Southerly by David Haywood

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Southerly: The Truth About Talkback

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  • Jono,

    Simply superb. Thanks for a fun start to the morning :-)

    Whangarei • Since Oct 2008 • 20 posts Report Reply

  • underscore_b,

    Brilliant. Just brilliant.

    Since Jun 2007 • 18 posts Report Reply

  • Whoops,

    I've heard that most of the talk show hosts graduate from the Arkham technical institute...

    here • Since Apr 2007 • 105 posts Report Reply

  • Joe Wylie,

    Of course, that hollow mirthless laugh employed by talkback hosts and their sycophants - "uh - uh - uh - uh - uh" - it's just a modified form of stridulation.

    flat earth • Since Jan 2007 • 4591 posts Report Reply

  • Danielle,

    Shoplifting Entomologist Explains: 'I Fought Giant Bug'.

    I want that on a tshirt.

    (We don't have Night 'n' Days in Auckland, do we?)

    Charo World. Cuchi-cuchi!… • Since Nov 2006 • 3828 posts Report Reply

  • Ian Dalziel,

    La Cucaracha...

    a veritable Kafkanated Koffee Klatch...

    at last a viable explanation for the enablers of the chittering classes...

    ...and now I understand my instinctive revulsion at Mike Yardley, Mike Hosking and their ilk!

    Christchurch • Since Dec 2006 • 7896 posts Report Reply

  • Sarah Wedde,

    He picked a Maybelline eyeliner from the drawer and stepped closer to the mirror. Shimmering Onyx. The perfect glossy black to distract attention from his compound eyes.

    Lower Hutt • Since Nov 2006 • 66 posts Report Reply

  • Judi Lapsley Miller,

    Should I be disturbed that I know two writers - both called David - who have written stories about sex with insects? Uncanny, and deeply disturbing on many levels...

    I'm prepared to believe two data points are a coincidence, but it makes me wonder what David Slack may have filed away...

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 106 posts Report Reply

  • Ian Dalziel,

    Click Lit... a new genera of fiction?

    He picked a Maybelline eyeliner from the drawer and stepped closer to the mirror. Shimmering Onyx. The perfect glossy black to distract attention from his compound eyes....

    ...Michael Laws curls his antennae into stylish sideburns, winks into the mirror and hisses "it's show time!"...

    Christchurch • Since Dec 2006 • 7896 posts Report Reply

  • Christiaan,

    Ha, you had me going until the "public loves a politician" bit.

    London, UK • Since Dec 2006 • 121 posts Report Reply

  • Mark Thomas,

    Brilliant. He has my vote.
    What? Oh

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 317 posts Report Reply

  • Andrew Stevenson,

    Shades of Charles Stross?

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 206 posts Report Reply

  • David Haywood,

    Glad this wee piece was able to provide some amusement and enlightenment.

    I'd originally tried to submit it to the Journal of Insect Mimicry but they rejected it on the basis that it was already established knowledge (and, of course, that the article didn't contain enough sex with insects to interest their readership).

    Sarah Wedde: oh yes, I should have mentioned the clever adaptation to disguise the compound eyes!

    Dunsandel • Since Nov 2006 • 1156 posts Report Reply

  • Stephen Judd,

    I was cringing in anticipation of a Cronenberg-style denouement, and glad not to get it.

    The remake of "The Fly" meets "And All The Seas With Oysters."

    Well done, sir.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 3122 posts Report Reply

  • BenWilson,

    Perfect screenplay for the intro to a new series.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 10641 posts Report Reply

  • Andre Alessi,

    I liked this a lot! Very Will Self-ish (pun not intended.)

    Devonport, New Zealand • Since Nov 2006 • 864 posts Report Reply

  • Graeme Edgeler,

    I found myself standing at the drinks table beside her. It seemed courteous to introduce myself. "I work with Gavin Ramsay," I said.

    Ahh - your first mistake. Having just re-watched Pride and Prejudice I'm led to believe etiquette requires that one should only ever be introduced by someone else =)

    Wellington, New Zealand • Since Nov 2006 • 3202 posts Report Reply

  • Geoff Lealand,

    Insects In Disguise: I have always been suspicious of Ear-wigs!

    Screen & Media Studies, U… • Since Oct 2007 • 2539 posts Report Reply

  • Ross Mason,

    Well Bug ger me.

    Mike Flaws was the department's microscopist

    "You mean Mr Perfect?"
    "No, Flaws."

    My research is mainly on Hemideina ricta -- the Bank's Peninsula tree weta."

    Shit....I lived in Little River for four years........he may have studied me.....

    Since my release

    Well David, at least YOU will have a piece of paper that says you are sane. More than the most of us I suspect.

    "It's a Six!

    Nah, 9.5. Lost half a point for speeding in a 50km zone. Sheez. Lucky it wasn't Ferry Road!!! Score so far for 2010 pursuits. Civilians 13 Police 0.

    Upper Hutt • Since Jun 2007 • 1589 posts Report Reply

  • Bart Janssen,

    The perfect plot for the 48 hr film thing those brilliant/mad folks do.

    I have to wonder about how long the incubation period is, personally I suspect it's close to 9 years (or three terms).

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 4451 posts Report Reply

  • Tim Michie,

    For identification purposes:

    Auckward • Since Nov 2006 • 614 posts Report Reply

  • Jackie Clark,

    When I first started reading that, I thought it was autobiographical. Obviously not. Pretty edge of the seat stuff!

    Mt Eden, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 3136 posts Report Reply

  • Rich Lock,

    I've tried every possible approach in finding Marianne -- even to the extent of cashing in my superannuation account to hire private detectives.

    Did they look in the Interzone?

    And since it's Friday.

    back in the mother countr… • Since Feb 2007 • 2728 posts Report Reply

  • Sam F,

    Now this is just sensational. I salute you, sir.

    Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 1609 posts Report Reply

  • Danielle,

    And since it's Friday.

    Heh, I love that song. And now I have an extra vivid mental picture of 'mugwump jism', so... there's that.

    Charo World. Cuchi-cuchi!… • Since Nov 2006 • 3828 posts Report Reply

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