Posts by Isabel Hitchings
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Up Front: Respectably-Dressed Sensible…, in reply to Lilith __,
At the very least, I think the concept of consent needs to be an important part of sex education in schools.
And earlier than that (though not neccessarliy in a sexual context) . Today I explained the concept of active consent to a group of five and six year olds who were playing a game with wooden swords. I'd like to think that the leap from only play-fighting with people who are happy with the game to only sleeping with people who want to isn't too huge.
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If we're brutally honest I think most of us would have, at least once, touched or spoken to someone in a manner which was inappropriate or harrassing. I know that there were a couple of times, in my younger days, where the only way I could find to deal with guys I found hard to deal with was to make them feel uncomfortable with unwanted innuendo. Really not cool.
Asking can be sexy and I think it can be non-verbal (touching someone and then making meaningful eye-contact) or part of those other potentially awkward conversations people having sex ought to be having ("I think we're going to need a condom Very Soon"). Generally speaking I think you need to be more explicit the less well you know the person you are sleeping with as (assuming a functional, non-abusive relationship) people who have been together for a while do learn to read each others non-verbal cues.
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Up Front: Respectably-Dressed Sensible…, in reply to Heather Gaye,
I had my mouse poised over the rebuttal link then decided that I just don't need that in my head and managed not to click.
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This might be the place to link to an interesting Canadian public health campaign about alcohol and rape.
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Thunderpants are Teh Awesome as are Fanny Adams (which are kind of like thunderpants' sensible aunt). I prefer undies I don't have to continually fish out of my butt-crack. Fashionableness is not an issue for anything I intend to wear longer than 10 minutes.
I've had some pretty nasty thigh-chaffing from the seams in my jeans I would hate to risk exposing myself to more of that in worse places by going commando.
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If I am happy that the Arts Festival and the Film Festival and Kidsfest are still going ahead (and i am deliriously happy about those) then I can reluctantly admit that some kind of rugby based festivities will probably make a fair few people happy too. I'm sure there are lots of people who would have seen live games had they been played in Christchurch who will not be able to now so I think we should have something really good for rugby fans.
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Hard News: Three months after, in reply to Bart Janssen,
but please don't underestimate the talent and training counsellors have - they really have skills that are much more developed than any average person, it took me about 4 months to truly understand that.
The other thing that counsellors should have is the training and distance not to go under with you.I know, from experience on both sides of the equation, that friends and loved ones cannot cope indefinitely as sole support for someone who is depressed.
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Hard News: Three months after, in reply to Russell Brown,
I worry about the people who were already vulnerable, and who are over-represented in some of the worst-affected suburbs.
Indeed. It helps a lot if, before the quake you were reasonably OK and therefore have some ability to cope in reserve and if you still have areas of your life which you feel in control over.
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Hard News: Three months after, in reply to BenWilson,
Being miserable because bad things have happened is not the same as being depressed but bad things happening can trigger depression (and one person's Very Bad Thing can be another's No Big Deal). The difference, in my experience, is in how you react when things start to get better and in your ability to envisage a positive future.
Those who are merely miserable would still benefit from support and a listening ear but, as things improve, so will they. The truly depressed may not even notice things getting better.
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Hard News: Three months after, in reply to Emma Hart,
It’s not. It’s really, really not. But then, like Lilith, while I’m still frustrated, I see stuff change every day.
And today I got notice that I can flush my toilet (the first time since April 2nd)! It's a little thing in some ways but all those little things add up. I think some of the difficulty fr our moods is that everything changed in one huge, sudden event but things improve by tiny little steps. I think we would do well to celebrate those little steps (without being completely uncritical of those in charge, obviously).