Southerly by David Haywood

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Southerly: This Week in Parliament

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  • Ross Mason,

    Just last week I had a nightmare that I was a kangaroo, and that Steven Joyce was attempting to insert his hands into my pouch.

    We married off my eldest on saturday. A requirement of my youngest (who also dressed the bride party) was that I dress up. I have never had the 'pleasure' of renting before and I dutifully turned up with her to try on the mufti.

    Well.

    I have been known to play with myself. But I never realised that there is a whole world of trou-renters who do it - probably - in public!!

    I could not believe it when I put my hands into the pockets that there was an opening into the nether regions of......well.....you know...

    Why has noone told me of this? If I had known that practically every(?) groom squad was trying this on I would have got the gummint to ban such wearable cloth..

    I now know where the poloice can find the picture theatre "players". Follow the suit hirees!!!

    PS - And no, I didn't....this time!!!!

    Upper Hutt • Since Jun 2007 • 1590 posts Report Reply

  • Islander,

    One of the weirdest most wonderful wanaka (as in learning groups) I've ever attended
    was held by a __very__unusual kai-korero: he not only believed that women of standing could speak on suitable marae (well, he was Ngati Porou) but he wanted to encourage the practise i te motu. But he gave his standard 'how to be a good orator' korero which included the deathless bit about "never put your hands in your trou pockets and get excited.We call it nut-polishing." There was a kind of pool of silence from the 5 women attendees. Which he noticed. "But you can if you're a woman. We call it distraction-technique."

    Big O, Mahitahi, Te Wahi … • Since Feb 2007 • 5643 posts Report Reply

  • Islander,

    One of the weirdest most wonderful wanaka (as in learning groups) I've ever attended
    -gah! Double-post. Sorry.

    Big O, Mahitahi, Te Wahi … • Since Feb 2007 • 5643 posts Report Reply

  • Lucy Stewart,

    (well, he was Ngati Porou)

    Well, what do you expect? ;) (My Maori teacher at school was Ngati Porou, so we mostly learned their reo and tikanga. I still have a soft spot for them.)

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 2105 posts Report Reply

  • Islander,

    Nothing less!
    (Kai Tahu whakapapa to Kati Porou. Why do you think I was allowed there?))

    Big O, Mahitahi, Te Wahi … • Since Feb 2007 • 5643 posts Report Reply

  • Ian Dalziel,

    Marsupial won't come back...
    in memory of Alex Chilton...
    my favourite track : Kangaroo

    Christchurch • Since Dec 2006 • 7943 posts Report Reply

  • David Hood,

    In the wake of this column I was vaguely disturbed to encounter, in a life imitates art fashion, a story about the
    head of the SETI post detection taskforce.

    Dunedin • Since May 2007 • 1445 posts Report Reply

  • David Haywood,

    I think this perfectly illustrates Lockwood Smith's biggest problem -- he's just too modest. It's really shocking to me how Failure Mag has glossed over Dr Smith's vital role in SETI, and instead wasted their time (and ours) in interviewing somebody calling themselves 'Paul Davies'. I mean, really, it reads like they've simply made the whole thing up.

    Dunsandel • Since Nov 2006 • 1156 posts Report Reply

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