Posts by Jackie Clark
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Up Front: Respectably-Dressed Sensible…, in reply to Isabel Hitchings,
Oh Isabel, you made my day. That is exactly right. I do it all the time with our kids - and teaching boys, in particular, to recognise how someone feels just by looking at them. When nonverbal communication is so important, as it is in Pacific Island cultures in general, I find talking about, and teaching, mood recognition, and recognition of what someone wants or needs just by reading body language very successful.
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Up Front: Respectably-Dressed Sensible…, in reply to Bart Janssen,
Bart, there's a supposition on your part that all rape is violent - do you mean violent as in the wider understanding of the word? Or do you mean in a more micro way? I've been in situations that were inherently violent, but not physically so. And the incident I related - although I use the term "rape" to describe what happened to me extremely tentatively - wasn't even inherently violent. It was someone making an executive decision on my behalf that I wanted to have sex with him, even when I didn't. I had consented to the point of being in my bed with him, but that's where my consent ended. So I don't know that rape culture means that we encourage, or condone violence. I'm still really sorting out what it does mean, for me. All I know is that this discussion, very early on, triggered in me extreme feelings of rage, at myself and at people who tried to do violence to me. And yes, to the man who thought it was okay to use my body for his own needs. Those feelings caught me by surprise, and only lasted very briefly. Anything that makes us confront our own behaviour, and the behaviour of others, can only be a good thing, as far as I am concerned. I would also like to thank everyone for their candour. As we say in my business, sharing is caring.
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Up Front: Respectably-Dressed Sensible…, in reply to BenWilson,
You could ask "Shall we dance?". I quite like that.
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Up Front: Respectably-Dressed Sensible…, in reply to Emma Hart,
I take it that "Hell, yes!" would also be covered by "Yes, yes, yes - I see your lips moving. Fuck me, now!". The latter part of this discussion has really made me think about a number of things - unspoken consent amongst them. I believe in the years 1984-1989, I may well have been the Queen of the One Night Stand. And on none of those many occasions, was consent ever explicitly given. I've had sex when I didn't much feel like it, but did it anyway, certainly. I wasn't forced, and it was okay for it to happen. I was just a bit blah about it. Mostly, it was of the unspoken consensual "let's just get it on, and never mind the talking" variety. There was one occasion, however, when I wasn't at all keen, in the slightest, and despite saying no the once, I understood that I wasn't going to get listened to, I just lay there, really. It wasn't rough but I explicitly remember thinking "I don't want this". I have always felt uncomfortable using the term "rape" for what happened. I very much like the idea of enthusiastic consent - it seems to me that some clarification in those situations would have been helpful for both parties'. On the other hand, in terms of sexual harrassment, I have asked to see mens' bottoms, (clothed, I might add) and made generally obnoxious remarks - I think at the time I justified it by talking about "positive discrimination" or some such shit. I'm not sure why I thought it was okay, really. I've often abused men who've made comments about me, or my friends. And I'm great at stepping in and beating the shit (verbally) out of men who have hurt people I love. So to all those whose bums I've patted and biceps I've stroked, genuinely I would say that was wrong. And I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable, or caused you distress of any kind.
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Craig, you know what I am doing now involves arms, and hearts, and healing energy. All for you, my friend. All for you.
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Up Front: Respectably-Dressed Sensible…, in reply to nzlemming,
It was the highlights, darling!
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And I'd like to thank Emma for posting this here. I know it cannot have been easy, but you know what? For the first time in years, I am able to look at the young woman I was, and tell her that it was never her fault. That people did things to her, and tried to do things to her, that they had no right to do. That it wasn't her fault that over and over again, people - alright, men - tried to take away her elan of spirit, her joie de vivre, That they watched her confidence and easy way of being and thought that they could extinguish it. And for the first time, I am able to be angry about it. To feel enraged. But most of all, I can acknowledge that all the times I looked at young women, and subconsciously thought that they should be more careful, that they shouldn't really be out there drunk, that they were making themselves more vulnerable, I was talking to myself. Judging myself. So thankyou Emma. Thankyou.
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That get up would suit you completely! I’d be more tempted to go like this in reference to my barmaid days.
Or this because being louche with a cigarette in my mouth comes naturally. But if I had my druthers, I would so go like this.
More seriously, I will be going in the outfit that approximates the one I always seemed to be wearing when people had a go at sexually assaulting me, which would be this. Yes, a sweatshirt, and you can't see them, but I had on my very wonderful Adidas track pants. The one with a stripe down the side. You remember the ones? An awful lot of us wore them in the 80's. Gagging for it, we were. -
My Dad always wore cotton boxers. Always. Never saw him in anything else (and believe me, in a house where nudity is the norm, you see alot of your parents' underwear). Ironically enough, when my Dad was at the helm, Ceramco owned Bendon for a while. And I find their undies very comfortable.
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And lo and behold, there's an article in this morning's Press about whether cycling is safe here.