climate change is crucial to our environment and to our economy so this work is important and urgent.

    No, the committee was set up as a condition of the Act party's support on confidence and supply, Nicky. Your party promised to let the ETS come into operation while it worked on a number of amendments to the legislation.

    For some reason, this latest consignment of weasel-wordage has tipped me over the edge.

    <begins drinking heavily and swearing>

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 22724 posts Report Reply

  • dyan campbell,

    __You fool! Hasn't Muriel Newman already told us it was the Chinese who got here first?>>

    She's also claimed the moriori were here first...

    Wrong, you're all wrong, it was the Piltdown Man, then the Spanish Vikings.

    auckland • Since Dec 2006 • 595 posts Report Reply

  • Jan Farr,

    If I may (not least because I pretty much though of it when I was here earlier):

    Recession-Weary Nation Cheered By John Key's Chaplinesque Antics

    Really nice Lyndon! Thanks.

    Carterton • Since Apr 2008 • 395 posts Report Reply

  • Islander,

    O you are so wrong Dyan, Caleb et al! Muriel & the Chinese? (Actually it was Gavin Menzies)ptui! The Moriori - well, everyone knows we wicked Maori ate them out of house & home. The Celts? O dear - Martin Doutre has *such* a lot of information/proof but he's been gazumped by
    a)Ross Wiseman and his case for the Phoenecians (one of my family took the trouble while living on Great Barrier Island to go check out Ross's proofs - oh! Oh! It's all real! He not only found the Phoenecians riiding the moas ptroglyphs but also - new!- the UFOs that brought both Phoenecians AND moa to Aotearoa! He sent me the piccies! I've seen them (you have to squint a bit.))
    b)The "Ancient Nation of Waitaha" manufacturary set up by good old Barry Brailsford - that lot apparently arrived *even before the Phoenecians*!
    We wicked -specifically Kai Tahu - Maori ate them too. Apparently. Aside from the cuckoos who occaisionaly call in here at Big O. Wait 'til they come forward and testify sisters & brothers, testify!

    Big O, Mahitahi, Te Wahi … • Since Feb 2007 • 5643 posts Report Reply

  • Russell Brown,

    He sent me the piccies! I've seen them (you have to squint a bit.))

    Well, if you're not prepared to squint a bit in pursuit of the real truth, what kind of truth-seeker are you?

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 22724 posts Report Reply

  • Islander,

    Trying so hard not to be strabismustic (quiet sob) when looking at things erm straitly...

    Big O, Mahitahi, Te Wahi … • Since Feb 2007 • 5643 posts Report Reply

  • Mark Harris,

    We wicked -specifically Kai Tahu - Maori ate them too

    You bastards! You ate Kenny, too!

    ;-)

    Waikanae • Since Jul 2008 • 1343 posts Report Reply

  • Sacha,

    Was Kenny the ginga one hiding under a punga?

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 19661 posts Report Reply

  • Mike Graham,

    in response to concerns about ... rushed way the legislation was passed.

    Does anyone in the Nats realise what idiots they are making of themselves?

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 206 posts Report Reply

  • Islander,

    O shit, the Kenny thing- we really hoped that wouldnt get out
    (BTW Kenny's blond, at least in BLU he is- the gingas are all those celtic patupaiarehe etc.. O, and my mother,sister, nephew, et al- o double shit, we're exposed as the ones who not only ate everybody else but *are* everybody else...curls up & crosseyedly dies-)

    Big O, Mahitahi, Te Wahi … • Since Feb 2007 • 5643 posts Report Reply

  • Sacha,

    Does anyone in the Nats realise what idiots they are making of themselves?

    I believe they are probably relying on the last laugh principle..

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 19661 posts Report Reply

  • Joe Wylie,

    It's like telling a joke and pausing just before the punchline to say "this is going to really make you laugh"

    Perhaps it's done on solid legal advice, à la "serving suggestion only".

    flat earth • Since Jan 2007 • 4590 posts Report Reply

  • Lyndon Hood,

    Perhaps it's done on solid legal advice

    Well, it's fair to say it's the polite caution of a small new organisation.

    I guess it would be a bit clearer if we put "The following is not for real. Please do not sue."

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1115 posts Report Reply

  • Joe Wylie,

    How about "Lyndon Hood has a lend of you".

    flat earth • Since Jan 2007 • 4590 posts Report Reply

  • Sacha,

    Or "Lyndon Hood is only joking, honest"

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 19661 posts Report Reply

  • Shep Cheyenne,

    What about the Incas and the Pyramids and volcanic stone formations ... er stone walls cut by the Incas?

    Since Oct 2007 • 927 posts Report Reply

  • Christopher Dempsey,

    The current incoming government is suggesting far reaching changes in educational accountability and more testing in schools at a time when other nations are actually seeking to reduce testing in schools.

    I had a squint at the proposed law changes in the Education sector, including the laughable law change that Maori parents be fined $3000 for their children going truant (Mactional - giving the brown folk toy plastic ponies with one hand and bashing them with a sledgehammer on the other).

    My brother has dyslexia. How on earth would enshrining in law the requirement that all children learn to read, write and do maths assist my brother, who all through his school years, struggled with those subjects? What I am saying is that the proposed 'testing' regime is a one size fits all, when clearly, it doesn't. Children have different abilities (and for proof of that, look at the adult population). Educational policy and laws need to recognise this.

    The proposed Mactional law would mean that people like my brother will be shuffled off to some quiet dark corner and told to shut up - all because they don't fit the 'size'. How offensive.

    Parnell / Tamaki-Auckland… • Since Sep 2008 • 659 posts Report Reply

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