Field Theory by Hadyn Green

Read Post

Field Theory: Wait for it...

35 Responses

First ←Older Page 1 2 Newer→ Last

  • Raymond A Francis,

    That really does make sense
    After all this is a game where you are not allowed to use your hands
    Hands that (God or who ever is in charge of these things) gave us to pick up balls that we can carry over the line and dot down. Instead....

    Talk about being denied pleasure!

    45' South • Since Nov 2006 • 543 posts Report Reply

  • Kyle Matthews,

    Football is all about the denial of orgasm.

    Subtle photograph choice there.

    Since Nov 2006 • 6205 posts Report Reply

  • George Darroch,

    It makes a lot more sense now. Ninety minutes of dribbling and passing around the goal-mouth, before a explosive Goaaaaal!!!!

    The People's Republic of … • Since Nov 2006 • 2136 posts Report Reply

  • Richard Irvine,

    A pithy football beatdown there, I hadn't considered the catholic angle :)

    Reminds me of one time me and a friend were watching Chelsea v Milan in the champions league on the telly in the company of 3-4 (Kiwi) rugby fans. Finished 0-0. At full time me and friend both said 'GOOD game', swiftly followed by a chorus of "WTF?s" from the Rugby guys.

    Hadyn, the next thing you should do re: football is read Fever Pitch. It's great at explaining how following a team through years of shit and adversity can be all worth if for the odd moment when they score a beautiful or significant or beautifully significant goal. See:

    Auckland • Since Dec 2006 • 241 posts Report Reply

  • Hadyn Green,

    Subtle photograph choice there.

    Yeah, Mike takes a bunch of great photos and I choose the joke one.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 2081 posts Report Reply

  • Hadyn Green,

    the odd moment when they score a beautiful or significant or beautifully significant goal. See...

    Did you know that video starts with a guy holding his crotch? :)

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 2081 posts Report Reply

  • Kyle Matthews,

    Ice hockey is a little similar, in that the best games are the ones that are low scoring and close. You'd almost never see 0-0 though, and if that started to become common, ice hockey would adjust a rule or the size of the goal or something to prevent it. A few years they made significant adjustments to the instructions to referees to allow skillful players the opportunity to play and score goals.

    Ice hockey also plays the wonderful endless overtime games, resolved by golden goal. Two seasons ago two teams went into four overtime periods (that's a whole 'nother game and bit') with both goalies pulling off some incredible saves before someone finally scored.

    A game where no one scored, and then it didn't ramp up by going into overtime and getting a result? How can this be the most popular sport in the world?

    Since Nov 2006 • 6205 posts Report Reply

  • Hadyn Green,

    Hey Kyle. You might want to comment on this too (I apologise in advance)

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 2081 posts Report Reply

  • Rich Lock,

    Subtle photograph choice there

    Satirical UK magazine Viz has a regular feature called (ahem) 'up the arse corner'. Which usually contains a photo just like that one.

    back in the mother countr… • Since Feb 2007 • 2401 posts Report Reply

  • Russell Brown,

    I have occasionally suggested to proper football fans that if two skilled teams can go 90 (or, Lord forbid 120) minutes without achieving the purported aim of the game, then perhaps the rules need tweaking. It never goes down well.

    But I think the denial-of-orgasm thing has some other effects.

    One is singing and chanting, which offers a clear sense of achievement that sometimes may be lacking in the match.

    The other is fighting. It does not seem a stretch to believe that constant unfulfilled stimulation may lead fans to express their frustrated excitement in another way.

    I'll get my coat then ...

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 18964 posts Report Reply

  • Kyle Matthews,

    Hey Kyle. You might want to comment on this too (I apologise in advance)

    Your beating will come later.

    Ice hockey is not a good sport to translate into games I think. I have NHL 04 for the playstation, which is OK, but I wouldn't ever try and put pressure on someone to play it if they didn't play hockey. It's a hard enough game to explain to someone watching it without them having to play it.

    But then again, I've played a couple of sports translated games over my life, and most of them struggle to be average - cricket, rugby, NFL, baseball. Taking an inherently physical 3D activity and reducing it to abstract controller movements... very hard.

    The endless sequences of these games coming out every year with minor changes in gameplay, and updated rosters... really are crap. It's basically like buying Windows XP again every time they release a new service pack.

    A new game every 3 or so years would seem much more reasonable given hardware and software development, these days anything else (updated team rosters etc) could be downloaded off the net.

    Since Nov 2006 • 6205 posts Report Reply

  • Richard Irvine,

    Russell, NZ Rugby or Cricket crowds are never, ever allowed to chant, as they have 'Why does love do this to me' or 'Pokerface' blasted at 110db anytime there's a break in play.

    By the time the music stops, you can *hear* the stunned silence.

    People in charge of music at matches have long forgotten that crowds of excited, engaged and drunk sports fans don't need a DJ to create atmosphere.

    Auckland • Since Dec 2006 • 241 posts Report Reply

  • Dan Slevin,

    People in charge of music at matches have long forgotten that crowds of excited, engaged and drunk sports fans don't need a DJ to create atmosphere.

    I don't think it's people in charge of music - it's just Mark McLeod. And he's on a nice little earner.

    Wellington, NZ • Since Mar 2007 • 95 posts Report Reply

  • Angus Robertson,

    This is what football fans crave, being constantly brought to the edge of celebration and then having that cruelly denied to them.

    Arsenal have a team that plays beautiful flowing football; Man U win.

    Auckland • Since May 2007 • 984 posts Report Reply

  • Rich Lock,

    Football is all about the denial of orgasm.

    It ocurrs to me that there is one fatal flaw in your 'denial' theory: How many blokes do you know who can play, if you'll excuse the expression, 'keepie-uppie' for 90 mins?

    Anyway, everyone knows footy is really all about beating the Germans.

    back in the mother countr… • Since Feb 2007 • 2401 posts Report Reply

  • LegBreak,

    For a great football book, and it has more than its fair share of them, try The Damned United by former Guardian journalist David Peace.

    About Clough's 44 days "in charge" of Leeds. Seriously good reading.

    Half of it written in the 2nd person too.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1162 posts Report Reply

  • Edward Siddle,

    Nah, can't really agree with the theory. The clapping isn't contentment, it is encouragement - "yeah, more of that boys, but next time score please" is the message.

    There's a bit in Fever Pitch (mentioned above) where Hornby discusses whether in a game where your team gets lots of goals, you get diminishing returns of enjoyment and the answer is, well, not really. the more the better thanks. Especially from the Phoenix, who haven't managed more than 1 a game this year which is incredibly frustrating. I take no pleasure in it and it's not why I go along.

    Personally I think the German coach of their 1954 World Cup winning team had it right about the point of football in five words: "Das Runde muss ins Eckige". The round thing has to go in the rectangular thing.

    Wellington • Since Sep 2008 • 54 posts Report Reply

  • Don Christie,

    Arsenal have a team that plays beautiful flowing football; Man U win.

    Oh come now. Arsenal Trade Marked eeking out boring 1-0 wins for over 100 years. Are you denying them their destiny?

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1616 posts Report Reply

  • simon g,

    Football is interesting, for the same simple reason that most Ranfurly Shield games, Black Caps opening partnerships and Arnold Schwarzenegger movies are not interesting.

    You don't know the result.

    The All Blacks pool games at the Rugby World Cup are not interesting. The All Blacks knockout games are far too interesting.

    If you already know who is going to win, you are watching performance art, not sport. Hence, the global game is the greatest game. Fewer goals = more dreams. People dare to hope, and say "You never know ...". Because really, you don't. It could happen. It does happen.

    Argentina, coached by Diego Maradona, could miss out on qualifying for the World Cup, while New Zealand, coached by somebody, could get there. In any other "world" sport, Argentina would have received a guaranteed invitation from the governing body as part of the TV sponsorship deal, and would win their first pool game 117-0.

    As it is, one goal may take them to the World Cup. Or eliminate them. And yes, it will be orgasmic. It will cause more joy, or heartache (possibly a military coup) than any game with an endless supply of predictable points.

    Less is so much more.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 782 posts Report Reply

  • Angus Robertson,

    He said, "it's not about the goals".

    How flowing artistic interpassing, spacing and a good mobile midfeild can find room in even a strong defence to set up a shot - its beautiful to watch. It doesn't matter if the shot goes in or misses, so denial is not the point (only at a Phoenix game the shot always misses).

    Oh come now. Arsenal Trade Marked eeking out boring 1-0 wins for over 100 years. Are you denying them their destiny?

    Wenger has changed them. They now exhilerate.

    Auckland • Since May 2007 • 984 posts Report Reply

  • Kyle Matthews,

    How flowing artistic interpassing, spacing and a good mobile midfeild can find room in even a strong defence to set up a shot - its beautiful to watch.

    On this basis I recommend that the sport do away with the goals all together if the setup is so beautiful.

    Since Nov 2006 • 6205 posts Report Reply

  • Hadyn Green,

    How flowing artistic interpassing, spacing and a good mobile midfeild can find room in even a strong defence to set up a shot - its beautiful to watch.

    On this basis I recommend that the sport do away with the goals all together if the setup is so beautiful.

    It's like 11-man rhythmic gymnastics.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 2081 posts Report Reply

  • Hadyn Green,

    Argentina, coached by Diego Maradona, could miss out on qualifying for the World Cup, while New Zealand, coached by somebody, could get there.

    Simon I think you confuse the game with the tournament set-up. Because while little old NZ could make it to the World Cup, when we play Brazil the outcome will be fairly certain

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 2081 posts Report Reply

  • Kyle Matthews,

    It's like 11-man rhythmic gymnastics.

    Actually, if they did away with the ball and gave every player a long twirly ribbon on a stick, then it would definitely be the 'beautiful game'.

    Since Nov 2006 • 6205 posts Report Reply

  • Hadyn Green,

    Actually, if they did away with the ball and gave every player a long twirly ribbon on a stick, then it would definitely be the 'beautiful game'.

    The Azzurri would need new uniforms too

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 2081 posts Report Reply

First ←Older Page 1 2 Newer→ Last

Post your response…

Please sign in using your Public Address credentials…

Login

You may also create an account or retrieve your password.