Southerly by David Haywood

....and the author of most extraordinary puns! Never to be outdone.

Failed Christmas cards:

that all of you will enjoy a relaxing and mucus-free Christmas

Ian sounds loverly, especially since he has now been outed as a cat person.

Have a great Christmas David, ours will be made happier as a result of your book.

Hear hear!

Although I feel I must assert my rights as the original author of the phrase "the lovely Ian Dalziel".

Add a little hair and subtract a little girth, and Ian's the same caring, clever human I worked with 26 years ago at Rip It Up.

RE: The Cat People

Strangely, I can also imagine Ian and Sally providing accommodation for rescue dogs (this is not a suggestion for anyone to inflict a dog upon them, by the way). Bob and I once saw Ian riding his bicycle, and he did look like a man without a dog sitting in a box on his carrier. If you know what I mean.

RE:

Ours will be made happier as a result of your book.

Very delighted to hear that! Have an excellent Christmas, Bart!

In breaking news, we have less mucus than yesterday.

I feel I must assert my rights as the original author of the phrase “the lovely Ian Dalziel”.

I think it will be simplest (and more Christmassy) if we let New Zealand's legal system decide on that. Bob and I will see you in court.

the lovely Ian Dalziel

I've heard of him. He's great.

I presume the cat accquired its name while running across a certain byway in Chch.

Attempting a Cashel Streek.

Ah! I have read of him, and read what he's written, of course, but what I want to now is this: is he the lovely Ian Dalzeal, or is he the lovely Ian Dee Ell?

Bob and I will see you in court.

No need for that mallarky. Send 3 infringement claims to his ISP and get him cut off. Bwahaahaahaa.

Oh yeah, Merry Christmas :-)

I think it will be simplest (and more Christmassy) if we let New Zealand’s legal system decide on that. Bob and I will see you in court.

As my Christmas present, please please please can you make this happen? I suspect it would be HIGHLY entertaining.

In breaking news, we have less mucus than yesterday.

Caution: Pandering-to-kiddies earworm.

No need for that mallarky. Send 3 infringement claims to his ISP and get him cut off. Bwahaahaahaa.

Speaking of which.... a co-worker here in Auck just received one of these from his ISP.

They are already in use!
I'm not sure if this is old news that I've happened to miss, or if they are fresh on the nz tubes?

his macronic talents

Wow. Does he also have macaronic or macarenic talents? Or some combination of all 3?

I just love that photo of Bob in the garden, David. And your description of his preference for le pipi dans le jardin had me in fits of laughter because it puts me in mind of my darling, vulgar Dad who, on a very toney trip around Europe, pissed in the Pope's Summer Palace garden. And boasted about it. How rude! I should have realised he would do that. One of my most vivid late childhood memories is of Dad and two of my brothers having pissing contests from the side of a Sth Island ravine. I mean, really!

And not a lemon tree in sight?

Mid-winter, hot flush. Only thing to do is go outside and pee under the lemon. Supposed to be good for them. Lemons I mean. I can tell you now, it was utter bliss for me!

Ian Dalziel

A very fine choice for our next Govenor-General, I'd have thought.

Well, as marvellous as ID most certainly is, my Christmas praise and thanks for PA person of the year must go to you, David. In my book your generosity and genius are second to none - with the possible exceptions of the other two members of your family. Never mind Bob the Baby, I say Bob the Brain!! WOW
Thank you dude, and a very merry and mucusless Christmas to you all.
PS: See you at home around 7pm?

his macronic talents

he makes pasta too???

at Rip It Up

The Dalziel grin and irreverent quips (along with the soundtrack driven by Murray's awful Bob Seger records) rather defined that loft.

Ross Mason wrote:

I presume the cat acquired its name while running across a certain byway in Chch.

Not quite. Running halfway across a certain byway, I believe.

Jacqui Dunn wrote:

... is he the lovely Ian Dalzeal, or is he the lovely Ian Dee Ell?

Being a fairminded sort of chap it seems he chooses the former pronunciation while acknowledging the historical validity of the latter.

Lilith wrote:

Does he also have macaronic or macarenic talents?

We have not yet discovered the limits to Ian's talents (if indeed they have limits).

Jackie Clark wrote:

One of my most vivid late childhood memories is of Dad and two of my brothers having pissing contests from the side of a Sth Island ravine.

Bob will be sorry to have missed out on that incident -- he is already quite the over-sharer in the urination demonstration department.

3410 wrote:

A very fine choice for our next Governor-General, I'd have thought.

I quite agree (despite Ian's foreign-sounding surname).

sally jones wrote:

Thank you dude, and a very merry and mucusless Christmas to you all.
PS: See you at home around 7pm?

Just spotted the Jones children coming up the front path with pizza. Oh, how splendid of you! Always nice to have PAers visit.

Must go and answer the doorbell...

Geez Joe - I made the mistake of onsending that clip to young family members...o gawd, if there is one thing worse than outatune xmassy carols, it is hymns to mucus & boogers-

Um, David Hayward, while I love your work dearly, you realise that every Scot & Scots-descended person is, even now hunting you down? Running away to court wont save you-

After a particularly prodigious toilet-training breakthrough last week, Bob demanded that Sally be summoned to admire the contents of his potty. I tactfully explained that Sally was busy at work, but assured him that I would give her a detailed description the next time we meet. She’ll be thrilled no end, I’m sure.

I was quite glad to read this, see there was a photo underneath, scroll down, and find it wasn't photographic evidence.

Ian is a self-described 'designersaur' whose life has veered down a variety of interesting tangents. He was once a roadie for Toy Love, he designed the famous 'cupid eyeball' logo for Flying Nun, spent a few happy years working at Rip It Up, and enjoyed numerous evenings as the doorman for Windsor Castle in its hey-day.

Must be lovely! What a guy. And you and yours David
Happy Holidays to yous.

Another awesome thing about the lovely Ian or ID as we know him is his fantastic ability to produce amazingly cool posters/postcards/flyers/whatever on the smell of an oily rag, He will always help to get a community-based event off the ground. AND he can't say no to books so if you need a good book he's your goto guy.

The stories about le pipi remind me of a train trip I once took across America's Midwest. A fellow passenger recounted to me how he lives up in the mountains that are the origin of the Potomac River, which flows through Washington DC. I always felt he left out a bit of the story by just saying that he could stand astride the Potomac, especially given his views on politicians and the federal government.

(Which is a neither-here-nor-there comment on a post that lionizes an otterly fabulous person.)