Southerly by David Haywood

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Southerly: Wedding Bells

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  • Don Christie,

    I like weddings, mainly I suspect because I haven't had one myself, I don't get invited to many, and when I do they tend to be odd. But the eating, drinking dancing talking crap to strangers with the undercurrent heightened emotional overtones...bring it on.

    if you subtract the latter you're left with what my partner and I have had for the best part of twenty years. And we're not married.

    Same here, but working out anniversaries can be tricky. At least weddings mark a line in the sand.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1645 posts Report

  • Steve Barnes,

    I don't mind weddings, as long as it's not my own.
    Tom Waits

    Peria • Since Dec 2006 • 5521 posts Report

  • Don Christie,

    Well, that was an interesting comment, "undercurrent heightened...overtones". No idea where that came from.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1645 posts Report

  • Emma Hart,

    and when I do they tend to be odd

    I have just now received a message from one of my writing partners telling me she's off to a hand-fasting, and if she's not back by the end of the week she's probably still lost in a forest in Hereford somewhere.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4651 posts Report

  • giovanni tiso,

    Same here, but working out anniversaries can be tricky.

    Not for us, in fact we'd rather celebrate togetherness than beingmarriedness anyhow. We did do a civil union at some point, but in filling out a form recently we discovered that we couldn't even remember the year in which it had happened, let alone the day. Then at least we worked out the former ("you know, dear, it's when your parents blew an absolute gasket and we didn't speak to them for months.")

    Wellington • Since Jun 2007 • 7473 posts Report

  • Sara Bee,

    The best bit of our wedding was where dazed groom told the assembled gathering that "we fit together perfectly". Grubby sniggers from all the best friends, blank looks from elderly rellies.

    Dunedin • Since Nov 2006 • 67 posts Report

  • Emma Hart,

    Same here, but working out anniversaries can be tricky. At least weddings mark a line in the sand.

    Our civil universary is the same date as our previously-celebrated coughmumble anniversary. Karl swears I made this the first of the month so that he wouldn't get advance warning before turning over the calendar page.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4651 posts Report

  • Steve Barnes,

    hand-fasting

    Is that when you don't have to use your hand anymore?
    ;-)

    Peria • Since Dec 2006 • 5521 posts Report

  • Julian Melville,

    I spent years not seeing the point of getting married, and then one day all of a sudden I did. I'm not really sure what changed, or why, but it turned out that my wife-to-be felt the same way.

    So we got married in a garden with about 80 friends, a live band and cocktails all round. It wasn't all that traditional, or all that non-traditional, but it was a bloody good day out.

    Auckland • Since Dec 2006 • 200 posts Report

  • Lucy Stewart,

    Oddly, this is what my mother thought I wanted in a wedding. And little girls, to strew the rose petals in my path as I walked down the aisle.

    I don't even think that my mother thinks I want that. It just seems to be a convenient excuse to protest the whole wedding concept. The trouble is that it's not a very logical one.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 2105 posts Report

  • Rebecca Williams,

    it's nice to know there's so many other people who loathe traditional weddings. i wore a red dress, refused to let people give us gifts, instead had everyone we knew contribute something (cake, photos, design the dress, do the makeup etc) - in spite of which some people insisted on giving us money. we came out about $800 ahead. i never knew anyone else who actually made money out of their wedding.

    i went to a friend's wedding which was one of those swimming in roses, white meringue of a dress affairs - every last detail analysed and prepared - and yet they still managed to walk into their reception to the tune "i got the wandering eye" by fat freddy's drop. well done fellas. well done.

    Auckland • Since Mar 2007 • 120 posts Report

  • giovanni tiso,

    i never knew anyone else who actually made money out of their wedding.

    Not that uncommon in other cultures, one of my best friends in fact made a scandalous, deposit-for-a-house-worthy amount.

    Before we moved here my mother surprised me very much by suggesting Justine and I get married, until it transpired that her thinking was as follows: you have lots of relations with some money and not a lot of taste; if you got married and remained in Italy, they would give you ghastly ornamental things you'd be forced to look at for the rest of your days; but if you skip the country, they'll have to give you money.

    Wellington • Since Jun 2007 • 7473 posts Report

  • Josh Addison,

    Yeah, we made out well from ours. We'd been living together for years, and had everything we needed in the way of "house stuff", i.e. traditional wedding gifts. On the invitiations we basically said "presents are nice, but money towards a house deposit would be nicer, thanks". Of course, then we went and bought a house a month before the ceremony (because we didn't have enough to stress about), so all the cash became "money towards a honeymoon". Which was awesome.

    Onehunga, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 298 posts Report

  • Raymond A Francis,

    Well I agree with Toms
    There I have writen that and that is the second time this year I do wish Tom would write more left leaning diatribes that I don't agree with
    His point was you just have to go with the flow
    I had to go through a big Taranaki wedding mostly driven by my brides famil. I put my foot down on a wedding dance but other than that went with the flow
    On the other hand now that our sons are getting married (one down two to gp) small, no relations other than really near and very informal seems ok
    Just how the french girl friend will fit in with this only time will tell, on

    I have just oganised a funeral for my atheist father, we went the Moari way with that and it went very well

    45' South • Since Nov 2006 • 578 posts Report

  • Sacha,

    Raymond, glad to hear your father's sendoff went well. Another of those events where the echoes of our ancestors can be as loud as the congregation.

    I was reminded today of the final scene of Six Feet Under (thanks, JA), and thought of my own father's funeral and that mixture of celebration and sadness and something bigger than any of us.

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 19745 posts Report

  • Islander,

    I've not been to many weddings (& they've all been family or close friends) but I have truly enjoyed the changes: to take just one of my whanau - first time, v. tradtional church wedding, v. traditional wedding breakfast etc.

    But that was 30-odd years ago: for 3rd marriage (that has really lasted through sickness & health et al else) the bride strutted into the house most beautifully, accompanied by a recording of 'Sixxymuthaphuquer" (I might not have spelt this quite right); the celebrant sniggered uncontrollably, and the partying went on way past dawn, way into the next day & night.

    I'd way sooner go to a wedding than a funeral however: there's been way too many of the latter over the past decade and a bit...and they have been, for that period, large free of religious input. Which is good, for me & mine.

    Big O, Mahitahi, Te Wahi … • Since Feb 2007 • 5643 posts Report

  • Kerry Weston,

    I just go all Jane Austen for the night whilst retaining my critical faculties

    I just have to ask: what does this mean? Ringlets and an Empire line frock? No, no, can't be... a dazzling impersonation of Colin Firth?

    Manawatu • Since Jan 2008 • 494 posts Report

  • Cecelia,

    Married in 70s - white weddings a sham - a throwback to some pre-feminist era - only to have one's children organise huge affairs in the 2000's.

    It's a mystery.

    Hibiscus Coast • Since Apr 2008 • 559 posts Report

  • Lucy Stewart,

    It's a mystery.

    Eh, not really. The desire to flaunt wealth, or the appearance thereof, has won out. It's a social standing thing.

    That, and the wedding industry (with able support from De Beers) has done a bang-up job of convincing women that a big white wedding is exactly what they want.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 2105 posts Report

  • David Haywood,

    Some rather fun-sounding weddings here, I must say (and I never thought those particular words would pass my lips)...

    I particularly liked Carol Stewart's wedding in a cave. It's thrilling to imagine the possibility of an earthquake during the ceremony and the wedding guests trapped underground -- and then eventually... cannibalism! It would make for a very memorable occasion.

    Lucy Stewart wrote:

    That, and the wedding industry (with able support from De Beers) has done a bang-up job of convincing women that a big white wedding is exactly what they want.

    An acquaintance of mine was recently informed by a wedding planner that it was "traditional" to spend three months of the husband's salary on a ring; and a third of their joint salary on the wedding. Ah, these wonderful ye olde traditions -- some dating all the way back to the early 2000s...

    Islander wrote:

    I'd way sooner go to a wedding than a funeral however...

    A very good point.

    Dunsandel • Since Nov 2006 • 1156 posts Report

  • Lucy Stewart,

    and a third of their joint salary on the wedding

    But if the couple pay for it, how will the bride's family ever express correctly their appreciation for the groom taking their otherwise unproductive daughter off their hands? Now that's tradition.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 2105 posts Report

  • Islander,

    Steven C - Great Barrier? Some of my whanau lived there for qurte a while-2004-2006? Some still there?

    your funerals however seem not to involve immediate family?

    Most of mine have, or friends I deeply love.

    Gimme a wedding anyday-

    Big O, Mahitahi, Te Wahi … • Since Feb 2007 • 5643 posts Report

  • Isabel Hitchings,

    My wedding was a blast. I'm told this by the few reliable witnesses sober enough to remember.

    I have to admit that I don't remember much but I have a hazy memory of holding you up (and your dress together) so you could open your presents. Far and away the best wedding I've been to.

    Christchurch • Since Jul 2007 • 719 posts Report

  • Emma Hart,

    Far and away the best wedding I've been to.

    I knew getting the Scottish in-laws to pay for the piss was a good move. It took us weeks to drink all that.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4651 posts Report

  • Islander,

    Kia ora steven crawford - no, Kai Tahu/Pakeha, but they really enjoyed the Barrier (and so did I on my only visit - caught my first snapper ever, for one thing...)

    Big O, Mahitahi, Te Wahi … • Since Feb 2007 • 5643 posts Report

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