Field Theory by Hadyn Green

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Field Theory: 25 Things you need to be a man

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  • dc_red,

    I'm still practicing "maneuvering a car out of a skid".

    Living in Canada, I've had the, ahem, the occasional opportunity to practice this over winter.

    If anyone has any advances on: "take foot off accelerator, point wheel in direction you'd ideally be going, resist urge to slam on brakes really hard, hope for the best" ... well, I'm all ears.

    Get a car unstuck

    Similarly difficult in my experience, unless you just happen to have the right equipment and - hopefully - a much larger vehicle handy. There's pretty much no skill required if both those criteria are fulfilled.

    Oil Patch, Alberta • Since Nov 2006 • 706 posts Report Reply

  • Danielle,

    I have never been more convinced of my own utter uselessness.

    Charo World. Cuchi-cuchi!… • Since Nov 2006 • 3623 posts Report Reply

  • Leopold,

    Spelling Hemingway properly - is that manly enough :-)

    Since Jan 2007 • 145 posts Report Reply

  • Simon Poole,

    If anyone has any advances on: "take foot off accelerator, point wheel in direction you'd ideally be going, resist urge to slam on brakes really hard, hope for the best" ... well, I'm all ears.

    When I was a little younger, I had the good fortune to roll a car and walk away unhurt (A fairly impressive feat on the backroads of the Coromandel). Since then, I have come to realise that maneuvering a car out of a skid is not manly skill - it is the avoidance of skid-able situations that is the skill it pays to have.

    Since Dec 2008 • 161 posts Report Reply

  • Craig Ranapia,

    You have to "do a man"? :)

    Don't knock it until you've tried it...

    Thinking about alternate lists, there could also be:

    25 things a woman should be able to do

    1. Resist the urge to smack the author of lists like this in the head with a frozen leg of lamb.

    2. Rinse.

    3, Repeat until you're firmly in your happy place.

    :)

    North Shore, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 11783 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart,

    I have never been more convinced of my own utter uselessness.

    If it helps, Danielle, we could make that list of 'things a lady should be able to do', and then gleefully celebrate not being able to do any of them.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4327 posts Report Reply

  • Phil Sargent,

    it is the avoidance of skid-able situations that is the skill it pays to have

    and also for getting a car unstuck.

    Since Nov 2006 • 28 posts Report Reply

  • Logan O'Callahan,

    If anyone has any advances on: "take foot off accelerator, point wheel in direction you'd ideally be going, resist urge to slam on brakes really hard, hope for the best" ... well, I'm all ears.

    Works in a rear wheel drive. In a front wheel drive you may actually have to do the same but get your foot back on the gas. This is to overcome the effect of the engine braking the front wheels.

    As it's popular mechanic I'm surprised not to see: welding, fibreglass work, attacking something with a gas torch, spray painting. The list of useful DIY skills is endless.

    Of course, the most manly thing is to pulp your thumb with a hammer or lacerate body parts with a saw. Extra points if you swear, grunt a few times and bandage it with a poultice of blood soaked sawdust before returning to what you're doing.

    Since Apr 2008 • 70 posts Report Reply

  • Simon Poole,

    it is the avoidance of skid-able situations that is the skill it pays to have

    A pity that concise prose is not on the list. Oh well, one less item for me to fail.

    Since Dec 2008 • 161 posts Report Reply

  • Rich of Observationz,

    welding, fibreglass work, attacking something with a gas torch, spray painting

    - Do not weld fibreglass
    - Do not use a gas torch whilst spray painting

    Back in Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 4359 posts Report Reply

  • steven crawford,

    Spelling Hemingway properly...

    He's the man!

    Since Nov 2006 • 2478 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart,

    Of course, the most manly thing is to pulp your thumb with a hammer or lacerate body parts with a saw. Extra points if you swear, grunt a few times and bandage it with a poultice of blood soaked sawdust before returning to what you're doing.

    My partner put a concrete drill through his upper arm. How manly is that?

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4327 posts Report Reply

  • Jo S,

    If it helps, Danielle, we could make that list of 'things a lady should be able to do', and then gleefully celebrate not being able to do any of them.

    I'm quite glad I don't know how to make those delicate looking cucumber or watercress sandwiches.
    They creep me out.
    Give me a bacon buttie any day.

    is it autumn yet? • Since May 2007 • 80 posts Report Reply

  • Hadyn Green,

    My partner put a concrete drill through his upper arm. How manly is that?

    I'm not even sure how that's possible.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 2081 posts Report Reply

  • Simon Poole,

    My partner put a concrete drill through his upper arm. How manly is that?

    Sounds more like a magic trick to me.

    Since Dec 2008 • 161 posts Report Reply

  • Michael Savidge,

    Keeping in mind that we men do not generally live in isolation from the delectable females of our species, I would think there's one skill not mentioned to date that should be high on any list of manly qualities.

    Locating the G-spot!

    A much more valuable skill than most on that list and not generally the type of job I'd be keen to outsource.

    Somewhere near Wellington… • Since Nov 2006 • 310 posts Report Reply

  • Simon Poole,

    Locating the G-spot!

    Mate, I think you'll find that, on the whole, women are far better at this than men are.

    Since Dec 2008 • 161 posts Report Reply

  • Don Christie,

    Jack London

    Oh yeah. Taming a wild wolf dog and all that tobogganing.

    Man's work.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1615 posts Report Reply

  • Rob Hosking,

    I would add: "Bury deceased family pets".

    And come up with convincing lies about how Floppy Muffkins died, because you accidentally backed the trailer over it.

    VERY surprised mending a fuse isn't anywhere on the lists.

    South Roseneath • Since Nov 2006 • 802 posts Report Reply

  • Michael Savidge,

    Locating the G-spot!

    Mate, I think you'll find that, on the whole, women are far better at this than men are.

    Hence the need to hone your skills grasshopper. Become adept and the world is your oyster*

    *results may vary.

    Somewhere near Wellington… • Since Nov 2006 • 310 posts Report Reply

  • uroskin,

    I don't know or can do or have ever done any of those 25 'manly' things but I can, do know how and have "done a man".

    Waiheke Island • Since Feb 2007 • 178 posts Report Reply

  • Hadyn Green,

    VERY surprised mending a fuse isn't anywhere on the lists.

    I did that a lot in our old place. The correct gauge wire for the fuse kept burning out so we bought thicker stuff. Maybe not the safest thing to do, but it felt good fixin' stuff.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 2081 posts Report Reply

  • Stephen Judd,

    I suppose we might add:
    - change a nappy
    - kill a rat with a spade
    - whip up a spreadsheet

    Specialization is for insects.

    I'd like my leaks repaired by a plumber and my tumour removed by a surgeon, thanks.

    While in theory I could manage most things on the list, I am happy in the knowledge that a chap can employ another chap to take care of the tedious business for him. Now be a dear and mix me another daiquiri, won't you?

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 2917 posts Report Reply

  • Craig Ranapia,

    Mate, I think you'll find that, on the whole, women are far better at this than men are.

    I thought the G Spot was an urban legend -- but what the hell do I know? It all sounds like the sexual equivalent of taking the kids to the mall for school shoes. The perfect pair might exist, it might not, but you can't help but wonder if the end justifies the effort.

    North Shore, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 11783 posts Report Reply

  • Michael Savidge,

    I thought the G Spot was an urban legend -- but what the hell do I know? It all sounds like the sexual equivalent of taking the kids to the mall for school shoes. The perfect pair might exist, it might not, but you can't help but wonder if the end justifies the effort.

    Jeez Craig, and here was me thinking you were a man of the world!

    In my experience the Graf is no myth, just easier to locate for some than others. Even your sweetheart potentially has one....so I respectfully suggest you put some time aside for exploring; it may result in many good things..

    Somewhere near Wellington… • Since Nov 2006 • 310 posts Report Reply

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