Posts by Emma Hart

  • Speaker: A true commitment, in reply to Bart Janssen,

    doesn’t some of this come under bullying as an accepted part of our culture. Abuse of power, the abuse of political power, the abuse of physical power to achieve your goal.

    Domestic abuse is bullying. The motivations and the methods are the same. The pervasive effect on the victim is the same.

    When the major issue in domestic violence cases is reporting, it may even have the opposite effect, making women more unlikely to report the offending for fear of the impact that could have on their partner and family.

    This will absolutely happen. At the level where abuse first starts coming to the attention of the police and social agencies, victims want their partners to get help. Having your partner jailed, losing his income? Which becomes losing your home and struggling to feed your kids? It means women will wait until the violence escalates, until they're afraid for their lives, before they start to report.

    I've already sat in a police station for nearly two hours because a witness said there had been strangulation, I was saying there hadn't, and they were waiting to see if bruises came up on my throat. Even when it came to court, the other witness - who was mistaken - was believed over me. Because I was the victim, and of course I would lie. You're going to get more of what we did then. Where was his hand? Was it on her throat, or on her chest? Was it a grab or a push?

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4328 posts Report Reply

  • Hard News: Te Reo Māori in schools:…,

    My cousin started teaching in the mid-seventies. She was assigned to a rural school near Whanganui, and the kids would cheek the teachers in Maori. She rapidly learned a lot of words you don't find in dictionaries.

    In the mid-eighties, she was teaching in a small rural school on the West Coast. Once for assembly, she taught the kids to sing "Five Little Fishes" in Maori. After multiple complaints from the parents, she was taken aside and instructed never to do it again.

    Maori became a language option at my high school in 1989, after Japanese. This despite us being a progressive school and all the buildings being labeled in Maori as well as English.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4328 posts Report Reply

  • Up Front: Tomorrow Lives Forever, in reply to linger,

    Damn – beaten to it; so I withdraw in favour of the preceding addition. NB Emma: refreshing the page deletes unsaved comment text, so doesn’t help much in avoiding this kind of thing.

    I'd have let both additions stand, as they weren't actually contradictory. And sorry, I have a browser extension that saves all text typed into a text box. C/p before you refresh.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4328 posts Report Reply

  • Speaker: Not even a statistic, in reply to Rosemary McDonald,

    And if anyone suggests the LINE is an artificial contruct….that, say a 15 year old CAN give consent to sexual activity…..then where would YOU put the LINE?

    There's a long and thoughtful discussion about problems with the age of consent here. I don't really want to get into it on this thread, because this thread is about rape. The case we've been discussing would be rape regardless of the age of the victim.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4328 posts Report Reply

  • Speaker: Not even a statistic, in reply to Rosemary McDonald,

    In the case described by Abbie….the evidence was there. The victim was under the age of consent….end of story….surely?

    Just to note, 12-15, it's unlawful sexual connection. For a rape charge, which carries higher penalties, you have to prove he didn't have consent.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4328 posts Report Reply

  • Speaker: Not even a statistic, in reply to bob daktari,

    Is there anything males need to be taught, other than to just Stop?

    Yes, and we’ve been through this all before. They need to learn what rape actually looks like. They need to learn to call their mates out when they keep pushing after a ‘no’. They need to learn that no-one is entitled to sex, that women should be able to wear any damn thing they want, that there are very good reasons why women don’t lay rape complaints.

    And… look, I don’t want to be offending anyone, and I hope that it’s obvious that I’m not talking about the PAS guys who constructively engage on these threads. You guys are fucking awesome and giving us hope for humanity and all that crap.

    But there are some guys here who aren’t, and this is what I want to say to them.

    Women like me, like Katrina, like Lucy, we’re right here, in this community with you. We’re sitting right here, talking about what’s happened to us. When it comes to rape and rape culture, we are your experts. We are. On these topics, we’re your Ngs and Edgelers. Give us the same respect for our knowledge as you would them in their areas of expertise.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4328 posts Report Reply

  • Speaker: Not even a statistic,

    Rosemary, I know you didn’t intend it that way, but I found your comment hugely distressing, and it looks like I’m not the only one.

    The last time I was raped, which was not a million years ago, it was in my own bed, by my then-partner. Like so many people, I froze up entirely during the experience, and didn’t move or speak until it was over. There was only one person I told about it, partly because “didn’t fight back” becomes part of the “not real rape” narrative. Nonetheless, I am not in the least ashamed of how I reacted.

    “Self-defence” is very focused on the ‘attack by a total stranger walking down a dark street’ rape myth narrative. Learning self-defence will not, as I said, keep you safe from being raped.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4328 posts Report Reply

  • Speaker: Not even a statistic, in reply to Daniel Wilton,

    I will be honest; I don’t fully understand the definition of rape culture. From little I understand is that it isn’t just a culture perpetuated by men.

    One of the most useful phrases I’ve run across to describe it is “You’re soaking in it.” It’s such a pervasive and omnipresent thing that it’s very easy to not see it until people start pointing it out. And women are soaking in it just as much as men are.

    These myths about what “real” rape looks like, and how “real” rape victims would behave also get inside the heads of women. Women will deny their own rapes, if they sufficiently deviate from that picture.

    There’s also an element of buying into magic thinking: if I don’t dress like that, if I don’t walk down dark streets by myself, if I hold my car keys a certain way, that will somehow ensure that I don’t get raped. And if that other woman didn’t do that, if she didn’t perform the right rituals, then it must be partially her fault. To admit that it’s not her fault, that there’s nothing you can do, is to admit that you can’t protect yourself, and that’s terrifying.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4328 posts Report Reply

  • Speaker: Not even a statistic, in reply to BenWilson,

    I understand. What would you advise?

    Things that are entirely focused on her. Counselling, absolutely. Her home being a safe place, where she could talk about it, or not talk about it and watch a bajillion episodes of Castle instead.

    If, for her recovery, it was important to her to lay a complaint, we'd do that, but with a firm grasp of the realities that most complaints don't go to trial, and of those that do, the conviction rate is 13%. And absolutely not "If you don't lay a complaint, he'll do it again," which is "If he rapes somebody else, and he probably will, it's your fault." I have seen people do this with the absolute best of intentions, and Please Stop.

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4328 posts Report Reply

  • Speaker: Not even a statistic,

    What I see reassures me that letting a rapist escape charges was the best thing for me.

    This. This was also the decision I made, again on multiple occasions, that I would be putting myself through hell for absolutely nothing. And would I advise my daughter to lay a rape complaint with police, no matter what the circumstances? No. I would not, and it breaks my heart to say that.

    (I will happily cover moderation on this thread for Russell while he's out, and I will have a very low Bullshit Threshold for it.)

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4328 posts Report Reply

Last ←Newer Page 1 2 3 4 5 433 Older→ First