Up Front by Emma Hart

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Up Front: Does My Mortgage Look Like a Slag in This?

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  • kmont,

    Got to the 29th page finally!

    Someone wanting some item of yours, something that in certain circumstances you'd be happy to share with certain people, and acting aggressively to get it when you've said no. In this case, that item happens to be your personal space and/or your body.

    When I think about it like that, it suddenly becomes much more compelling, and the implications are pretty moving.

    Thank you for that Mr George Darroch, I think that is a great thought experiment to give men the smallest inkling of what it is like to try to enjoy your own sexual energy/power (because you can and you should and there is no reason to hide your light under a bushel) without men becoming grabby and downright scary when told that you are not interested.

    Just call bad behaviour when you see it gentlemen, and the women of the world will salute you (and maybe swoon if they are that way inclined).

    wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 485 posts Report Reply

  • Craig Ranapia,

    This thread has been a pretty good reminder of why I'm pretty much a homebody, though not sure that was the intended effect. Ta for the positive reinforcement of my lifestyle choices, folks! :)

    North Shore, Auckland • Since Nov 2006 • 12370 posts Report Reply

  • Emma Hart,

    to try to enjoy your own sexual energy/power (because you can and you should and there is no reason to hide your light under a bushel)

    Kowhai? Yay!

    Christchurch • Since Nov 2006 • 4650 posts Report Reply

  • Lucy Stewart,

    My wife is working in the UAE and she must cover neck, arms, and dress to the ground. Those are the rules at work. They are told to be careful in the street in Abu Dahai or Al Ain when wearing more exposed skin, as this would be a signal apparently that they are loose women.

    Dude, last time I checked, sharia law hadn't made it to New Zealand yet. "Wear certain clothing because the law of the land is sexist" is not the same thing as "wear certain clothing because certain people are being sexist assholes", though I think that's the analogue you're going for.

    And, hey? That still wouldn't make the people who harassed your wife for being a "loose woman" any less morally culpable for doing so.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 2105 posts Report Reply

  • Sofie Bribiesca,

    Ah, I suck at this Internet thing. Is this thing even on? Where do you speak into? Hello?

    Is there anybody out there? I'm comfortably numb :)

    here and there. • Since Nov 2007 • 6796 posts Report Reply

  • George Darroch,

    Ah, I suck at this Internet thing. Is this thing even on? Where do you speak into? Hello?

    That's because your tubes are blocked. It happens to me all the time. See that blue cord that leads into the back of your computer? You need to unplug it and let it drain for a few hours.

    WLG • Since Nov 2006 • 2264 posts Report Reply

  • Ian MacKay,

    Lucy. That was a simple piece of information in answer to the question about overseas. Baffled again how you put "I think that's the analogue you're going for. " into it.

    Bleheim • Since Nov 2006 • 498 posts Report Reply

  • Rich Lock,

    Ah, I suck at this Internet thing. Is this thing even on? Where do you speak into? Hello?

    I think that's the analogue you're going for

    Gio, just upgrade to Web 2.0

    I've heard it runs on digitals.

    back in the mother countr… • Since Feb 2007 • 2728 posts Report Reply

  • Isabel Hitchings,

    A wee ways upthread it looked like flirting and harassment were being discussed as different points on the same continuum of sexual behaviour but I really don't think they are because I think they often have very different intents.

    To me flirting has the main aim (whether it ends in bed or not) of making recipient feel good about themselves (and therefore about the person flirting with them) whereas harassment is about one person demonstrating power over the other.

    Flirting can be a beautiful thing and a fine art and there should probably be more of it

    Christchurch • Since Jul 2007 • 719 posts Report Reply

  • Sofie Bribiesca,

    Right, folks. It is my weekend, and in about an hour, I am about to sit down to lunch at the Restaurant of the Year.

    And here I thought my man had taken me to the restaurant of the year ! I guess I'll have to explain to him that Merediths is no longer. Happy to say though we weren't interupted by strangers sayin' "you wanna fuk?"

    here and there. • Since Nov 2007 • 6796 posts Report Reply

  • Steve Barnes,

    I'll be back on Monday, or earlier, depending on how slow the internet is in rural Canterbury this weekend.

    You're travelling by internet? giga megabits of cool.

    Peria • Since Dec 2006 • 5521 posts Report Reply

  • Steve Barnes,

    a woman's virtue being like a castle

    Rapunzel, let down your hair...
    Ah.. erm... well it is Friday.
    ;-)

    Peria • Since Dec 2006 • 5521 posts Report Reply

  • Lucy Stewart,

    Lucy. That was a simple piece of information in answer to the question about overseas. Baffled again how you put "I think that's the analogue you're going for. " into it.

    Context, dude. Context. If you weren't trying to make a point about wearing "appropriate" clothing in certain places, what were you saying?

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 2105 posts Report Reply

  • Sacha,

    Ian, sorry I was talking about the way your post was structured just like Holmes' rambles on his tv show, not your content. I was confident others had more than enough feedback to offer about that.

    I think it's safe to say what used to be regarded as instinctive or universally obvious is subject to social change. Not so long since women were not up to voting, poor dears, and owning slaves was a damn fine idea.

    And now we're seeing the pendulum swing against feminist understandings that were ascendant a few decades ago. That's fine to discuss.

    However, some of the common arguments do not stand up to the slightest scrutiny and are as old as the hills - so you can imagine people who have heard them many toes before groaning and eventually being quite curt when they get trotted out again. I hope you understand.

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 19686 posts Report Reply

  • Sacha,

    Toes, times - must have been all the talk about footwear.

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 19686 posts Report Reply

  • giovanni tiso,

    Thinking on your feet I see.

    (Happy birthday, btw.)

    Wellington • Since Jun 2007 • 7473 posts Report Reply

  • Sacha,

    Heh. Thanks.

    Ak • Since May 2008 • 19686 posts Report Reply

  • Ian MacKay,

    I get it Sacha. Ta.

    Bleheim • Since Nov 2006 • 498 posts Report Reply

  • LegBreak,

    I like a woman that's quiet
    A woman that (sic) carriers herslef like Miss Universe
    Take my hand
    Come with me baby to Loverland
    Let me show how sweet it can be
    Sharing loving with me

    Seemed right to drag that up.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1162 posts Report Reply

  • JackElder,

    Attitudes to women in other countries: I spent a fair amount of time in various parts of China (mainly Beijing and the surrounds) in the mid 90s, in my university holidays. Since it was cold, everyone wore great big coats to prevent bits dropping off. This meant that any secondary sexual characteristics below the neck were effectively off display.

    So on several occasions (at least three), I heard a discussion nearby about whether I was male or female. On the argument for female: long hair and earrings. On the argument for male: beard. Twice, it reached the point where someone just came up and asked me. I found this hilarious (obviously - I'm still telling this story a decade and a half later), and there was no malice - I just came outside the standard gender categories that people were used to. Everyone was very nice about it; more curious than anything else.

    Disclaimer: I was not sexually harassed at any point. Unless you count overly aggressive prostitutes touting for business in the nightclubs.

    Wellington • Since Mar 2008 • 708 posts Report Reply

  • Joe Wylie,

    Seemed right to drag that up.

    Right you are.

    flat earth • Since Jan 2007 • 4591 posts Report Reply

  • Angus Robertson,

    A nice read on 1940 style flirtation, from period Esquire.

    Auckland • Since May 2007 • 984 posts Report Reply

  • LegBreak,

    Cheers Joe,

    As a 13 year old I loved that song, and knew it was well, not right.

    For 30 years I'd forgotten about it, and then downloaded it recently.

    It's way out there, and don't they dress like their lyrics?

    But shit those boys could sing.

    Wellington • Since Nov 2006 • 1162 posts Report Reply

  • Sarah Horth,

    I came home last night after being trapped at a dinner party by a pro-lifer/anti abortion woman. I never thought I would be so badly affected by the sanctimonious and unforgiving rant of a privileged woman who has been with the same man since 19 and never worked. It shook me - I need to toughen up as this is the US.

    Came home and read the rest of this thread, as I needed contact with sanity. Thanks all :)

    Seattle • Since Aug 2009 • 44 posts Report Reply

  • giovanni tiso,

    I came home last night after being trapped at a dinner party by a pro-lifer/anti abortion woman.

    Pity you're not still in New Zealand, I believe you could have at least claimed some ACC for that.

    Wellington • Since Jun 2007 • 7473 posts Report Reply

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