Up Front: What Sixteen Is
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Emma's post has just reminded me that as a teenager, maybe 17 or 18, I used to hitchhike around, as did quite a few others.
I was walking along a main highway beside the sea - glorious day, not much traffic. A truck came the opposite way and pulled over. The driver called out "Hey girlie" and pointed a shotgun out the window at me. Looked him in the eye, thought if I'm going to die, he has to face me. My feet felt encased in concrete, couldn't run anyway! He let off a few shots, just over my head, laughed maniacally and drove away....
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Wow, Kerry, you just made me do that 'horrified gasp followed by relieved laughter' thing. And given I have bronchitis (thank you Haydn and Rob), the horrified gasp wasn't the best idea. But it's weird the stuff that runs through your head at moments like that.
People are often as adult as you treat them, basically.
Yeah. I mean, we're just starting on this parenting teenagers lark, but my theory is (ha, I know) that it's like dismantling the supporting framework for a tree as it grows. You don't want to take it down too soon or the tree gets flattened, and you don't want to leave it too late or its growth gets stunted.
As a child I was a completely different person from what I was at sixteen, with different tools and subject to different drives. I wasn't an adult, no, but much closer to an adult than to a child.
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He let off a few shots, just over my head, laughed maniacally and drove away...
This thread is asking for Russell to start up a 'really fucked up things that happened to me when I was young' topic of the month.
Apart from anything else, hullo, truck, licence plate, police, sirens, "sir did you fire a shotgun at a young woman at the side of the road?"
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hullo, truck, licence plate, police, sirens, "sir did you fire a shotgun at a young woman at the side of the road?"
I was too totally freaked to think that coherently. As soon as he took off, my legs turned to jelly and I fell over! Blubbing like a baby. I was probably too scared to report it, hitching being a naughty thing to do, and the " you got what you deserved" kinda thinking that operated at the time (late 70s). And what proof did I have - no witnesses.
I think it put me off hitching tho...
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I was too totally freaked to think that coherently.
and it's te 70's.(no cellphone on side of road)
After a few incidents myself, I came up with a master plan, always hitch with a friend and have a "get out" code with said friend to put into action quick getoutta car performance. Never stopped hitching though.
And Emma, sometimes I think you are mature beyond your years. Maybe it's the battle scars that enlighten us also. I never had a crossbow but I think of similar experience and I know I accept a lot of my situations were very good lessons which has helped my adulthood. Without sounding curt (I hope), life is good.
Oh... and the drug thing, experimenting is fun, we were not all idiots :) -
You'll have to excuse my cloudy jabber - home with the flu - and I couldn't remember why I told that story, but it's come to me that it was about instinct.
My instincts told me to stay still and look him in the eye. That if i ran, I would be kinda irresistible, like a bunny target. Your instincts don't work too well if you don't use them - kids learn strategy like when to shut up, when to hide, blend in, sneak away, run away or front up. negotiating teenagerhood is putting those lessons to work, trusting yourself.
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I was too totally freaked to think that coherently.
Yes, I was thinking more of the crazy trucker rather than the scared shitless young person on the side of the road.
As in 'how do you do something that stupid and think of it as just a joke'?
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Most of us live through the time when we have the faculties of adults directed by the common sense of a P-addled baboon, but not everyone.
We joke about locking the daughter up until she's 30, but I won't be doing that. I'm going to worry like hell though.
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Eek, the "except when it's not" was directed at Sofie's "life is good."
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That if i ran, I would be kinda irresistible, like a bunny target.
I had to do that once, aged about 18, with a large, unrestrained, unaccompanied and aggressive dog. Aggressive in all mouth no trousers sort of way, not a get off my patch NOW sort of way, I later realised. But still scary.
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No shotguns (!), no crossbows (!!), but speaking of 'objectively rather mad things you do which make sense at the time', I once told a young (but large enough) dude trying to mug me as I walked to university in Baton Rouge that no, I would not be giving him any of my money, and no, I did not believe that the fingers pointed at me from under his shirt were actually a gun. Insanely, he agreed with me (quite pleasantly!) and went on his merry way. What was I *thinking*? He could *easily* have beaten me up. I think I was just so incensed/surprised at my space being invaded that I spoke with enough authority to fend him off.
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More fun.
Yeah, I noticed that. Not the smart end of the sixteen year old spectrum, I would say.
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Eek, the "except when it's not" was directed at Sofie's "life is good."
I wasn't suggesting death was good. Perhaps I was too cryptic?
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Just to give all the PA parents the heebie jeebies:
My best friend at high school lived near the school - her house backed onto a reserve and had a back gate. One school morning, we each sneakily phoned the school saying the other one was sick, then trotted out her back gate and changed into jeans etc that we had stashed in our schoolbags. We walked up to the main highway to Taupo, about a mile away ( we were in Napier) and hitchhiked out.
Made good time and spent a few hours lolling about Lake Taupo, swimming etc then hit the road for home at about 2.30pm. Got a ride in a truck as far as the Rangitaiki plains - when a storm broke over us. We were on an unsealed stretch, when suddenly, the windscreen shattered. The driver let us out and there we were, two pitiful, drowned rats hoping for a ride home. After 45 miserable minutes, we faced the inevitable - one more car and then we'd go across the road to some roadhouse place and phone her mum to come get us.
Miracle! The next car stopped for us - a smoothie in a sports car with, wonders of the modern age, a hairdryer! He drove very fast and we managed to cruise home only slightly late, with our wet clothes hidden and our hair dry ....
never got sprung for that one! We were all of 15 and not a soul knew where we were.
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I think I was just so incensed/surprised at my space being invaded that I spoke with enough authority to fend him off.
That's the kind of story they tell in self-defence classes. Having the guts to stand up for yourself is halfway to winning a confrontation. It's also halfway to escalating an unwinnable one, but picking which is which is a special skill you need to develop. Dogs are quite good at it, and boys tend to have more experience in negotiating those kind of encounters than girls. When you're of a gender (or ethnic group) that people assume will back down all the time, it's likely that someone who's trying to intimidate you isn't expecting a fair fight.
One of the dumbest things I did as a teenager was talking on the phone to a friend who was worried that there was someone in his house who wasn't meant to be there. He was debating on whether to make a noise in order to scare them off, and I said that depended on whether the purported intruder was a scared teenager or a drunk guy with a gun. Way to contribute to someone's peace of mind.
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He's the blogger that keeps on giving.
My favourites were his hoax letters...the series to the Klu Klux Klan about whether Australians are white or not which ended in him demanding "Well if I can't lynch Australians, who CAN I lynch....I reckin y'all got INFILTRATED BY LIBRULS'...
Or the series to Boris Johnson inviting him to join his political party:
"The modern Conservative Party is an old man wanking into a sock... we are trying to establish is a new kind of democracy, a democracy based on press-ups. We rise at five and breakfast frugally on oats while our opponents are still slumbering like hogs. Our answer to inflation, youth unemployment and the pension crisis is the same: press-ups. England expects that every man shall do his press-ups. The innocent have nothing to fear."
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urhh, that last post was s'posed to be on a different thread. I blame...oh, to hell with it, just general confusion...
I have had lots of confrontationy things with dogs, having been a postie in Ponsonby for two years back in the 1980s.
One thing I learned is most dogs have worked out that if you are reaching down to the ground you are probably looking for a stone to throw at them, and they back off.
The downside is that if they are not intimidated by this, you have just presented your neck at a more accessible height.
I had a very sheltered time of it as a 16 year old though.
You know that John Mellencamp song 'Jack & Diane' which has the line 'Hold onto 16 as long as you can'? 1ZB used to play the song in the evening about the time I would be hosing out the cowshed. I thought the line was rubbish then & still do, but it is associated in my mind with a pile of cowshit going down the drain.
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As a child I was a completely different person from what I was at sixteen, with different tools and subject to different drives. I wasn't an adult, no, but much closer to an adult than to a child.
Of course. A young woman. Not technically a child. See, this is why I would never, ever be a mother. And it may be the reason my teenaged nieces and nephews think I'm a bit stink. Because I sit on them. As I've said before, the kids are aghast that I won't let them do stuff even mum and dad will. And why am I such a stern horrid aunt? Because teenagers do some dumb stuff - most of the time, they don't know any better or really do not have the critical faculty to assess risk and consequence.And developmentally, adolescence is a time when human beings are all about taking risks and pushing boundaries. I agree with some of you that some adults are very immature, and some kids are mature beyond their years. Doesn't mean that they all are though.
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Because I sit on them.
Wont somebody please think of the children ;)
If it's any consolation Jackie, I am sure you are the aunty that alot of us had growing up, and it doesn't make you the ogre. I think the family contributes many ideas to kids and that's what makes us good or bad adults. It seems healthy to me for all families to have an aunty Jackie innit. -
I'm glad of that, Sofie. Sometimes I feel like a dinosaur, and it's probably because I'm not a parent that I'm overly anxious with the current crop of teens in my family. There are 16 nieces and nephews, and all but the last 5 are now well grown up. And those last 5 are now thrusting into adolescence. Eek!
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Jackie, love your compassion & insights, Sofie- love your compassionate insights-
I've now watched my sibs' children grow to adulthood, and loved - & wept - over what they've become. Now, there's the greatgrands...I dont get anxious (I'd be a continually quavering mess otherwise) and I dont get prescriptive (beacause I'm not the younger whanau living their hectic eve frantic lives.) What I do - and am- is: these are the family values, within these I will support you wholly.
Molotov-cocktail aunt here, complete with squid hooks - and recipes.
Incidentally, I dont think human brains mature before 24-26: life experience means humans wholus bolus frequently mature beforehand: your Nanna's photo was choice Giovanni, and my Nanna, who left school at 12 and became a scullery maid, would match her...
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Islander, I admire you in your auntyhood. My sister in law Mahina was like that with all the kids. Such a good aunt. I meant to comment on Giovanni's Nana, and her age. I don't know that comparing us to them is entirely useful, Giovanni. Simply because they lived somewhat different lives. I have taught many Somalian children and their mummies all were married at 12 and 13, and mothers by 15 or so. Just because it is so doesn't make it right, does it? I'm not a great believer in things being they way they are just because that's how they have always been.
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What I do - and am- is: these are the family values, within these I will support you wholly.
My Dad was and still is a bit like that although the molotov thing....;) but I think , his family being in and around the States made him alone whereas my Mum only needed the phone for her family in ChCh, which was I guess how I moved to Oz on my own 3 weeks after I turned 16.I felt entirely comfortable. It seemed like the right thing to do, and my only regret was my not considering that a boyfriend might have been going to miss me. But that's how you learn and hopefully good comes from that. Weird thing now is I feel more mature than my Mum or Dad. But, I'm not worried because they taught me that.
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your Nanna's photo was choice Giovanni
Thank you (and Kerry), I am very fond of it. I spent an inordinate number of years at university and convinced them to let me do a PhD which was really an elaborate ruse to put that photo in a book.
The next one we have of her was taken during her fiftieth wedding anniversary. Smallest Picasa account ever!
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